LOS ANGELES, Sept. 6 (UPI) — Actor and former teen idol Rob Lowe was the latest celebrity to be skewered in a Comedy Central roast.
The previously taped, 2-hour program debuted on the cable network Monday night.
“We’re here to honor one of the biggest stars — of 1987 — with some of the biggest stars of 1984,” roast master David Spade said of 52-year-old Lowe, his co-star in the film Tommy Boy.
“For years, Rob Lowe had a sex addiction, but he cured it by becoming less famous,” Spade went on.
“Rob came up when a sex tape could really ruin your career, but Rob had to do it the hard way — with his acting,” the comedian added, referring to a nearly 30-year-old scandal involving a sex tape of Lowe and a 16-year-old girl he met in a nightclub.
Most of the NSFW jokes aimed at Lowe throughout the evening focused on his good looks, acting ability, rumored number of sexual partners and many, short-lived TV series. But those there to roast Lowe quickly turned on each other, as well.
“Last year, we did Bieber and now it’s Rob Lowe. Who’s next? Flo the Progressive lady?” Pete Davidson said.
“David, thanks for taking time out from waiting for Sandler to write Grown Ups 3 to be here,” he said, zinging Spade next.
Davidson then said their fellow roaster — retired NFL star Peyton Manning — looked like football players have “evolved to no longer need helmets,” and told Manning he loved him as the towering monster Sloth in Goonies, a 1980s movie in which he did not actually appear.
“Ann, if you’re here, who’s scaring the crows away from our crops?” Davidson asked roaster and conservative author/television personality Ann Coulter. “Last year, we had Martha Stewart who sells sheets and now we have Ann Coulter who cuts eyeholes in them.”
“Jewel, I won’t make fun of you yet because I want to give everyone at home time to Google who you are,” he continued.
Holding up an audio cassette tape, Davidson said his mom begged him to get the singer to autograph it.
“I don’t know what the [expletive] it is. If it’s a phone, it’s broken,” he quipped.
Jimmy Carr, whom Davidson said looks “like a butler in a haunted mansion,” saved his venom for Spade and Coulter.
“David is perhaps best known for his work with comedy legend Chris Farley. Tragically, Chris Farley died when his heart stopped, due to a lethal combination of heroin, cocaine and the stress of carrying David Spade through two movies,” Carr said.
“Ann Coulter is one of the most repugnant, hateful, hatchet-faced [expletives] alive. But it’s not too late to change, Ann, you could kill yourself,” Carr said, before emphasizing his friends back home in Great Britain will be excited to hear he roasted “Charlie Sheen‘s brother’s friend.”
Rob Riggle, meanwhile, had fun teasing Davidson, actor Ralph Macchio and comedian Jeff Ross.
“Jeff’s a regular at the Friar’s Club. That really shouldn’t be a surprise to anybody; they serve food. Fat, ugly, no where else to go! Pete Davidson’s ugly. He’s actually going on his third year at SNL… Is it the fourth year they finally let you see an orthodontist? Jacked-up teeth. Fix that [expletive!]”
“Hey, look, it’s Ralph Macchio. How cool is that, said no one ever. Karate Kid II was the worst sequel since World War II and Pat Morita had to suffer through both,” Riggle noted.
Macchio, Lowe’s co-star in The Outsiders, joined in the fun and mocked himself.
“I might not have your career,” Macchio told Lowe, “but if they were roasting me, the biggest star here would be a lot [expletive] bigger than me. If I had a roast and the biggest star I could get was me, I would do what Rob Riggle did and get the [expletive] out of show business. You did The West Wing with Martin Sheen. You were in Parks and Rec with Chris Pratt and the biggest movie star you could get to show up tonight was Ralph [expletive] Macchio? That is pathetic, dude. And that’s a direct quote from my kids.”
“I’d like to welcome everyone to the Ann Coulter roast with Rob Lowe,” Coulter said when it was her turn to speak. “I’m just so overwhelmed with the love in this room. I can’t thank you enough. It’s really something. No, actually, I’m not a comedian…
“I’m only here tonight because of all of the love and respect I have for Rob Lowe and all these fabulous and talented performers tonight. It has nothing to do with this being the next stop on my press junket for the book I just published four days ago — In Trump We Trust… Pause for boos. Oh, wait, I wasn’t supposed to read that. … I know it’s pretty shameless, but I’m on a stage with a guy who made two Joe Dirt films, so how shameless can I be?”