This Thread Brought To You By The Letter C:
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
Donald Trump spent Thursday in Washington D.C. smoothing over his differences with GOP officials. While in the capital, Mr. Trump also met with his foreign policy team. They consist of a brick-layer, a cement contractor and a guy with a tape measure to make sure the wall is high enough.
Donald Trump refused to fire his campaign manager, saying the female reporter had pulled on Trump’s jacket and his aide was trying to protect him by grabbing her arm. It was all so avoidable. They had an ironclad rule in Bill Clinton’s campaigns never to pull a woman away from the president.
Bill Clinton campaigned for Hillary at four events in Manhattan Thursday. Bill’s sex scandals are changing with the times. Six months from now, the number-one issue in the 2016 campaign will center around what bathroom Bill Clinton intends to use when he becomes America’s First Lady.
Superman vs. Batman fell seventy percent at the box office in the movie’s second weekend on Sunday. It makes total sense. If anyone wants to see a billionaire with an anger problem fighting a guy from another planet, they can always watch Donald Trump and Ted Cruz on the news for free.
Donald Trump admitted on Fox News Sunday he wished he hadn’t engaged Ted Cruz in a war over their wives’ looks in TV ads last week. Some women took it as a sign of misogyny. Donald Trump denied he’s a misogynist but he admits he goes to a couple of Asian women every week for one.
Democratic strategists worried about low voter turnout in Hillary’s primaries this year. They’ll turn out in November. A survey of undertakers found the most-requested tombstone inscription in America is Rest in Peace, except in Chicago, where the number one tombstone inscription is, I Voted.
Hillary Clinton sent out a fundraising e-mail to her donors Tuesday lecturing them that she is being out-raised by the Bernie Sanders campaign. Even her e-mails are strident. If we subjected captured terrorists to listening to Hillary Clinton’s speeches they’d beg us to return to water-boarding.
Hillary Clinton ridiculed Bernie Sanders campaign promises Tuesday, calling them unrealistic and unaffordable. She’s also returning to her centrist Methodist roots. In the last debate, Hillary said that several times a week she speaks to God but never for less than two hundred thousand dollars.
Warner Bros. announced Monday the studio is making a cartoon movie starring the Mexican cartoon mouse Speedy Gonzalez. The political reaction was swift. Donald Trump complained that due to no border controls, Speedy Gonzalez was in Los Angeles taking jobs away from Mickey Mouse.
— Argus Hamilton
Donald Trump suffered a big loss yesterday in Wisconsin to Ted Cruz. Or as Trump put it, “I hit a wall. A big wall. And I’m going to have to pay for it.”
— Jimmy Fallon
While campaigning in New York today, Hillary Clinton rode the subway and had to swipe her metro card five times before getting through a turnstile. Though if you know Hillary Clinton, you know she’ll keep trying until she gets in.
— Seth Meyers
Donald Trump is polling so badly with women that at a rally last night, he had his wife, Melania, introduce him. Because if there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to get American women on your side, it’s a foreign model who’s married to a billionaire and never has to work.
Some people are blaming Donald Trump’s loss in Wisconsin on the fact that he made fun of Ted Cruz’s wife with a photo on Twitter. Trump said he regrets the decision and wishes he had used Instagram.