This Thread Brought To You By The Letters R & P:
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
An Iranian General was quoted as saying that “Israel’s destruction is non-negotiable”. It’s just bluster. I’m sure Kerry will figure out a way to talk them down to half.
— Fred Thompson
The White House disclosed Tuesday that President Obama and his family are planning to move to New York City and work in New York after his second term in office expires in twenty-one months. He is already acting like he owns the town. The government of Iran just sold him the Brooklyn Bridge.
Iran newspapers reported Friday that the U.S.-Iran deal allows Iran to update plutonium plants, enrich uranium, and add centrifuges. It’s the opposite of what the New York Times said. President Obama will only read the New York Times because he doesn’t like to cloud up his mind with opposing points of view.
Senator Ted Cruz raised four million dollars from Tea Party supporters in his first week on the presidential trail. His opponents are scrambling. Ted Cruz announced he was running for president last week, and for the first time in seven years, Democrats are concerned about verifying U.S. citizenship.
Hillary Clinton leased two floors of a Brooklyn office building from a major campaign donor on Friday believed to be her future presidential campaign headquarters. Clinton political headquarters are traditionally two stories. One story you tell the New York Times, and one story you tell House investigators.
President Obama gave a two-hour interview to the New York Times Monday in which he insisted the nuclear framework deal he struck with Iran was the best deal for the US. Then with TV cameras rolling, the president vowed he that he will be able to catch Iran if they cheat. It’s another dig at Hillary.
Senate Foreign Relations Committee Chairman Bob Corker demanded a Senate vote on any deal that the U.S. signs with Iran. Neither side can agree on what they’ve agreed on. The White House says that Iran agreed to give up trying to make a nuclear weapon, while Iran says that was just for Lent.
President Obama in his interview with the New York Times on Monday vigorously defended the U.S.-Iran nuclear agreement and he explained his foreign policy actions in Syria, Iraq and Yemen. During the interview, the president spelled out the Obama Doctrine. It states that you can’t win them all.
GOP Senator Rand Paul announce his candidacy for the presidency Tuesday. As a Libertarian, Rand favors the legalization of recreational drugs including pot and cocaine. Young people will flock to his banner in the primaries because win or lose, they’re sure he’ll have the best election night parties.
President Obama was reading a story to kids in the Rose Garden at the Easter Egg Roll Monday when the kids started screaming as bees swarmed. He told them bees are good and won’t sting them and the kids calmed down. Then he said the same thing about Iran and the kids called child services on him.
Jeb Bush admitted he screwed up Tuesday when a Florida voter registration form from six years ago revealed he’d checked off the box identifying himself as Spanish. Democrats didn’t dare respond. For the last thirty-nine years, Bill Clinton has identified himself on voter registration forms as married.
The White House said Tuesday that Russian hackers made it into the White House’s computers last year through State Department computers. They gained access to President Obama’s top-secret daily schedule. The Russians not only knew what golf course he was at, they knew what hole he was on.
The White House confirms Russian hackers broke into State Department computers and copied all communications by the Secretary of State. What a mess. As if negotiations with Russia weren’t complicated enough, Congress has offered to give up Ukraine in exchange for Hillary’s missing e-mails.
Federal Election Commission officials announced Tuesday it may be possible for Americans to vote with their smart phones in the next presidential election. How cool. In one swipe you can not only choose the next president, you can forward her the lewd e-mail that her husband sent to your daughter.
CNN tried to stir up controversy by reporting that fifteen of the likely Republican candidates for president own a total of forty pistols and rifles and shotguns between them. The message is crystal clear. If you elect a Republican president, it’ll put an end to people jumping over the White House fence.
— Argus Hamilton
Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, “But just for Lent. We’ll start again on Monday.”
Jeb Bush is facing criticism after it was just revealed that he checked off his race as “Hispanic” on a voter registration form back in 2009. When asked if he regrets it now, Bush said, “Si.”
When he was asked about Hillary’s candidacy, Obama said, “If she’s her wonderful self, I’m sure she’ll do great.” He added, “If she’s her other self, watch out.”
— Jimmy Fallon
According to The New York Times, Jeb Bush identified himself as Hispanic on his 2009 voter registration form. While Hillary Clinton identified herself as “President.”
Jeb Bush identified himself as Hispanic, so I guess it’s actually pronounced “Yeb Bush.”
Election season is heating up. We’re starting to hear who’s running for president in 2016. Hillary Clinton is expected to launch her 2016 campaign sometime in the next two weeks. So remember, act surprised.
— Seth Meyers
The top 15 contenders for the Republican nomination own at least 40 guns among them. If we elect a Republican president no one is hopping over the White House fence ever again.
Just got an email informing us that Hillary Clinton has announced she is running for President. So we did the appropriate thing: we deleted it.
— Sierra Marlee
Great Orators of the Democrat Party:
From the “Mother Superior Moron”: “We just have to pass the Healthcare Bill to see what’s in it.”
— Nancy Pelosi (Quoted March, 2010) (As one Doctor said: That is also the perfect definition of a stool sample.)