Today’s Toons 2/23/15

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

During an interview, Michelle Obama said you should eat healthy “if you don’t like folks messing with your life”. I remember back when that’s what the Constitution was for.

Despite being $1.3 trillion in debt to China, the US is still also sending China $20 million in foreign aid money. Great. We gave away the farm and we’re still plowing the fields.

Joe Biden encouraged people to vote Democrat in 2016, saying “I call it sticking with what works”. Or “sticking it to who works”, as the case may be.

Joe Biden advised his fellow Democrats to “stand for what we have done”. Good advice. After the spanking they took in the midterms, they’re too sore to sit.

A new scientific study shows that penguins almost completely lack taste receptors in their mouths. Finally – someone who can eat an entire Michelle Obama school lunch.

— Fred Thompson

The Democratic Party picked Philadelphia as host city of the National Convention Friday. This could be historic. The Republicans never thought they had a chance of carrying single women voters until the Democrats came up with the idea of nominating Bill Clinton’s wife in Bill Cosby’s birthplace.

NBC suspended Brian Williams as anchor of the NBC Nightly News for six months without pay Tuesday for making up Iraq war coverage stories. He says it isn’t his fault he misremembered the events in Iraq. He thinks the hits he took during his fifteen-year NFL career have affected his memory.

President Obama was ripped by the New York Times for diminishing the presidency after he mugged it up in a comedy video. He thought he’d try making faces and taking selfies for laughs. If he said man-made global warming is a bigger threat than terrorism, people would know he was repeating jokes.

NBC News was swamped by more evidence of NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams wildly exaggerating his role in news stories he’s witnessed or in war stories he’s covered. Hopefully his problem’s treatable. Yesterday he said he still suffers nightmares about the night he saved Private Ryan.

The New York Post reports Hillary Clinton created a staff to try to keep Bill Clinton’s sexual dalliances out of the press. He just flew to a billionaire’s Caribbean private lair named Orgy Island. Minutes later, ABC TV trademarked the name and told Bill Clinton he can name his price if he’ll host the show.

President Obama spent Presidents Day in Rancho Mirage where he played golf at the El Dorado Country Club in eighty-five degrees of desert winter splendor. The problems of the world can wait. Casual followers of the news saw the president on the golf course and wondered who’d been beheaded.

President Obama referred to the Coptic Christians killed by ISIS as Egyptian citizens Monday. Last month he wouldn’t identify the Paris deli victims as Jewish. When Obama removed the bust of Winston Churchill from the Oval Office, no one knew he replaced it with a bust of Neville Chamberlain.

Joe Biden was shown on TV groping the shoulders of the wife of Defense Secretary Ash Carter during his swearing-in ceremony. He did the same thing to Senator Coons’s daughter in January at the Senate swearing-in. Joe might be able to beat Hillary if he can neutralize Bill’s entertainment factor.

President Obama kicked off a summit called Ways to Counter Violent Extremism at the White House on Tuesday. He still won’t mention radical Islam. At a recent prayer breakfast the president linked Jim Crow to Christianity in case any hostages were beheaded this week by separate drinking fountains.

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg reacted with embarrassment when photos showed her passed out in the House chamber during President Obama’s State of the Union. She admits that she wasn’t exactly sober. Bill Cosby immediately produced documents proving that he was in Branson.

The Weather Channel reported a third Arctic blast in two weeks blasted New England with more snowstorms and froze the South all the way down to Florida. It takes resourcefulness to survive. It was so cold back East that Bill Clinton was dating young women and asking them to blow on his hands.

Barack Obama told the Violent Extremism Summit Wednesday that the Islamic State in no way represents Islam. He’s a tough defender. For a thousand years, Arab leaders have competed to see who would be the next Saladin, but nobody thought it would be an American president from Indonesia.

— Argus Hamilton

Sunday is the Academy Awards. Every time an actor says, “I didn’t expect this,” Ruth Bader Ginsburg will do a shot.

— Letterman

I had an amazing experience in Cuba. People there are fantastic. But I do have to say it’s very nice to be back home in front of all of you capitalist pigs.

— Conan


White House Issues Statement On Beheadings

The Obama White House released a strongly worded statement Sunday condemning the killing of 21 Egyptian Coptic Christians by Islamic jihadists in Libya:

The United States condemns the despicable and cowardly random murder of 21 Egyptian citizens in Libya by unknown assailants. This wanton killing of innocents is just the most recent of the many vicious acts largely precipitated by an increasingly unstable climate, primarily caused by man-made emissions. The United States urges the nations of the world to join in combating this imminent threat to all of mankind.

— Scooter Van Neuter

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