Today’s Toons 8/21/17

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This Thread Brought To You By The Number 0:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

President Trump was reported on Thursday considering sending North Korea’s dictator Kim Jung Un a free airline ticket to fly to Washington D.C. to calmly discuss his nuclear weapons program. That was to satisfy the peace crowd. To satisfy the war crowd, we’d have him flying United.

North Korean television aired a speech from Kim Jung Un to North Korea’s ruling council on Wednesday in which he warned that North Korea’s missiles can destroy Los Angeles, Chicago and New York. The threat makes absolutely no sense at all. Is Kim trying to defeat Trump or re-elect him?

Kim Jung Un issued a broadcast from North Korea Friday boasting his nuclear missiles could rain nuclear fallout on the West Coast and turn it into a wasteland. The threat fell on deaf ears in this town. People in Los Angeles aren’t afraid of nuclear fallout unless you tell us it’s got gluten in it.

North Korea’s threat of a nuclear attack Tuesday caught U.S. school children undrilled in civil defense. Two generations of kids have not practiced duck and cover. In the last forty years, the only American to practice the drill of going under the desk in case of an attack was Monica Lewinsky.

North Carolina passed a law which guarantees free speech on all state college campuses and eliminates politically correct restrictions on free speech and safe spaces. It’s about time. Over the weekend, I asked my nephew what it’s like to work at Google, and he said he couldn’t complain.

North Korea’s Kim Jung Un went on a dramatic tirade for the cameras Friday vowing revenge upon the U.S. His biography says when Kim was a little boy he wanted to grow up to be an actor. However, it’s really difficult to do dinner theater in a country where there’s no theater and no dinner.

Mexico’s former President Vicente Fox gave a blistering interview to CNN last week in which he blasted the Trump Administration’s crackdown on illegal immigration from Mexico. He added that the Mexican people are insulted by the idea of the U.S. building a border wall. They’ll get over it.

Lexington, Kentucky, is next on the hit list for the removal of Robert E. Lee statues this coming week. We must not stop. I went to my Bank Of America branch Monday and demanded that the ATMs stop distributing ones, twos, twenties, fifties and C-notes because these bills honor slave owners.

North Carolina millennials went wild pulling down a Confederate statue with a rope in a public park on Monday. You get more careful as you get older. You learn it’s better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you’re a fool than to open your mouth and let them see what you’re eating.

President Trump ripped the Ku Klux Klan, the neo-Nazis and the White Nationalists by name Monday and he denounced racism in all forms. That wasn’t enough for the media. The Dodgers are fielding an all-white team whenever Puig isn’t playing and Trump just let it slide by unmentioned.

Hollywood went berserk when Trump repeated his blaming Charlottesville on both the left and right. That’s not the only reason Hollywood hates him. Americans stopped going to movies this summer because you have to turn off your phone in the theater, and they might miss one of his tweets.

President Trump dismissed his White House Business Council after they began quitting over his Charlottesville stand. Businesses are nervous. KFC just removed the Colonel Sanders logo from their outdoor signs in case the Confederate statue protesters are ever able to put two and two together.

North Korea announced it will not attack the U.S. Wednesday as Iran vowed to build nukes and attack the U.S. The same day, a civil war broke out in the U.S. over the Civil War which could result in no country for anybody to attack. The 1960s just phoned the 2010s and said you win, you’re crazier.

CBS News spent all half-hour Tuesday ripping the president for blaming both left and right for Rebel statue riots. It never ends. I don’t want to say the mainstream media is out to get rid of Trump, but every anchor at CNN has been ordered to take a sip of Orange Crush between news items.

— Argus Hamilton

Hillary Clinton is coming out with a book called “What Happened.” Out of habit, Bill Clinton immediately came out with his own book called “Baby, I Can Explain.”

— Conan

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