Today’s Toons 2/2/15

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

At a press conference, Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady downplayed DeflateGate, saying “this isn’t ISIS”. True. You can tell because the media’s all over this story.

MSNBC’s Chris Matthews said that, in the State of the Union speech, “Obama laid out his legacy”. Yes – a president speaking to two Republican-controlled houses of Congress.

Hillary’s campaign advisers commented that she is now “100% likely to run”. Coincidentally, also her Mid-East foreign policy.

A new TSA report shows that a record number of firearms were found at airport security checkpoints in 2014, 80% of them loaded. Oddly, none of them in a 4 ounce bottle of shampoo.

— Fred Thompson

President Obama in his State of the Union address Tuesday mentioned lesbians, he mentioned gays and he mentioned transgenders, but Obama didn’t once mention al-Qaeda. That’s easily explainable. Until al-Qaeda registers in California as a sexual preference, Democrats are going to pretend they don’t exist.

John Boehner invited Israel’s prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu to address Congress and express his support for the sanctions bill on Iran, against Obama’s wishes. The State Department is furious. They’re sending James Taylor to Jerusalem to sing his divorce proceedings from Carly Simon.

Hillary Clinton gave two paid speeches at corporate events in Canada last week accompanied by sixty U.S. Secret Service agents for her protection. Hillary’s trying to sock away as much money as she can before she’s required to announce for president. Prince Charles is less certain that he’s next in line.

House Speaker John Boehner denied any interest in a White House run Thursday. He says he loves to drink wine and smoke cigarettes too much to ever run for president. For all the bad publicity which alcohol and tobacco receive, they never get any credit for the presidencies they prevent.

President Obama was interviewed on YouTube by loony blogger GloZell Green who wears green lipstick and eats cereal out of her bathwater. They joked about police killing black men in hoodies. As they laughed, Iran took over Yemen, but they refused to let that spoil a cool and wonderful moment.

President Obama was interviewed on YouTube by wacky GloZell Green. She posts videos of herself eating Fruit Loops from her bathwater as she bathes. He said that John Boehner inviting Bibi Netanyahu to address Congress without his permission undermines the dignity of the presidency.

Internal Revenue Service officials complained Tuesday that budget cuts were severely restricting the ability of the IRS to provide service to taxpayers. It’s frenetic. IRS agents are so buried by work they automatically referred the rapper Ice Tea for an audit just assuming he was a conservative group.

Politico reported online Tuesday its sources say that Hillary Clinton is one hundred percent going to enter the race for U.S. president. Most people agree that Hillary’s top quality is the historical nature of her candidacy. She could be the last Anglo-Saxon the Democrats ever nominate for president.

Attorney General nominee Loretta Lynch told her Senate confirmation committee Wednesday that illegal aliens have the same right to work as U.S. citizens. It’s a sign of the times. The Democratic Party used to enjoy the advantage of having eight children in every family, but now they just order in.

President Obama landed in Saudi Arabia Tuesday to meet King Salman and discuss Mideast strategy. The Saudi way of thinking is the exact opposite of the Western way of thinking. The Saudis cover up their women and sell their oil, while in California, we expose our women and cover up our oil.

Hillary Clinton agreed to testify to the House committee on the Benghazi attack but the House can’t get State’s records. The president’s in the clear. President Obama can prove he knew nothing about a terrorist attack on the consulate, he was too busy not knowing anything about the IRS scandal.

— Argus Hamilton

In a speech today, President Obama said that Michelle Obama is very strong and talented and she frequently tells him that he is wrong. As a result, Michelle Obama is now the Republican front-runner for 2016.

— Conan

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