Today’s Toons 6/12/17

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Squatty Potty fired Kathy Griffin as their celebrity TV spokesperson Tuesday, a full day before CNN fired Kathy. It made sense for Squatty Potty to act first. That’s because we all accept that we are now living in an era where a toilet company has higher standards than a cable news channel.

The Hollywood Reporter assessed the career damage to comedian Kathy Griffin following the outrage over her posted photo Tuesday. It’s bad. The Republicans are furious at her for holding up a mock bloody severed head of Trump and the Democrats are furious at her because it wasn’t real.

President Trump addressed the nation from the Rose Garden Thursday and pulled the U.S. out of the Paris Climate Accord we entered without Senate approval. Hopefully this will help stop all the madness. Everyone agrees that global warming is the world’s number-one cause of documentaries.

President Trump pulled the U.S. out of the Paris Accord, saying it gives China and India unfair financial advantage. He ridiculed the decimal point temperature change it’d bring in eighty years. After the speech, President Trump posted a photo of himself holding up the severed head of Al Gore.

The White House faced grilling from reporters Friday over President Trump’s environmental treaty pullout. TV and movie stars went ballistic. President Trump can’t explain to Hollywood his decision to withdraw from the Paris Climate Accord, except to say that he must have lost his head.

Psychology Today last week listed procrastination, drugs, alcohol, comfort eating, and career self-destruction as the commonest forms of self-sabotage. The race to self-destruction can be competitive. Bill Maher just told Tiger Woods and Kathy Griffin that Amateur Night is on Mondays.

HBO star Bill Maher quickly apologized for his casual use of the N-word while joking around with Senator Ben Sasse on his show Saturday. That’s the responsible course. Las Vegas oddsmakers were laying three-to-one that Bill would claim that President Trump bullied him into saying it.

Kathy Griffin accused President Trump of bullying her after she posted a photo of herself holding up his severed head. It couldn’t possibly be Kathy’s fault. Who will ever forget the Democratic Party explanation that the Russians hacked Kathy Griffin’s brain in order to disrupt the investigation.

London Bridge was again the target of a terrorist attack Saturday following the recent wave of attacks in Manchester, in Europe and Ohio. It never ends. If the number of Islamic terror attacks continues at the current rate, candlelight vigils will soon be the number-one cause of global warming.

President Trump laid out his case for withdrawing from the Paris Climate Accord last week, saying it unfairly hurts the U.S. and helps China and India. It probably won’t hurt him. The vast majority of Americans think the Paris agreement has something to do with France surrendering again.

President Trump infuriated Democrats by withdrawing the U.S. from the Paris Climate Accord Thursday. His next project is to overthrow and replace ObamaCare. Trump is not a racist, but he’s certainly trying to get rid of everything the black guy who lived in the house before him ever touched.

FBI former director James Comey will testify in the Senate on live network TV Thursday. The competition is stiff. Unless he holds up the severed head of the president, claims to be the House N-Word, or gets arrested while passed out at the wheel that morning, he’ll be lucky to make Page Seven.

Bill Maher apologized Saturday for his casual and joking use of the N-word on his HBO show Real Time the night before. What he said would have ended anyone else’s career but no one’s mentioned it since. Bill might not have to repaint the lawn jockey in front of his house white after all.

Jim Comey today has the chance to testify against President Trump, who fired him, Trump so far has fired the FBI Director, acting Attorney General, National Security Advisor, forty-six U.S. Attorneys and a White House usher. Look, we either elected the host of The Apprentice, or we didn’t.

The London Bridge attack was followed by a lone wolf attack in Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral Tuesday. Terrorists used to fly airliners into the tallest buildings in the world, now they’re down to used vans and hammers. The damned Republicans have obviously cut the terrorism budget as well.

Capitol Hill Republicans are reportedly plotting how to curtail the NSA’s domestic surveillance powers to stop partisan NSA workers from leaking overheard dirt to the press. That’s not all. In addition, Germany wants to sue the NSA for using Gestapo tactics without paying them any royalties.

The FBI arrested a private company contractor for leaking NSA top-secret information to the press about Russia’s attempt to hack into the U.S. election last fall. The contractor is a twenty-five-year-old woman named Reality Winner. If she gets arrested again, she’ll be Two-Time Loser Winner.

— Argus Hamilton


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