This Thread Brought To You By The Letters R & P:
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
The Times of India reports a farmer in Bangladesh was crowned the National Champion Rat Killer of Bangladesh. He killed one hundred sixty thousand rats in one year. His first call of congratulations came from someone in Washington wanting to know if he’d like to be House Speaker.
Hillary Clinton reversed herself and came out against the Trans Pacific free trade pact which Congress will consider. Her husband is a big believer in the agreement. Of course Bill thinks Trans Pacific free trade is a wife-swapping party at the end of the APEC conference of world leaders.
The University of Virginia announced Ted Kennedy’s Oral History is set for release, consisting of thirty interviews detailing his life which produced a thousand pages. They’ll be released next Friday in Washington. Bill Clinton’s Oral History will be released next Valentine’s Day on Porn Hub.
President Obama ended the training program for pro-U.S. Syrian rebels Friday. The U.S. spent five hundred million dollars and wound up with only five pro-U.S. rebels. We’d have saved a lot of money and done a lot more damage if we’d just hired Ronda Rousey and put the war on Pay per View.
South Carolina cleaned up after last week’s tropical storm caused the biggest flooding in state or colonial history. Naturally, Obama Administration officials blamed the monstrous storms in South Carolina on global warming. However they admit they miss blaming it on the Confederate flag.
Hillary Clinton headlined the Democratic presidential candidates’ debate at the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas Tuesday. The last time Hillary spoke in Las Vegas she was heckled by a beautiful Republican showgirl. Security guards took her outside where Bill Clinton wrestled her to the ground.
Hillary Clinton stood center stage at the Democratic Party’s presidential candidates’ debate on CNN Tuesday at the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas. Hillary prepped for two weeks with a team of litigators. She winged it in the debate but she is not taking any chances with the Benghazi Committee.
Vermont Socialist Bernie Sanders brought down the house at the Democratic debate Tuesday by declaring that he’s sick and tired of hearing about Hillary Clinton’s damned e-mails. The senator wasn’t finished. Then he asked if anyone in the audience could please tell him what e-mail is.
— Argus Hamilton
Tonight was the first Democratic debate on CNN. And get this, they actually had an extra podium ready in case Joe Biden decided he’d join the race. Which backfired when before the debate even started people were like, “Could we just vote for the empty podium?”
Moderator Anderson Cooper asked Lincoln Chafee why he switched parties from being a Republican, and Chafee called himself a “block of granite.” When asked what he meant by that, Chafee said, “I meant that I’d make a better countertop than president.”
— Jimmy Fallon
CNN kept an extra podium set aside at tonight’s Democratic debate in case Vice President Joe Biden had decided to announce his candidacy, and now the empty podium is pulling ahead of Martin O’Malley.
— Seth Meyers
I’m sure many of you watched the first Democratic presidential debate over on CNN. CNN released where the candidates would be standing on the stage. Hillary Clinton was in the center. Bernie Sanders was on her right, making it the first time in history he’s been to the right of anyone.
— Stephen Colbert
They were keeping a spare podium open for Joe Biden in case he decided to enter the race at the last minute, as if he’s going to walk in and shock everyone like a Spanish soap opera or something.
— Jimmy Kimmel