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President Obama sharply criticized China’s plans for placing burdensome new rules on US tech companies. Probably just jealous he didn’t think of them first.
The International Atomic Energy Agency said that Iran “has carried out activities that are relevant to the development of a nuclear explosive device”. And Obama said “See? I told you they weren’t ‘building a bomb'”.
Not only did Hillary Clinton use a private email address as Secretary of State, she ran it from her own private computer system. I’ll be THAT had a “Reset” button that worked.
President Obama tried to sound confident on Iran, saying “if there’s no deal, then we walk away”. And if there is, then we’ll be crawling.
A new report shows that 116 detainees released from Gitmo subsequently reengaged in terrorist activities. Apparently under Obama it’s become less of a prison and more of a farm league.
A new study shows that too much praise can turn your child into a rude narcissist. Giving them a Nobel Peace Prize for no reason doesn’t help any, either.
— Fred Thompson
The FCC passed Net Neutrality rules last week, allowing the government to regulate the Internet like a utility. It’s gotten very crazy lately. Hillary Clinton got in trouble for using private e-mail to do all her business while Bill Clinton got in trouble for doing all his business at Adult Dating and Massage.
The House Select Committee investigating the Benghazi attack subpoenaed all Hillary Clinton’s private e-mails while she was Secretary of State. The committee is not satisfied with what she’s made available. They thought it was pretty rude of Hillary to only release her Promotions and Updates folder.
The Pentagon warned Friday if Iranian troops leading Iraqi troops in Iraq defeat ISIS, Iran will control Iraq. So now root for either the Iranians or ISIS. Perhaps the Obama Administration shouldn’t spend so much time denouncing Missouri cops because now it appears they could really use one in Iraq.
Nobel Peace Prize committee chairman Thor Jagland was demoted to committee member Friday in Oslo. He’s ridiculed for awarding Obama the prize six years ago after he’d only been U.S. president less than a month. It’s the only Nobel Peace Prize ever celebrated with a drone strike and a troop surge.
Secretary of State John Kerry returned to Geneva to resume negotiating a nuclear weapons ban deal with Iran that reportedly leaves Iran on its own in ten years. So Iran can make a nuclear bomb in ten years. By then Baby Boomers will be old, and there’s nothing old people enjoy like a fireworks show.
Attorney General Eric Holder cleared the Ferguson cop of wrongdoing but then cited Ferguson police for engaging in institutional racism. It’s all he sees. When Harrison Ford crashed his private plane on a golf course on Thursday, the Attorney General called it the whitest of white people problems.
President Obama flew to Alabama to mark the fiftieth anniversary of the civil rights march from Selma to Montgomery. Today, Americans can boast of much racial progress thanks to the work of this administration. If nothing else, Joe Biden has ended the myth of white supremacy once and for all.
The Supreme Court heard arguments Thursday on the constitutionality of imposing Obamacare on states that didn’t set up health exchanges. The court was packed to see nine people arguing with each over Obamacare at the same time. It’s a ritual familiar to most Americans as Thanksgiving dinner.
Hillary Clinton is under fire for creating private e-mail accounts she used as Secretary of State so that she could erase any conversations that might incriminate her or embarrass her. Life is a circle. You start out your career by investigating Richard Nixon and you end it by channeling Richard Nixon.
U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon issued a proclamation marking Sunday as International Women’s Day. The Obama Administration joined in. In honor of International Women’s Day, Joe Biden went to New York and inappropriately touched every woman entering the United Nations building.
Hillary Clinton refused to hand over her email server Tuesday saying it contains private emails about Chelsea’s wedding and her mother’s funeral. The family touch was nice. She did admit that the King of Saudi Arabia gave them a little dog they’ve named Checkers, and the Clintons are going to keep him.
Hillary Clinton conceded she made a mistake Tuesday by not using one BlackBerry for personal e-mails and a second one for official use. She assured the American people that her private e-mail was not used to share anything that would threaten the security of the nation. That’s what Twitter is for.
Hillary Clinton refused to give up her private computer server Tuesday to verify her diplomatic work. It’s a family obsession about private server secrecy. Everyone on the Mayflower Hotel staff is required to sign a confidentiality agreement before they’re allowed to deliver room service to Bill Clinton.
Iraqi commanders rebuked U.S. General Martin Dempsey when he visited Baghdad Tuesday and refused to give up Iranian help in taking Tikrit. We’ve been elbowed out by the Shiites. Right now the Iranians are fighting ISIS over control of Iraq in a war with more Is than a President Obama speech about someone else.
Iranian soldiers led Iraqi soldiers into battle and recaptured Saddam Hussein’s hometown of Tikrit from ISIS. Our last enemy was led by our next enemy and defeated our current enemy. Things are going so much smoother ever since the Obamacare website team moved over to Pentagon planning.
Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter told Congress Wednesday that ISIS is metastasizing outside of Syria and Iraq. He’s a theoretical physicist. President Obama wants to know how we can theoretically put one hundred thousand U.S. troops back into the Middle East without their boots touching the ground.
Hillary Clinton flubbed a press conference intended to explain why she used private e-mail to conduct foreign policy. She said she deleted any e-mails she deemed private and declared she won’t surrender the server. Harrison Ford sounded better assuring the tower that he had the runway in sight.
— Argus Hamilton
Hillary Clinton could use one of these Apple Watches. She could hook it up to her secret email account. If you want to contact Hillary, she’s at firstname.lastname@example.org
Finally, a Clinton scandal the entire family can enjoy.
Some Secret Service guys crashed a car into the White House. And they had been drinking when it happened. Actually, they hit a barrier trying to get to the White House. It’s the same thing that is happening to Hillary.
This is a very big week for us here. Tomorrow night on our show we get a visit from President Obama, which means that all of you here tonight just missed having to get a cavity search to get in here tonight.
President Obama is here tonight to promote a project he’s been working on called the United States.
There is controversy surrounding Obama’s appearance on the show. Monday we announced the president would be here. This morning I got a letter from 47 Republicans telling me not to sign any deals with him.
— Jimmy Kimmel
If President Obama makes a treaty all on his own with Iran, John Boehner and Mitch McConnell would fund every penny of it.
— Still Evident
Here’s a suggestion for Ferguson: “No justice – no peace officers.”
— Stilton Jarlsberg