Not to mention your ideology…
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In Case You Missed It Dept.:
Tom Hanks will light the National Christmas Tree with President Obama Friday. He’ll alienate liberals by observing Christmas and anger conservatives for standing by Obama. He’s in enough trouble with Michelle Obama for teaching a generation of school children that life is like a box of chocolates.
The National Retailers Association released its holiday Top Toys Survey Thursday which reveals that the Barbie Doll in no longer the number one-selling doll at the toy stores. It reported the top seller is the Elsa doll from the Disney movie Frozen. Frozen is an animated film about the Obamacare website.
President Obama pardoned two turkeys presented to him by the National Turkey Federation at the White House Wednesday. They’re named Mac and Cheese. The ceremony usually makes a nice photo-op, but Obama’s approval ratings are so low the turkeys asked for no pictures with the president.
Black Friday lured hordes of shoppers to retail stores for bargains Friday. It was calm compared to Thanksgiving dinner. At dinner tables across America Thursday, parents, kids, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins were doing just fine for about fifteen minutes and then someone mentioned Obama.
President Obama pardoned two turkeys presented to him by the National Turkey Federation at the annual ceremony at the White House Wednesday. Their names are Mac and Cheese. After they received their presidential pardon, the turkeys each received a driver’s license and registered Democrat.
House Republicans were reported considering disinviting President Obama from giving his State of the Union speech in the House Chamber in January. What a shame. This is the speech where the president opens up by saying the State of the Union is strong, and it’s the biggest laugh he gets all year.
Washington D.C. protestors blocked expressways Monday in protest of the Ferguson grand jury decision while protestors jammed Times Square demanding racial justice. The outrage is spreading. Not to be outdone, Bill Cosby’s accusers will be looting and burning a Jello factory tonight.
President Obama met with Al Sharpton and civil rights leaders Monday to bemoan the violence inflicted on black men by the authorities. It’s bad. Last month, U.S. voters inflicted such a terrible beating on Barack Obama that Johnnie Cochran came to him in a dream and told him he’s got a case.
President Obama met civil rights leaders Monday to discuss Ferguson riot grievances. His initial reaction caused panic. When President Obama said we’re a nation ruled by laws, the Secret Service agents wrestled him to the ground and demanded to know what he did with the real President Obama.
Democratic House members of the Congressional Black Caucus concluded their speeches on the House floor about the street riots in Ferguson on Monday by raising their arms in the air in the Don’t Shoot gesture. It was a new low. They’ve just been sued for copyright infringement by the French Army.
The U.S. national debt passed eighteen trillion dollars on Tuesday, setting an all-time record. This explains why the U.S. birth rates are so low despite the U.S. pregnancy rate being so high. On the date of their birth, the babies see the amount of money they are going to owe and they refuse to come out.
New York stirred with unrest Wednesday after a Staten Island grand jury refused to indict a cop who accidentally choked a black suspect to death with a choke hold. Here we go again. To protest the incident, the St. Louis Rams this Sunday plan to blow a three touchdown lead with two minutes to play.
The Weather Channel showed mudslides closing Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu Tuesday amid rainstorms that knocked out cable TV service in Brentwood, Bel-Air and Beverly Hills. Nobody from FEMA showed up. You get the feeling that President Obama just doesn’t care about rich, white people.
— Argus Hamilton
A political action committee trying to raise money for a 2016 Hillary Clinton campaign is selling “Ready for Hillary” champagne glasses and Christmas ornaments. Because if one thing improves the holidays, it’s drinking mixed with politics.
— Jimmy Fallon
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Little Jenny was next:
“I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”
“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher…
Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn.
The teacher held her breath …
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said.
“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”
“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.
“Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.”
They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog poop!”
Then I would say,”It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?”
“I used the Democrats’ approach of giving you something crappy for free, and then making you pay to get the crappy taste out of your mouth.”
The French government has just stated they intend to sue the black residents of Ferguson for plagiarism.
Apparently the “Hands up, don’t shoot” stance was their idea.