Today’s Toons 5/18/15

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Bill Clinton excused taking millions in foreign cash for his Foundation, saying “I gotta pay our bills”. It’d be nice if our former President could pay them in American dollars.

People ask why Obama keeps embracing middle east monarchs. I’d say it’s because he’s checked out those Bill Clinton speaking fees.

President Obama’s solution for the Baltimore rioters: “making investments so they can get the training they need to find jobs”. Yes. For example, training them not to loot the businesses where the jobs are.

Since announcing her candidacy, Hillary Clinton has taken a total of eight questions from the press. By way of comparison, in that same period, Ambassador Stevens hasn’t taken a single one.

— Fred Thompson

Hillary Clinton raised millions at an L.A. fundraiser at a producer’s mansion in Pacific Palisades Thursday with stars in attendance. She raised a few million more at a billionaire’s home in Beverly Hills. Hillary spoke to them about the plight of middle-class families, but we’re all just speculating here.

Hillary Clinton told Las Vegas last week that as president she’d not only grant amnesty to illegal immigrants, she would grant them U.S. citizenship. That would allow them to vote. The Democratic Party used to enjoy the advantage of having eight children in every family, but today they just order in.

President Obama flew to South Dakota to speak at the Lake Area Technical Institute Friday. It was the fiftieth state he has visited. His job approval there is low, but environmentalists in South Dakota are very happy with Obama’s presidential legacy because they know that Mt. Rushmore is safe.

ISIS leaders in Syria threatened to send ISIS fighters into the West Bank on Thursday and wage holy war against the Palestinian terror group Hamas. Imagine a ground war between Hamas and ISIS. For once Americans would feel just like soccer fans, sitting around and rooting for a scoreless tie.

Hillary Clinton enjoyed a successful fundraising haul in Beverly Hills Thursday at two dinners held at private homes. She won over a lot of skeptics. Hillary Clinton assured Democrats in Beverly Hills of her long-standing support for Israel, pointing out that her husband’s last girlfriend was Jewish.

Hillary Clinton was endorsed by the Moonlight Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada, whose ladies formed Hookers for Hillary. They are serious about it. Just once they would like to see a woman break the glass ceiling without hitting their head on the top of the tanning bed while they’re working.

The NFL suspended Tom Brady for four games for text-messaging clubhouse workers to deflate game balls to his grip and liking. He was mum the next day. Tom Brady referred all questions about his refusal to give NFL investigators his smart phone and text messages to his lawyer, Hillary Clinton.

David Letterman welcomed Bill Clinton as his guest on the Late Show on CBS Tuesday. It made for terrific entertainment. David Letterman opened with a joke about Bill Clinton and his intern sex scandal and then Bill Clinton opened with a joke about David Letterman and his intern sex scandal.

Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter Seymour Hersh wrote an expose of the U.S. raid on the bin Laden compound by U.S. Navy SEALs four years ago Saturday. The article claims the White House lied about the facts surrounding the death of Osama bin Laden. It turns out he was taken down by Brian Williams.

President Obama was ripped by liberal Democrats over the Trans-Pacific free trade pact whose protocols are under wraps. He had good reason for keeping the trade pact secret. It’s presidential library funding time, and invisible foreign donors are popping up like zombies in a Halloween movie.

— Argus Hamilton

Even the White House is weighing in on the deflate-gate scandal. Yesterday they encouraged Tom Brady to “be mindful of the way he serves as a role model.” And then President Obama stuffed out his cigarette and went golfing at noon on a weekday.

— Jimmy Fallon

Mitt Romney will box Evander Holyfield tomorrow. So finally, someone can honestly say “Mitt, I think you should run.”

— Seth Meyers

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