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In Case You Missed It Dept.:
A new report shows that under Obamacare, the percentage of taxes going towards federal healthcare expenses has jumped 22%. That’s terrific! See how much easier Obamacare makes it to track wasteful government spending?
During a stop in Iowa, Hillary Clinton’s campaign van was photographed parked in a handicap spot. Not the best way to dodge that “age” issue, Hil.
At a White House presser, Josh Earnest said that trying to “get Iran to renounce terrorism is unrealistic”. Having them keep up their end of a nuclear treaty is a slam dunk, though.
A new study shows that President Obama’s new coal-plant-killing EPA rules could destroy up to 300,000 jobs. So, only marginally worse than the programs he passes to save jobs.
At a Congressional hearing, two top military officials described North Korea as “increasingly dangerous and unpredictable”. So… perfect candidates for a John Kerry treaty-negotiation, then?
In his weekly address, President Obama warned that global warming “poses immediate risks to our national security”. Yes, all those terrorists sneaking into the country to perform climate studies.
President Obama said the current nuclear deal with Iran is a “political agreement”, not a “formal treaty”. I thought the technical term was “sucker bet”.
— Fred Thompson
GOP candidate Rand Paul slammed the Clinton Foundation for taking millions in contributions from human rights abuser the Sultan of Brunei. He pointed out that adulterers are stoned to death there. Every time Bill Clinton hears there’s a rock concert in Brunei, he’s grateful it’s not him this time.
Hillary Clinton told another whopper Thursday, informing Iowans that all her grandparents emigrated to America. Only one did, and it was so brutal. Her grandfather Hugh Rodham arrived in the U.S. from England and after settling in Connecticut he was twice penalized two strokes for slow play.
Al-Qaeda of the Arabian Peninsula fighters seized a key seaport in Yemen Thursday, threatening Western citizens and Western interests there. U.S. citizens have begun evacuating the country. President Obama said we have al-Qaeda on the run and if they beat us to the airport there’s no way out of Yemen.
President Obama’s executive order shielding illegal immigrants from deportation without a law passed by Congress will be challenged in a federal court this week. It’s causing chaos. In Los Angeles on Friday, two guys from Mexico showed up for their deportation hearing and the judge married them.
Campaign 2016 got underway with presidential candidates swarming Iowa last week. The voter outreach strategy is pretty obvious. Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio spoke about their immigrant heritage, Jeb Bush was caught on an old voter form claiming he’s Hispanic, and Hillary Clinton ate at Chipotle.
Hillary Clinton returned to New York to review her Iowa appearance Friday. The optics needed work. When security cameras showed Hillary and her aide Huma walking into Chipotle’s wearing sunglasses, it looked like Thelma and Louise were on the ticket if they can avoid the feds for two years.
The New York Times recounted that Hillary Clinton visited a U.S. Marine recruiting office in the early Seventies and tried to join the U.S. Marines during the Vietnam War. However the Marine recruiter turned down her application. He explained to her that we weren’t THAT mad at the Viet Cong.
Hillary Clinton got into hot water in Iowa on Wednesday when she declared that all four of her grandparents immigrated to America. In fact all four of them did not immigrate to America, only one did. When Bill was asked if Hillary had lied he said that it depends on what your definition of all is.
Joe Biden debunked the notion that ISIS is winning in Iraq the same day ISIS stormed Ramadi which guards the oil fields. A war to protect oil is not in the Democratic playbook. If ISIS were a gas guzzling SUV the Obama Administration would destroy them in three days for causing climate change.
Hillary Clinton vowed increased security at the White House Monday in light of recent Secret Service lapses. She and her husband run a tight ship. Fawn Hall smuggled secret documents out of Ronald Reagan’s White House in her underwear, and Bill Clinton would never have let that happen.
Ben Affleck lobbied PBS to edit out his family’s slave-owning past for the PBS series Find Your Roots hosted by Professor Henry Gates. It’s easy to see why. Actors have a superstition that anything on your resume that gets you work at Colonial Williamsburg will cost you work in Hollywood.
Hillary Clinton arrived in New Hampshire to campaign Monday after spending a previous week in Iowa listening to what the people have to say. It was a strategy that’s best for everybody. Hillary listens to the people because if the people want to listen to Hillary it costs two hundred thousand dollars.
Clinton Cash is a new book which says that Hillary Clinton made favorable U.S. policy decisions to nations who gave to the Clinton Foundation. It says she favored those who paid Bill huge speaking fees. If true, Hillary’s just a voter fraud charge away from completing her doctorate in Chicago Studies.
Clinton Cash is a new book saying Hillary used her post as Secretary of State to greatly increase her family’s fortune via donations to the Clinton Foundation and high speaking fees for Bill. That’s not fair. She was only trying to close the income inequality gap between the Clintons and David Rockefeller.
The Moonlight Bunny Ranch prostitutes formed a political group called Hookers for Hillary in Nevada Monday to raise money for her presidential candidacy. The hookers plan to raise lots of money the Hillary way. For an extra hundred dollars they’ll change positions to suit the donor’s needs.
The Senate is moving to give President Obama fast-track authority to negotiate the Trans-Asian Free Trade Pact. They trust the president to negotiate U.S. foreign trade deals. Ever since Obama got one deserter in exchange for five Taliban commanders, we are up to our necks in fabulous offers.
The White House reported that Secret Service agents intercepted yet another intruder jumping over the fence to try to get into the White House Monday. It’s the sixth attempt in a year. The Secret Service won’t reveal the identity of the latest fence-jumper, they will only say that she tore her pantsuit.
— Argus Hamilton
Tomorrow President Obama will host NASCAR racing champion Kevin Harvick at the White House. They both said they look forward to spending an hour or two not having the slightest interest in what the other is saying.
— Jimmy Fallon
An intruder was arrested at the White House last night after trying to jump the fence. Authorities aren’t releasing the fence jumper’s identity, but they did say that she tore her pantsuit.
— Seth Meyers
Hillary is in Iowa to listen to what the people are saying — because if you want her to speak, that will cost you $200,000. So she’s there listening.
The Hillary team is driving around in a van. Sometimes people get those gag bumper stickers put on their van. Hillary has one on her van, and it says, “If this van’s rockin’, I’m deleting emails.”
Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that’s how Hillary got rid of her emails.
At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.
This is exactly the same look you get from your friends if you tell them you are going to vote for Hillary Clinton.