Today’s Toons 9/28/15

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

In a recent speech, DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz declared that “the left is the center of America right now”. The lesson here: never go to Debbie Wasserman Shultz to get your tires balanced.

New questions are being raised about the Hillary campaign’s financial relationship with The Clinton Foundation. Expect the press to follow up with hard-hitting questions, like “what’s your second-favorite color?”

President Obama announced plans to launch a “college scorecard” school-ranking system. Wonderful. Will it be anything like the system they use to award green energy grants to solar companies?

The University of California is considering a ban on “expressions of intolerance”. Sounds idyllic. Everyone throw another book on the bonfire & sing Kumbaya.

The Wall Street Journal added up all Bernie Sanders’s spending proposals. Price tag: $18 trillion. Great plan. All he needs now is more Treasury Bond salesmen who speak Chinese.

State Department records show a four-month gap in Hillary’s emails. In scandal lore, an 18 and a half minute gap was a big deal. So what about a 120 day one?

During a speech at an Iowa school, President Obama declared that students “shouldn’t silence” guest speakers who are “too conservative”. Yes. That’s what the IRS is for.

A new Obama executive order requires using psychological data to get more people signed up for government programs. In short – the maze needs more cheese.

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer was frustrated when Hillary Clinton wouldn’t name her “number one accomplishment” while Secretary of State. Guess he misunderstood. Question-dodging is it.

— Fred Thompson

The GOP presidential debate was held Wednesday at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library on CNN and was the second-most watched event in CNN history. Their top-rated event ever was CNN’s live coverage of the U.S. bombing of Baghdad twenty-five years ago. The difference is Bush won that one.

GOP issues got lost in the debate format Wednesday that allowed losing candidates to interrupt leading ones any time. Only three top candidates were in double digits in the polls. Allowing eleven candidates into a presidential debate is like giving every kid on the soccer team a participation trophy.

The GOP presidential debate organizers placed Dr. Ben Carson next to Donald Trump on stage at the Reagan Library for Wednesday’s knock-down drag-out debate. Big game hunters were very impressed to see it. This was the closest that a brain surgeon has ever been able to get to Donald Trump.

The League star Steve Rannazzisi admitted Tuesday he made up the story that he barely escaped the collapsing World Trade Center during the terror attacks, quit his day job and became a comedian. The consequences of this lie are very real. Steve could get ten years as anchor of the NBC Nightly News.

President Obama, it was revealed Friday, has invited Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu to the White House for a one-on-one conference during the first week of November. The two leaders will discuss the Iran nuclear deal over lunch. It’ll be just the two of them, and their food tasters.

White House press secretary Josh Earnest blasted Donald Trump for not correcting a town hall questioner who called President Obama a Muslim on Friday. The president himself was unavailable for comment. Barack Obama does not allow anything to interrupt the Friday Call to Golf.

The New York Post says a Guantanamo terrorist prisoner was found Thursday to have a dating profile on Things are a lot easier for this guy during the Obama Administration. Back when he was being tortured, Dick Cheney made him try to find seventy-two virgins on Ashley Madison.

The Pentagon said Friday that North Korean dictator Kim Jung Un now has missiles that can reach Los Angeles. The CIA says he’s an unpredictable narcissist who loves teenage girls, cocaine, Cognac and NBA basketball. You’d think he’d spare Los Angeles, if only out of professional courtesy.

Democrats leaped on Dr. Ben Carson’s statement that a Muslim shouldn’t be president Monday, prompting a swift response by the doctor. We’ve got a real fight on our hands. Dr. Carson corrected himself for the way he said that a Muslim shouldn’t be elected president, saying he forgot to add again.

The White House is planning a huge welcome ceremony when Pope Francis arrives for his visit with President Obama Thursday. On a personal level, eyewitnesses have noticed there’s a natural friction between Pope Francis and President Obama. Neither likes the other’s holier-than-thou attitude.

The Vatican protested the White House guest list for the pope’s visit because it’s loaded with gay married priests, trans-genders and renegade nuns. It just never lets up. Next month Benjamin Netanyahu is coming for a White House lunch and President Obama has the ham sandwiches all made.

Joe Biden was reported leaning in favor of running for president as support for Hillary Clinton keeps melting. Hillary Clinton’s donors are only too aware of the lesson learned during the Battle of Gettysburg by Confederates and Yankees alike. If you find yourself on top of a dead horse, dismount.

NBC News allowed Brian Williams to return to work after his six-month suspension Tuesday, just in time to cover the pope’s arrival in America for MSNBC. He was terrific. Brian opened the broadcast by describing his airplane ride to America with the pope, while being shot at by the Taliban.

Pope Francis’ arrival at Andrews Air Force Base Tuesday was covered live by all three cable TV news channels from his walk off the plane to his motorcade in D.C. For three whole hours Fox News anchors didn’t promote Carly Fiorina for U.S. president. It was the pope’s first miracle on American soil.

Middle East refugees changed course Monday and began flooding into Europe through Croatia from the Adriatic after Hungary put up a tall fence. The Obama Administration moved swiftly to help these people. Within the hour, the Democrats put up voter registration tables at every border checkpoint.

The Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas will host the first Democratic debate with Hillary Clinton, Martin O’Malley, Lincoln Chaffee and Bernie Sanders onstage. It’s sure to showcase the front-runner’s strengths. The debate format will consist of Hillary staring at her opponents until they burst into flames.

Hillary Clinton fell to forty-four percent in a Fox News poll of Democratic candidates Wednesday just ahead of Bernie Sanders and the unannounced Joe Biden. The polls say she’s lost one-third of her voters since May. However, there’s debate over whether she lost them or deleted them from her database.

— Argus Hamilton

Because the FEC does not let candidate names appear in the title of a Super PAC, Carly Fiorina’s organization has started claiming its name CARLY for America is an acronym that stands for Conservative, Authentic, Responsive Leadership for You and for America. And I think that shows her campaign is full of Strategic, Honorable, and Interesting Tactics.

Dr. Ben Carson defended his comments about Muslims being unfit for the presidency, and posted on Facebook that he believes Sharia law is the central tenet of Islam. While most people on Facebook believe “Sharia Law” is a show about a black lady judge.

After Pope Francis became the first pontiff to address a joint session of Congress today, he went to meet with a group of homeless people. That’s right, he spoke to some people who spend all their time begging for money, and then he met with the homeless.

Donald Trump was scheduled to appear on Fox News’ “The O’Reilly Factor” tonight, but Fox canceled him after his recent comments criticizing the network. So if you want to hear about Donald Trump, you’ll just have to try CNN, MSNBC, ABC, NBC, CBS, Bravo, Facebook, Twitter, or going outside.

— Seth Meyers

A company in Japan has released a robot that’s able to simulate some emotion. Either that or Hillary Clinton just made a surprise visit to Japan.

— Conan

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