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President Obama delivered a Thanksgiving Day Address to the nation Thursday on TV and over the radio. He said the arriving Syrian refugees are just like the English Pilgrims who landed four centuries ago. So there, you see, Obama admitted it, they ARE coming to take over the country.
Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade drew three million New Yorkers Thursday. We sometimes forget that Americans are the only ones celebrating the holiday. Joe Biden meant well, but he could have accidentally started a war when he called Vladimir Putin and wished him a Happy Turkey Day.
President Obama declared Thursday the Syrian refugees are just like the Pilgrims who landed on the Mayflower. We all know how this ends. Two hundred years from now, the Syrians will feel guilty about what they did once they got here and allow Anglo-Americans to operate their own casinos.
John Kasich released a new video comparing Donald Trump to the Nazis in his willingness to deport illegal aliens, surveil mosques, and rough up Black Lives Matters protesters. The video’s claims are pretty harsh. For one thing, the Donald’s campaign biography is NOT titled Mein Trumpf.
President Obama announced in a speech at the Paris Conference on Climate Change Monday that concerted worldwide action on carbon emissions will defeat terrorism. The rout is already on. ISIS heard that President Obama was serious about defeating Climate Change and ran for their lives.
President Obama declared in Paris that global warming is the biggest threat facing the world today. He has the youth enlisted in the cause. Last week in the White House kitchen, President Obama’s daughters opened a can of sardines, only to find it was full of oil and the fish were all dead.
The Climate Change Conference convened in Paris and labeled all the scientists who disagree with their premise as Climate Deniers. The issue is breaking up families. Just last year, Charlie Sheen’s third wife left him because he tried to save water by showering with his girlfriend’s daughter.
The White House rolled out a new Obamacare site while Barack Obama was in Paris blaming terrorism on climate change. One thing the GOP has to give Obama. Republicans whose doctors back in 2008 gave them just seven years to live at least got to live the seven longest years of their lives.
Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders had a hernia operation this week at Walter Reed Hospital in Washington. The old socialist went down fighting. Just as the anesthesia was kicking in, Bernie Sanders declared that climate change is directly related to the growth of his hernia.
Paris scientists tried to alarm Americans by linking climate change to root causes of terrorism in the Mideast. They said that global warming could kill three hundred thousand Muslims. On a more serious note, the final College Football Playoff Rankings come out Sunday at six o’clock eastern.
The U.N. Climate Change Summit drew two hundred world leaders to Paris this past week. It’s alarming. The scientists told the Climate Change Summit that global warming is worse than they originally predicted, which is pretty bad because they originally predicted it would destroy the planet.
President Obama urged world leaders at the Climate Change Conference to unite to save the planet Tuesday. He’s serious. Five years ago, President Obama decided that global warming was a serious problem during a White House cabinet meeting when a chunk of ice fell off Hillary Clinton.
President Obama gave a lengthy speech to world leaders in Paris Tuesday urging enforceable rules on climate change to save the planet. He’s vowed to buckle down and fight global warming. In fact, today President Obama announced that he’s going to send twenty thousand U.S. troops to the sun.
The Episcopal Church of Los Angeles aired a ninety-minute webcast called Climate Change Crisis warning about the consequences of climate change. This one really hits home. Episcopalians worry that at the current rate of global warming, in thirty-five years we could be out of party ice.
The New York Times agreed to shorten Hillary Rodham Clinton’s name to Hillary Clinton in news stories at her request. TV news is ahead of this. CNN already calls her Hillary Clinton, although MSNBC still calls her Hillary Rodham Clinton while Fox News will always call her Lady Voldemort.
The U.N. Climate Change Conference drew one hundred and ninety-five world leaders to Paris Monday. They said hot humid summers and freezing winters are symptoms of planet-threatening climate change. To avoid that, each and every one of the world leaders agreed to retire in Los Angeles.
Jerry Brown assured Californians that Syrian refugees will be extensively vetted before they’re allowed into the state. U.S. immigration authorities say so far two hundred and fifty Syrian refugees have made it into Los Angeles but they’re having difficulty assimilating. None of them speak Spanish.
— Argus Hamilton
The Associated Press just announced that they are no longer including Hillary Clinton’s maiden name “Rodham” in articles about her, nor will they call her “Mrs. Clinton” anymore. While Republicans have announced that they will no longer call Hillary by the name “Lady Voldemort.”
In an interview with Charlie Rose yesterday, Hillary Clinton admitted that she has Wall Street connections, but said that she can’t be bribed with campaign donations. Then Hillary said, “And especially they can’t bribe me at Hillary for America, P.O. Box 526, New York, New York, don’t even think of sending money there, this weekend.”
Things haven’t been going too great for Jeb Bush, but he’s not giving up. His campaign has spent the most money on TV ads, $30 million. I don’t want to say Jeb’s run too many ads, but his new Secret Service code name is “Geico.”
Hillary went on an Instagram binge and followed a bunch of celebrities like Beyonce, Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. When asked if Bill Clinton follows any women on Instagram, he was like, “All of them.”
— Jimmy Fallon
Donald Trump claimed to have “many Muslim friends.” However, when asked for specific names, the only one he could come up with was “The Genie from Aladdin.'”
Donald Trump is still under fire for mocking a reporter with physical disabilities. Trump told his supporters, “Don’t worry, I’ll soon do something worse and all this will be forgotten.”
It’s come out that last year, a man was able to get past the Secret Service and speak with President Obama by pretending to be a congressman. The Secret Service realized he wasn’t a congressman because he was willing to be seen with President Obama.
The Muslim Brotherhood has officially warned the United States that if the United States continues meddling in Syria, Egypt, Libya, Iran and Afghanistan, they intend to cut off America’s supply of 7-11 and Motel6 managers.
If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell, AT&T, and AOL customer service reps.
Finally, if all else fails, they have threatened not to send us any more presidents.