Today’s Toons 2/9/16

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Archaeologists have discovered a 55,000 year old skull in a cave in northern Israel. Next to it: a 55,000 year old Palestinian trying to push it into the sea.

During a speech in Philly, Joe Biden said Democrats have made decisions that were “hard to explain”. For example – sending Joe out to explain their decisions.

NPR reports that China’s education minister has told universities to stop using textbooks that “promote Western values”. Ah… so they want to be more like American colleges.

— Fred Thompson

American Sniper starring Bradley Cooper as U.S. Army sniper Chris Kyle was ripped by Michael Moore again who questioned the bravery in killing terrorists with sniper fire. The filmmaker is nothing if not consistent. Michael Moore saw the Hobbit and declared afterwards that all archers are cowards.

Fox News reported Thursday that one of the five Taliban fighters the U.S. exchanged for deserter Sgt. Bo Bergdahl is re-joining the Taliban in Afghanistan. We traded them five of their guys for one of our guys. The U.S. government can’t even swap prisoners without running up an eighty percent deficit.

President Obama was urged by civil rights leaders Friday to try to improve black unemployment numbers while he’s still in office. How bad is it? The economy is so bad in South Central Los Angeles that rap moguls who run over rival drug dealers on the streets of Compton have been forced to carpool.

American Sniper gained Oscar buzz Friday as the movie passed two hundred million at the box office in America. The public appreciates the movie’s contrast in its unambiguous attitude toward terrorists. President Obama wages war like he’s afraid the enemy is going to call Child Services on him.

President Obama offered NBC interviewer Savannah Guthrie a cup of his home brew and some taco chips in their Super Bowl interview. The media reaction was predictable. MSNBC compared the gesture to the Last Supper while Fox News reported that Obama broke Muslim law by getting drunk.

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker led Iowa polls among GOP presidential hopefuls Monday. He twice beat Democrats for governor in a blue state, he’s defeated the teachers’ union and he’s defeated a Democratic recall election effort. He’s expected to enjoy a nice moment in the sun until Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton travel to Iowa and subtly remind Iowans that we’re all hereditary monarchists at heart.

Jordan’s King Abdullah flew to Washington Tuesday for a meeting with President Obama about the ISIS reign of terror in the Mideast. The time for action is now. The Muslim desert king has been criticized by his opponents for his reluctance to take on ISIS more forcefully, and so has King Abdullah.

Jordan’s King Abdullah flew home from the U.S. and answered the ISIS murder of Jordan’s pilot by executing two ISIS prisoners and mobilizing his army. Reaction was twofold. ISIS announced its forces are withdrawing from northernmost Syria and King Abdullah is leading all Republicans in Iowa.

President Obama met with Dream Act scholarship recipients Wednesday. The Dream Act gives college money to illegal alien kids paid for by a ten percent tax on tanning booth sessions. Leave it to Democrats to subsidize brown people who want to be Americans by taxing Americans who want to be brown people.

NBC News anchor Brian Williams admitted Tuesday he was not in an Army helicopter in Iraq that was shot down twelve years ago, as he’s been telling viewers ever since. It’s an honest mistake. How many times, when your car backfires, do you think you just got shot down in a helicopter in Iraq.

— Argus Hamilton

Yesterday Obama presented a $4 trillion budget that he says would help the middle class. Then the middle class said, “You know what? How about you just give us the $4 trillion? We’ll figure out what to do with it.”

President Obama unveiled a $4 trillion budget for 2016 that would increase taxes on the wealthy and spend more money on education. He also made a snowball and put it in the oven, just to see which would last longer, his budget or the snowball.

— Jimmy Fallon

Brian Williams of NBC News has admitted he embellished a story about being in a helicopter that was shot at in Iraq. Williams says the helicopter part was true but it was a coin-operated helicopter outside of a Chuck E. Cheese. It was in a bad part of Connecticut.

— Conan


A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, ‘Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.’

The Harley rider replies, ‘Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.’

The reporter says, ‘Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?’

The biker replies, I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:


…and THAT pretty much sums up the media’s approach to the news these days…

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