Today’s Toons 2/22/16

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & W:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Donald Trump laughed off his vulgar language onstage Wednesday after he repeated a crowd member’s calling Ted Cruz the P-word. It got Trump a standing ovation. Now if Trump can also get away with using the N-word onstage he won’t just be president, he’ll be Richard Pryor Live on Sunset.

Bernie Sanders accused Bill Clinton of hitting him below the belt in his campaign speeches in New Hampshire last week. Will Bernie ever be sorry he said below the belt. Whenever Hillary hears that anybody has come forward and accused Bill of sexual misconduct, she destroys them out of habit.

George W. Bush flew to South Carolina to campaign for his brother Jeb on Friday. He needed help. When Jeb Bush announced onstage after the New Hampshire primary that his campaign is heading for South Carolina, the Highway Patrol asked if that was going to require a funeral escort.

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton debated in Milwaukee Thursday. They repeated two points all night. America is a racist, sexist, inhumane country that poisons its water, jails its minorities and exploits its poor, and that it’s wrong to stop illegal immigrants from coming here to enjoy its blessings.

Ted Cruz accidentally cast Amy Lindsay, the soft porn star of Carnal Wishes and Beverly Hills Bordello, in a campaign commercial. Why drop the ad? She should be made the Cruz campaign spokesperson and then say over the years only Donald Trump has taken more positions than she has.

PBS anchors Judy Woodruff and Gwen Ifill moderated Thursday’s Democratic presidential debate between Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton. They have a niche appeal. He’s seventy-four and she’s sixty-seven, which is why PBS carried the debate on Antiques Roadshow.

Donald Trump crushed the GOP field in New Hampshire Tuesday then headed off for South Carolina’s primary. Now New York former mayor Mike Bloomberg may run as an Independent. All across this great country, people are realizing that in America even a billionaire can grow up to be president.

Barack Obama was in Los Angeles Friday where he taped an interview on the Ellen show and then he addressed an assembly at Los Angeles High School. He wore a blue suit for the Crips and a red tie for the Bloods. He’s determined to go eight years without taking any sides in a shooting war.

President Obama spent the Presidents Day holiday in Rancho Mirage playing golf at El Dorado Country Club. The holiday honors all presidents. You’d think instead of calling the holiday Presidents Day that with all the mattress sales they would name it after Bill Clinton or Jack Kennedy.

National Security Chief Jim Clapper said ISIS is planning an attack inside the U.S. The FBI is looking for a Mideast man who firebombed churches and businesses overseas, then illegally crossed the border into the U.S. dressed like a woman. The president wants to nominate him to the Supreme Court.

The Moonlight Bunny Ranch hookers in Nevada spent all week campaigning all over the state for Hillary Clinton’s candidacy for president. It’s in their best interests. The hookers are clearly worried about Bernie Sanders and his promise of free sex for every American except the one-percent.

Donald Trump Monday expressed his withering disdain for the GOP officials who packed the debate audience with establishment opponents who boo him. He hinted he might run in a third party. It’d be just like Donald Trump if he leaves the GOP for a younger, prettier party from Eastern Europe.

Hillary Clinton told a crowd Monday she wishes Democrats had a team of trained dogs that bark when Republicans lie about her. She then literally began barking like a dog onstage. It may not have gotten her any votes but at this point, no one faults her for trying to freshen up her marriage.

Donald Trump increased his lead over GOP rivals in the latest Quinnipiac Poll on Wednesday with the South Carolina primary Saturday. It’s nothing if not entertaining. Americans owe Donald Trump a great debt for taking presidential politics and raising it to the level of professional wrestling.

South Carolina polls showed Donald Trump with a big lead in the GOP primary as Saturday’s vote looms. He may well have the GOP establishment on the run. Peyton Manning revealed last week he’s supporting Jeb Bush for president, automatically triggering the NFL’s concussion protocol.

Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel prostitutes in Nevada registered as a group called Hookers for Hillary to raise money for her campaign. The group announced plans to campaign in the future for politicians in Nevada and Washington D.C. It’s their way of giving back to the hooker community.

— Argus Hamilton

President Obama just visited LA. Or as Donald Trump put it, “The state is being taken over by Kenyans.”

After his big win in New Hampshire, they say Hillary’s team is trying to dig up dirt on Bernie Sanders. You know what you call someone who digs up dirt on Bernie Sanders? An archaeologist. (actually, from Jay Leno on Fallon’s show)

When asked about Donald Trump, Pope Francis said that people who build walls are not Christians. And Donald said, “Of course I’m a Christian. Do you know how many carpenters named Jesus I have working for me?”

— Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump responded to criticism from Pope Francis today, and said the pontiff will wish Trump was president “if and when” the Vatican is attacked by ISIS. Though I think what he meant to say was, “That’s a nice Vatican you got there. It would be a shame if somethin’ was to happen to it.”

— Seth Meyers

The Pope is in Mexico and on his way home he was asked about Donald Trump, and the Pope said, “A person who thinks only about building walls wherever they may be and not building bridges is not a Christian.” Which of course is nonsense – Donald Trump made it very clear that his favorite book is the Bible.

— Jimmy Kimmel

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