Today’s Toons 7/20/15

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & P:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Background checks for gun sales in the US have hit their highest level since 1999, when the FBI started keeping track. How about that…an industry Obama has actually helped.

Hillary Clinton held her first one-on-one interview with a national reporter since she declared her candidacy three months ago. It was interesting. In the absence of cleats and mitts, you don’t usually see that many softballs.

Hillary defended her cooperation with investigators, saying “I turned over everything that I could imagine”. The rest of it she deleted while thinking “I can’t imagine turning that over”.

An internal Veterans Affairs Department report states that about one-third of the veterans waiting to receive medical care from the agency have already died. Don’t worry, though. I’m sure government health care will be much better once everyone has it.

Democrat Senate hopeful Alan Grayson said “Democrats are willing to crawl over hot coals naked to vote for me”. But only if they don’t have to show a photo ID.

Global warming experts are saying that sea levels could rise 20 feet. Apparently their strategy for surviving this is to stand on top of a pile of government research grant money.

— Fred Thompson

The South Carolina legislature voted to take down the Confederate flag flying on the grounds of the state capitol Thursday. In the end, common sense prevailed. We Southerners must accept that the Confederate flag represents another time in our country, and it has no place in today’s Greater Mexico.

Hillary Clinton said Tuesday she was deeply offended by Donald Trump’s criticism of illegal immigration. However she said she will not return Donald Trump’s two hundred thousand dollar donation to the Clinton Foundation. Hillary Clinton said she was deeply offended, she didn’t say she was solvent.

Donald Trump pulled into a tie with Jeb Bush in the Reuters GOP presidential poll Friday. He’s setting the Red States on fire. If you think that Donald Trump got a bounce from his condemnation of illegal immigration, wait until he announces his plan to bring the Confederate flag back to WalMart.

Bill Clinton said he cheered the lowering of the rebel flag in South Carolina Friday. He signed a law raising the Rebel flag in Arkansas. We’ll never know which side he’s really on until the girl under the desk tells the special prosecutor whether she was humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic or Dixie.

Congress proposed banning the sale of all Confederate emblems in U.S. parks stores Friday. It’s finally funny. First they’re going to lower the flag, then they’ll get rid of the statues, then they’ll re-name the schools, then they’re going to order all the states that had slaves to get out of the Union.

The House of Representatives took action last week to take the federal government out of public school education. It makes perfect sense. Why on earth would you want your children’s math curriculum decided by people who have put our country’s bank account eighteen trillion dollars in debt?

The House of Representatives last week moved to try to eliminate the federal government’s participation and influence in public school curriculums. It makes perfect sense. Why would you want your children’s math curriculum decided by the people who put the country’s bank account $19 trillion in the red.

Donald Trump traveled to Southern California this week to meet with GOP conservatives who are also in show business. While he was in town, he went down to Palos Verdes to inspect his golf course. There were reports of gophers popping up on Trump’s property but it turned out to be El Chapo.

Mexico posted a four million dollar reward for information leading to the capture of the escaped drug lord Joaquin El Chapo Guzman. He’s not beyond redemption. John Kerry just offered El Chapo nuclear weapons in fifteen years if he’ll allow U.N. inspectors to search the apartment he used to live in.

Hillary Clinton’s aides admitted Friday that they are secretly worried about Bernie Sanders and the excitement he’s generating among Democrats. A new poll says sixty-four percent of voters in her own party say they aren’t excited by Hillary Clinton. These people are known as Bill Clinton Democrats.

President Obama’s nuclear deal with Iran did not poll well Tuesday with a solid majority saying they don’t trust Iran. It just added to the national malaise. According to a new poll, thirty-five percent of Americans are considering leaving the country–these thirty-five percent are also known as taxpayers.

— Argus Hamilton

It was announced today that Iran has reached a deal with the U.S. to limit its nuclear program and send most of its uranium to Russia. Then Americans said, “That’s great! Wait, WHAT?”

In a new poll of Democratic voters, presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee came in with zero percent support. Or in other words: We’re all tied with presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee.

— Jimmy Fallon

President Obama today became the first sitting U.S. president to visit a federal prison. And for a brief moment, there was some real excitement over at Fox News.

— Seth Meyers

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