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In Case You Missed It Dept.:
The GOP candidates took turns in Thursday’s Fox News debate in Iowa describing how they would defeat ISIS. Right now, the administration strategy is to back Iraq by helping the Iranian army run ISIS out of Iraq. This war has more “Is” in it than an Obama speech about someone else.
Hillary Clinton was asked at the Democratic town hall for candidates on Monday to name her favorite U.S. president and she said Abraham Lincoln. That silenced her opponent. It’s long been rumored in Washington D.C. that Bernie Sanders and Mary Todd Lincoln were more than just friends.
The University of Miami will host the White Privilege Conference this spring for white college kids around the country. They’ll scrutinize their built-in advantage in the English-speaking world. You can’t make it up, after sixty years the Democrats have managed to make segregation fashionable again.
Donald Trump addressed the issues of the day in a CNN interview on his plane Thursday. The candidate stayed in character when asked about the Zika virus. He said we’re going to build a two thousand mile mosquito net along the U.S. border with Mexico and we’re going to make Raid pay for it.
Donald Trump skipped the Iowa GOP debate Thursday because he did not trust the Fox News moderator Megyn Kelly to ask him fair questions. He got off easy this time. Usually, when Donald Trump breaks things off with a younger blonde woman, he winds up having pay community property.
The White House on Friday refused to release twenty-two of Hillary Clinton’s e-mails because they were classified Top Secret. It looks bad. The next morning, Bill tried to cheer Hillary up by reminding her that Nelson Mandela couldn’t be president until he served twenty-seven years in prison
The Iowa caucuses were held Monday after a wild frantic weekend of candidates campaigning in every corner of Iowa for voter support. It’s a grueling and primitive contest of survival. Until now, Donald Trump’s idea of roughing it was when room service took more than five rings to answer.
Donald Trump’s star on Hollywood Boulevard was spray painted over with a swastika Sunday evening. It’s now a partisan issue. Republicans called painting a swastika over Trump’s name a disgraceful act of inappropriate vandalism, while Democrats call it an example of forward thinking.
Donald Trump’s star on Hollywood Boulevard was defaced by vandals who painted a swastika over it Sunday night. It’s an area of Hispanic workers, Asian nail salons, Muslim small business owners and Persian clothiers. Hollywood police have narrowed the list of suspects down to everybody.
Hillary Clinton was relieved to declare victory in Iowa Monday after a razor-thin victory over Bernie Sanders. The voting was so close that Hillary won six precincts by winning all six coin flips to break the tie. She was able to obtain that trick quarter from the New England Patriots just in time.
President Obama ignited a firestorm by visiting the Islamic Center of Baltimore mosque this week which has past ties to terrorist activities and to radical Imans. The president’s father was Muslim and his mother a Methodist. That explains why five times a day, he answers the Call to Golf.
Donald Trump ripped Ted Cruz Tuesday for spreading a false report as the caucuses started that Dr. Ben Carson dropped out. The good outweighed the bad. The same day, Donald Trump was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize after he didn’t kill whoever told him he came in second in Iowa.
— Argus Hamilton
On Monday, Hillary Clinton narrowly won in Iowa, with the final results showing that she beat Bernie Sanders by less than 1 percent. And you thought Bernie was mad at the 1 percent BEFORE.
At last night’s CNN town hall debate for the Democrats, Hillary Clinton said that during her time in the White House, she would actually put on a baseball cap and sunglasses so she could walk around Washington, D.C., unnoticed. The only time it went wrong was when Bill pulled up and said, “Hey baby, do you — oh, never mind.”
— Jimmy Fallon
Ted Cruz and Hillary Clinton were named the winners of Monday’s Iowa caucuses. Cruz celebrated by giving a speech to his supporters, and Hillary celebrated by moving her stuff into the White House.
During last night’s Democratic town hall Hillary Clinton told voters, “I never thought I’d be standing on a stage here asking for people to vote for me for president.” Because she thought she’d already be done being president by now.
— Seth Meyers
The Bernie Sanders campaign is demanding proof that Hillary Clinton beat him in yesterday’s Iowa caucus. Today Hillary said, “Sure, let me check my server.”
Donald Trump lost the Iowa Caucus. Trump blamed the media, bad weather, and Iowa’s three Muslims.
This morning, Donald Trump tweeted that Ted Cruz “illegally stole” the election. Trump said, “Everyone knows you’re supposed to illegally BUY the election.”