Today’s Toons 2/16/15

Click for related video:

Click below for related story:

Click for related video:

Click below for Tony’s toons:

Click for related video:

This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

The FCC wants to regulate the internet using a telecommunications law written in 1934. Perfect. Have it apply to any parts of the internet that use telegraph wires.

— Fred Thompson

President Obama met with reporters in the White House after video of the ISIS execution of the Jordanian pilot aired but Obama refused to call the killers radical Islamists. In an off choice of words, the president did call ISIS the network of death. Apparently he never heard of Blue Cross of California.

President Obama stunned a prayer breakfast by claiming the atrocities of the Crusades, slavery and Jim Crow were committed in Christ’s name. He’s simply from another world. This week Obama went on Amazon and ordered the first copy of Harper Lee’s new book Suge Knight Runs Over a Mockingbird.

NBC News anchor Brian Williams apologized after it was revealed he was not aboard a U.S. helicopter shot down in Iraq twelve years ago, as he’d recounted ever since. It was an honest mistake. Brian confused the helicopter crash in Iraq with the helicopter crash he was in the night he killed bin Laden.

John Boehner announced Thursday that Pope Francis will address a joint session of Congress this fall during a stopover in Washington D.C. He will be in town for a day. Pope Francis is expected to get together with President Obama, even though neither one likes the other’s holier-than-thou attitude.

President Obama at the prayer breakfast Thursday brought up the Crusades to claim Christians were as guilty of past terrorism as ISIS is. The implication is that today’s Christianity is rooted in terrorism. He’s going to keep linking chocolate Easter bunnies to childhood obesity till he’s impeached.

Sony Studios chief Amy Pascal resigned in the wake of hacked emails which revealed Amy joking to a producer via email that President Obama’s likely favorite movie is Twelve Years a Slave. She knew the law. In Hollywood it is a sin punishable by public flogging to draw cartoons of the Prophet Obama.

National Security Advisor Susan Rice said Friday ISIS does not pose an existential threat. And neither does al-Qaeda, al-Qaeda of Yemen, the Muslim Brotherhood, lawless Libya, Iran if it gets a nuclear bomb or Pakistan with a nuclear bomb. The Middle East isn’t a theater of war, it’s a multi-plex.

Brian Williams announced Sunday he was taking leave from his anchor desk at NBC News for a few days. He let his bosses know where they can reach him. He’s currently lying on a highway in ISIS-controlled Syria where Suge Knight just missed running over him and then Bruce Jenner hit him.

President Obama held a press conference at the White House with German Chancellor Angela Merkel Monday to discuss the crisis in Ukraine. The president was clearly pleased to see the German Chancellor. He loves the chance to match the face to the voice he hears on the NSA wiretaps every day.

President Obama claimed in his Grammy Awards commercial on Sunday that forty million U.S. women have been sexually assaulted. However, police statistics show the number is two million. If found to be making up stories, President Obama could get two-to-five years as anchor of the NBC Nightly News.

NBC suspended Brian Williams for six months without pay as anchor of the NBC Nightly News over his tall war tales. One network’s disaster is another network’s chance to rebound. CNN’s ratings are at such a historic low that CNN network executives are looking into whether Larry King is still alive.

President Obama stated Sunday that climate change is a bigger threat to the United States than terrorism. It’s his bow to environmentalists trying to shut down coal-fired electrical plants and oil refineries. All they have to do now is figure out a way to get cars to run on beautiful pictures of Alaska.

The White House denied that last month’s al-Qaeda attack on a Paris deli was targeted at Jews Tuesday until hours later when they finally admitted it was an anti-Semitic attack. We all know the White House. Their first instinct was to blame the attack on a YouTube video making fun of corned beef.

Variety released a projection Tuesday predicting that American Sniper could top three hundred and fifty million in ticket sales by President’s Day. The movie is a phenomenon. More and more it looks like Brian Williams’ biggest mistake with his Iraq story was not getting Clint Eastwood to direct it.

President Obama asked Congress for force authorization against ISIS and he vowed to use just air power and no ground troops in what’s become the Obama Doctrine. It was the same strategy he used to combat the terrorists in Libya, Syria and Yemen. The Obama Doctrine states that you can’t win them all.

Elizabeth Warren led Hillary Clinton in both Iowa and New Hampshire polls Tuesday. Hillary once claimed falsely that she was under sniper fire in Bosnia’s airport and Warren claimed falsely she’s a Cherokee. If Brian Williams has nothing to do, the Democratic nomination is his for the taking.

— Argus Hamilton

NBC suspended Brian Williams for six months without pay for misrepresenting a story of something that happened to him 12 years ago in Iraq. I have a solution. They should send him up in a helicopter, fire an RPG at it, and if he makes it down, that’s enough. He’s forgiven.

— Jimmy Kimmel

Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News led in the ratings last week. Although I should note the figures were reported by Brian Williams.

— Conan

comments powered by Disqus