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In Case You Missed It Dept.:
President Obama stood by his decision to permit ten thousand Syrian refugees into the country Tuesday despite the threat of easy ISIS infiltration. His own people are uneasy about it. On a scale of risky decisions, this ranks between marrying Charlie Sheen and using Oscar Pistorious’s bathroom.
The House of Representatives overwhelmingly passed the bill to toughen the screening process for Middle Easterners coming into the U.S. in the wake of the Paris attacks. Everyone’s doing what they can to stay safe. Charlie Sheen announced he will refuse to sleep with any more Syrian refugees.
Hillary Clinton staffers went after Laugh Factory owner Jamie Masada over a YouTube video of five stand-up comics telling Hillary jokes on his Hollywood nightclub stage. We are forbidden to laugh at our leaders. Liberals won’t be happy till every comedy club in every city has a cemetery on the premises.
The U.S. Border Patrol caught Saudis trying to enter Arizona and Syrians trying to enter Texas Friday. There are reports that radical Muslims were planning to go on a rampage in Los Angeles, killing anybody who is a U.S. citizen. Police fear that the death toll could be as high as nine, maybe ten.
President Obama will pardon two live Thanksgiving turkeys on the White House lawn. He will by decree save the American turkeys from being shot or beheaded, then incinerated and devoured. However, President Obama is under fire for insisting last week that Foster Farms has been contained.
The Pentagon was investigated for hiding discouraging intelligence about ISIS from President Obama Monday. You can see why he doesn’t like to read this stuff. One nasty post from a group in Indonesia warned if the U.S. doesn’t withdraw all troops, Indonesia’s going to send us more presidents.
Turkey announced its defense forces shot down a Russian warplane which the Turks claimed had strayed over Turkish air space Tuesday, and they killed the pilot after he had parachuted to the ground. There’s no cause for alarm. The pilot has been identified as the Archduke Ferdinand.
Princeton’s politically correct protesters denounced Woodrow Wilson’s portrait in the student union because he was raised in segregated Georgia. They demand his name and portraits be taken down. Wait until they find out how many Asians we killed using Obama’s home state as a naval base.
The New York Times reported that Hillary Clinton’s campaign has notified the newspaper of record that the Democratic candidate no longer wants to be called Hillary Rodham Clinton. This was a shrewd move. For easier voter identification she’s decided to shorten it to Ka’teesha Rodriguez.
President Obama hosted a press conference with French President Hollande Tuesday. He said our biggest rebuke to ISIS is the Climate Change Conference in Paris next week. Don’t worry about the world war that could have broken out Tuesday if Turkey had shot down one of our weather balloons.
Donald Trump vowed that when he’s president, the CIA will return to water-boarding the ISIS terrorists that we capture in order to obtain the best intelligence on the battlefield. He didn’t stop there. Trump added that to make sure it’s the very best torture, we’re going to use Trump Bottled Water.
Turkey shot down a Russian jet over Syrian airspace, then Turkish allied rebels killed the pilot after he’d parachuted out of the plane. Reaction was swift. Vladimir Putin just advised Americans to stock up on hams for Christmas dinner, because there may not be any Turkey left a month from now.
President Obama spoke to the nation Wednesday, assuring Americans it was safe to travel this Thanksgiving even though the State Department issued a travel warning. You were no safer once you got there. Heavy fighting broke out Thursday the moment anyone at the table mentioned Obama.
The White House vowed to appeal a court ruling against Obama’s executive orders protecting illegal aliens from deportation. It sounded suspiciously compliant. Whenever President Obama says we are a nation ruled by laws, Secret Service agents wrestle him to the ground and demand to know what he did to the real President Obama.
— Argus Hamilton
In a speech last week, Bernie Sanders called for a new global alliance with Russia and the Middle East to fight threats around the world. Then people said, “you mean like Russia and the Middle East?”
— Jimmy Fallon