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In Case You Missed It Dept.:
Quentin Tarantino doubled down on his criticism of police Thursday, refusing to apologize for calling cops murderers at a Black Lives Matter rally in New York. Reaction was livid. Right now, anyone who burglarizes Tarantino’s house in Beverly Hills could get a police escort to the pawn shop.
Donald Trump said that America needs a Tom Brady of negotiators to compete with economic opponents. The two men share a common stardom. Americans love it when a wealthy, insanely successful white guy married to a supermodel can overcome the odds and make of success of himself.
The Justice Department Monday initiated the release of thousands of federal prisoners whom the president felt received overly harsh sentences. There’s always worry about the rate of recidivism. Even the Thanksgiving turkey that Barack Obama pardoned is back on the streets committing crimes.
California Governor Jerry Brown was discovered Thursday to have used state geologists to test his private ranch land for the presence of oil under it. It was a false alarm. Satellite images had revealed dinosaur remains but on closer inspection it turned out to be Jerry, just inspecting the property.
Texas teen and a poster boy for Muslim insensitivity Ahmed Muhammed moved to Qatar after making a clock that looks like an explosive device. He didn’t set it back an hour last weekend. He can’t recall which of the three wires controls the time, which defuses the device and which triggers it.
The GOP held a colorful presidential debate in Milwaukee Tuesday on FBN. The favorites are a guy whose third wife posed nude for Maxim and a guy who attacked his mother with hammer. This all began back in 1992 when Americans began electing presidents based on their entertainment value.
Iran’s defense minister announced Monday that Iran is going to send three navy ships into the Atlantic Ocean. It won’t lead to a shooting war but the Iranians are being deliberately provocative. The names of the Iranian ships are the Climate Change Denier, the Tax Cut and the Robert E. Lee.
President Obama joined Facebook Tuesday and set up his own personal home page. It’s a very shrewd political move. During a president’s seventh year in office, when all everybody’s talking about is your replacement, the surest way to recapture the country’s attention is to start dating around.
Bill Clinton and George W. Bush affirmed Tuesday that the upcoming presidential campaign will not affect the friendship they’ve developed. They have a lot in common when you think about it. Both George W. Bush and Bill Clinton were wartime presidents, if you count marriage counseling.
— Argus Hamilton
Last night was the fourth Republican debate. And if you thought it was exciting to watch on TV, imagine being Jeb Bush watching the whole thing from his podium!
— Jimmy Fallon
Jeb Bush said in a new interview that if he could travel back in time he would kill Hitler as a baby, adding, “You gotta step up, man.” And it’s comments like those that have a lot of people telling Jeb, “You gotta step down, man.”
According to several online polls, Donald Trump was the winner of last night’s presidential debate. When reached for comment Trump said, “Melania, keep clicking!”
Hillary Clinton this week has begun telling the story of her attempt to join the Marines in 1975. But the closest she ever came to the Marines was buying a pantsuit at Old Navy.
An early copy of The New York Times best-seller list obtained by Buzzfeed shows Ben Carson’s “A More Perfect Union” is edging out Donald Trump’s “Crippled America.” And a little further down the list is Jeb Bush’s “I Don’t Want to Do This Anymore.”
— Seth Meyers