It’s Super Bowl weekend, the best weekend of the year. Super Bowl Sunday means a couple of things: football, food, alcohol, and friends getting together to watch the game. However, all of that fun and joy at Super Bowl parties all over the world will be put to the test once one of these 10 types of party-grenades show up at your door (they always do). Here are the ten worst types of people at every Super Bowl party:
10. The Gambling Degenerate
No person helps take the fun out of a Super Bowl party more than the guy who feels the need to put a wager on every single aspect of the game as well things like the coin flip, the halftime show, and other miscellaneous nonsense. Throughout the entirety of the game this guy will do one of two things: be on the phone with his bookie constantly placing bets, or complaining about not being on the phone with his bookie and missing out on “easy money.” Every time something happens and he wins one of the thousands of bets he places throughout the game, he celebrates like a mad man. Every time he loses he either breaks something or throws a tantrum. There is no winning for the rest of the people at your party once this guy shows up.
9. The Annoying Chili Guy
If you bring chili or pretty much any food to a Super Bowl party then the host will always be appreciative. Seriously, the less work they have to do when supplying food and booze to a bunch of drunken clowns, the better. But if you think anybody at that party actually cares about the chili’s secret ingredients (peppers, tomatoes, etc) or how long it took you to make the chili, then you are off your rocker. Keep your chili recipe and such to yourself, it’s beans mixed with ground beef and tomatoes, you aren’t Gordon Ramsay.
8. Tool Who Brought The Dip
At almost every Super Bowl party in America this Sunday, there will be that one person who nags everybody about “having some more dip,” or tries to tell you about all the little secrets that went into their dip during the most critical point of the game. This person doesn’t get that there is a huge game going on right in front of them and clearly does not understand social cues. If you bring dip to your Super Bowl party, be prepared for it to go one of two ways: people either eat it up very quick, or it sits around and nobody touches it. If it goes quickly, it means that your dip was good. If nobody touches it except for like two people, it means it sucked. Take the hint, don’t go around asking.
7. The Football Noob
Somehow, someway, this friend of a friend made it over to your place for the Super Bowl. As soon as he/she walks into your apartment you sense something is wrong with them, and right as the game starts you realize they know absolutely nothing about football. Throughout the whole game, this clown will ask you dumb questions such as “I don’t get it, why is the ball there’s now?” or “wait is that yellow line actually on the field?” For some reason, this guy/girl decided that Super Bowl Sunday was going to be their “let’s learn football day,” thus making your time watching the game a living nightmare if you get stuck sitting next to them. If you don’t know anything about football, do some research on this weird thing called your iPhone or ask a friend about some of the rules the night before the game so that you don’t look like an idiot and come off as extremely annoying at your friend’s Super Bowl party.
6. The Couch Coach
Unlike the football noob, this guy/girl seems to know a little too much about football. Rather than just simply question the play calls or rag on a guy for dropping a pass like a lot of us do when watching a football game, the couch coach will preach to everyone else why their team should run a different type of offense, or argue that one of the teams who made it to the Super Bowl needs to fire their head coach. The couch coach is fixated on the idea that he could coach that team to the promise land and is beyond full of himself. This person likely suffered some devastating championship game loss or got dumped by the captain of the football team in high school, so since then their life has been totally fixated on football. Right before the snap of every play during the game, this person will likely try and guess things like “oh here comes the run,” or “watch this, it’s going to be a pick-six.” At some point, the couch coach is going to be correct about the offense running the ball or throwing an interception because he or she makes a prediction before every play, so be prepared for them to act like they “called it,” and that they “just know football too well.” If you know a friend like this, tell them to shut up after the first time they do it or just don’t invite them to begin with, otherwise, mini-Vince Lombardi over there is going to completely ruin your time watching the final football game of the season.
5. The Devil’s Advocate
At every Super Bowl party, there is always that one guy who bet against everyone else, or just has no dog in the fight and decides to root for whoever everyone else is rooting against just to be an a-hole. This guy/girl simply does this to draw attention to themselves and is normally the one person in every friend group that is always stirring up drama with everyone. The Devil’s Advocate will be loud, argumentative, and do all that they can to get under your skin once they see that their antics are making you flustered. It is best to not invite people who are dramatic and love pissing others off to your Super Bowl party, but if the Devil’s Advocate shows up to your party on Sunday, do all you can to ignore him. Don’t call them out on their antics as that is exactly what they want you to do. Instead tell everybody at your party to ignore them and once the Devil’s Advocate realizes nobody is feeding into his/her bullcrap, they will quiet down and/or leave hopefully.
4. The Betting Noob
Similarly to the football noob, this guy/girl not has absolutely no idea what is going on in the game at all times. Sadly, the betting noob also has no idea how spreads, squares, or boxes work, and obviously, they just had to decide to place their first ever bet or fill out their first group of squares at your Super Bowl party! The betting noob decided to take Carolina (-6.5) so be prepared for them to constantly ask whether or not they are winning their bet. You will repeatedly tell this person “as long as Carolina wins by more than six points you win the bet,” but the betting noob is unable to comprehend this information at all throughout the night, thus leading to him asking you over and over again and driving you insane. As for squares, you will waste a half hour of your life trying to explain it to it to him/her but nothing clicks inside his brain. And make no mistake, at the end of the night, Carolina will end up covering the spread and he/she will win squares. The betting noob will then feel all high and mighty and go around bragging about how fun and easy gambling is. It’s Murphy’s law. This will happen.
3. Cheapskate Who Brought Nothing To The Party
If you are lucky, the cheapskate will show up to your party with a six pack of cheap, disgusting, Natty Ice that is missing two beers. If not, they bring absolutely nothing and they will 100% wolf down a good portion of the food and refuse to chip in for you ordering/making all the grub. He/she will complain about their low-paying job and having a hard time paying rent or his ex-wife squeezing every cent out of him in alimony. However, as soon as the game begins the cheapskate will start throwing around twenties trying to make absolutely absurd bets with the other party goers like he/she is Jordan Belfort.
2. Mr/Mrs. Halftime
The Halftime Show of the Super Bowl is something to help distract those who just lost a ton of money on prop bets in the first half and help take the mind of emotional or sad fans off of their team’s horrendous first-half performance (Denver in Super Bowl XLVIII). However, just because it is halftime doesn’t mean that there isn’t a person at your party who will annoy the living hell out of you. Introducing: Mr/Mrs. Halftime. Throughout the entire pre-game show and first half of the game, the Halftime Show is the only thing this person talks about. Whenever a big play happens in the game or a funny commercial comes on, he or she will tell you to quiet down, but as soon as the Halftime Show comes on this person goes crazy and turns the TV volume up to the max. After Coldplay gets off the stage, this person will likely disappear and say nothing the rest of the night as the only thing they’ve wanted to see all night has just ended (thank God). Some people, however, feel the need to stick around and keep talking about the Halftime Show throughout the second half and if you happen to see them later that week you can probably guess what 100% of your conversation with this person will be? Yes, that’s correct, the Super Bowl Halftime Show.
1. The Bandwagon Fan
This person came into the game a huge Carolina fan, but after Cam Newton “dabbed too much” during the Panthers first touchdown drive, he/she started rooting for Denver. After CBS discusses Peyton Manning’s HGH allegations he/she will immediately start rooting for Carolina again because he/she “hates cheaters.” If Denver is losing in the second half. he/she will again go back to being a Bronco supporter because they “have to route for the underdog.” Cam Newton will then make some type of incredible acrobatic play and he/she will start saying how much she loves Cam Newton and again go back to being a Panthers supporter. Expect this process to continue throughout the game’s entirety, and no matter who wins, he/she will post a tweet or Instagram saying how happy they are that “Cam Newton finally won a Super Bowl,” or that “Peyton Manning deserves to go out on top.”
** Hopefully none of these people show up at your party, but if they do at least you are now prepared. Enjoy the Super Bowl everyone!