Today’s Toons 7/6/15

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During a speech at George Mason University, Hillary Clinton said Republicans are “the party of the past”. She knows about the past – she’s lived through most of it.

At a dinner celebrating Ramadan, President Obama lamented the “distorted impression” that many Americans have of Muslims. Right. YOU’RE the one who told us they riot over YouTube videos.

At a fundraiser, President Obama predicted the oceans would rise 4 feet “within our children’s lifetimes”. Say, isn’t this the same President Numbers who promised $2500 savings with Obamacare?

The Supreme Court has ruled that gay marriage is now legal in all 50 states. Given some of their previous rulings, at this point we should just be happy they didn’t make it mandatory.

The Pentagon and intelligence community are developing war plans and an operations center to fend off Chinese attacks on US military and government satellites. Yup. All run by guys who just had their personal data stolen by China.

A new report shows that login credentials for nearly every federal agency have been posted on open Internet sites for those who know where to look. Well, at least we know no one will be able to login to

The Supreme Court said that their gay marriage decision still allows churches to “advocate” for traditional marriage. Can they do it on the cake they’re forced to bake for a gay wedding?

The Inspector General said tapes containing Lois Lerner’s emails were erased because IRS employees were “unaware of a year-old directive not to destroy email backup tapes.” Or maybe they knew of one about not destroying Lois Lerner.

In a Rose Garden press conference, President Obama said that Obamacare “has never been a government takeover of health care.” Of course not. The 20,000 pages of regulations are just to prop up the short leg of the couch.

Speaking about a new State Department report, John Kerry said “the United States has room to improve” on human rights. OK, so where are we coming up short? Beheadings or stonings?

Russia’s state space agency says it’s planning to land on the moon by 2029. Not to be outdone, NASA is already busy determining how to say “can you give me a lift?” in Russian.

— Fred Thompson

Donald Trump threatened to sue Univision if the Spanish language TV network carries out its threat to drop the Miss USA Pageant. They’re angry about Trump’s comments disparaging illegal immigration. They’re even angrier that he leap-frogged ten candidates in the polls after he made them.

Hillary Clinton took a week off the campaign trail to attend a series of fundraisers up and down the Eastern Seaboard. Last week, she came out strongly in favor of a federal fifteen-dollar-an-hour minimum wage. Hillary Clinton believes every American should be able to afford to attend her speeches

Congress heard testimony Thursday that the IRS destroyed Lois Lerner’s e-mail servers, erasing her written directions to target Tea Party groups in 2012. It worked. If the White House wants peace in the Middle East they should register ISIS as a conservative non-profit and let the IRS take them out.

Donald Trump’s Miss USA Pageant was dropped by Univision TV after Trump cited Mexico for dumping their criminals into the U.S. They are a great trading partner. In addition to all the silver, gold, oil, tequila and beer they provide, Mexico is also the world’s number one producer of Americans.

The New York Post reports that schoolchildren in New York public schools have begun selling salt and sugar to other kids to circumvent Michelle Obama’s lunch rules. Officials are alarmed. It’s only a matter of time before they’re pushing the harder stuff likes trans-fats and grilled cheese sandwiches.

President Obama hailed the Supreme Court decision Thursday to uphold federal subsidies in the Affordable Care Act. He cited anecdotal evidence to claim the program is working. In a recent survey, seventy-two percent of doctors say they think Obamacare is terrific as long as you don’t get sick.

NBC ended its relationship with Donald Trump Monday, canceling The Apprentice and the Miss USA Pageant, citing Trump’s comments denouncing illegal immigrants from Mexico. The network is very scrupulous over its credibility. NBC just put Brian Williams back on the air, if that’s his real name.

The Supreme Court’s ruling legalizing same-sex marriage Friday set off wild celebration in San Francisco as the city prepared for its Gay Pride Parade last Sunday. It could go even further. The Supreme Court is next expected to take up bi-sexual marriage and forecasters say it could go either way.

Justice Antonin Scalia accused Justice Kennedy of engaging in jiggery pokery to decide in favor of same-sex marriage in his majority opinion Friday. The wording was ill-advised. It just opens the door for gay rights activists to press a lawsuit to decide if the ruling includes or excludes jiggery pokery.

Hillary Clinton took the week off campaigning for private fundraisers in the Midwest and on the Eastern Seaboard. In New York, she was given the endorsement of rap star Fifty Cent. Hillary thanked him for his support but she doesn’t get out of bed for less than three hundred thousand dollars.

President Obama took a victory lap after the Supreme Court decision upholding Obamacare on Thursday. He declared that thanks to Obamacare, a woman has thrown away her wheelchair, an autistic boy can speak, and a barber has been cured of cancer. We’re so lucky–before Obama, there was only death.

The University of Missouri at Kansas City hired Chelsea Clinton for sixty-five thousand dollars to speak at the opening of a women’s hall of fame. While onstage, she was honest without being clever and she answered questions forthrightly without evasion. Everyone left feeling certain she was adopted.

— Argus Hamilton

In a recent interview, the rapper 50 Cent said he is going to be supporting Hillary Clinton. Hillary would be excited but she doesn’t get out of bed for less than a million cents.

This week Hillary Clinton joined the networking site LinkedIn. And you thought she was deleting a lot of emails before.

— Jimmy Fallon

So many people have jumped the White House fence recently that the Secret Service is putting metal spikes on it. This is the latest in security technology — from 1325. It’s impenetrable, unless you use a ladder. We’re now protecting the president’s life the same way we keep pigeons from sitting on ATMs.

— Jimmy Kimmel

Christie’s campaign slogan is “Telling it like it is.” This is in contrast to Hillary’s slogan, “Explaining why this is not what it looks like.”

— Conan

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