Today’s Toons 11/24/14

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This Thread Brought To You By The Number 0:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Obamacare architect Jonathan Gruber said Obamacare’s passage depended on the stupidity of the American people. He’s the genius who designed it. This year’s award for Scariest Costume at the West Hollywood Halloween Parade went to a guy dressed up as the new bill for your health care plan.

President Obama was slammed in the Chinese press in Beijing Thursday for chewing gum when he stepped off Air Force One in China and the newspapers said Obama looked like a rapper. It so happens that the president is very popular with the hip-hop community. His rap name is TuSlac Border.

President Obama faces a showdown with the GOP Congress this week over his plans to issue an executive order legalizing five million illegal immigrants. Compromise is possible. Republicans are willing to allow illegal immigrants in the country but only if they come in through the Keystone Pipeline.

Homeland Security ripped the Secret Service over the latest fence-jumping incident at the White House. There have been forty fence-jumping incidents at the White House over the last five years. Half of them were intruders trying to get in and the other half was President Obama trying to get out.

President Obama acted Monday like he didn’t know Obamacare author Jonathan Gruber, who said the American voters are stupid, telling reporters he’s not a staffer. He must be another one of those White House intruders. Records show that Dr. Gruber made it into the White House nineteen times and professors haven’t jumped a fence that many times since the day the Berlin Wall went up.

Bill Clinton tried a nifty two-step explaining Democratic elections losses at a Clinton Presidential Library forum. He said Obama should’ve legalized illegal aliens before the election even though the backlash might have cost them more votes. He made more sense when he said oral sex is not adultery.

Forbes released a list of the world’s most powerful leaders and named Russian President Vladimir Putin as the world’s most powerful leader with President Obama coming in second. It’s subject to debate. Americans say the power ranking isn’t fair, because in Russia being president is a full-time job.

Dumb and Dumber Two starring Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels topped the American box office last week. They play imbeciles caught up in situations over their heads. Variety calls the movie idiotic, the L.A. Times calls it stupid, and the MIT professor who created Obamacare calls it the target demographic.

President Obama shunned Obamacare architect Jonathan Gruber who said American stupidity was key to getting it passed. He’s disowned. The reception for him is so cold the temperature in the country would be ten degrees warmer if not for Jonathan Gruber bumping into Democrats at airports.

President Obama’s nominee for Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, was reported preparing for stiff questioning in her U.S. Senate confirmation hearings. Her nomination did raise eyebrows. Loretta Lynch is a curious choice for Attorney General, since she has no previous experience running guns into Mexico.

Senate Democrats refused to vote for the Keystone Pipeline which they knew President Obama would veto in order to save Mary Landrieu’s Senate seat. It’s insane. Democrats are tired of Rush Limbaugh calling them the Democrat Party, they want to be called by their full name, the Donner Party.

President Obama returned from three successful trade conferences in Asia and Australia this week. While in China he was inundated by requests for more U.S. visas so that the Chinese can come to America and work. They’re too arrogant to go to Mexico and wait their turn at the truck stop.

President Obama will give a speech in a Las Vegas high school today to lay out the details of his executive order which will legalize the status of five million illegal aliens in the U.S. He’s always welcome in Las Vegas. The casinos will send a plane for anybody who’s nineteen trillion dollars in debt.

Missouri’s governor called out the National Guard ahead of the grand jury verdict in Ferguson expected any day. The weather is chilling both protestors and the police. It’s so cold in Ferguson that CNN just retreated back to their warm studio and resumed looking for the missing Malaysian airliner.

— Argus Hamilton

After a six-year battle, the Senate will vote next week to begin construction on the Keystone XL pipeline, which is an oil pipeline that runs from Canada to the Gulf Coast. They’re hoping the pipeline will provide enough oil to cover Kim Kardashian’s next photo shoot.

The Senate came one vote short of granting approval to build the Keystone pipeline. Democrats say the pipeline could accelerate global warming. Then people who’ve been outside today said, “Sounds good to me. Let’s accelerate that global warming.”

— Jimmy Fallon

President Obama gave a speech on immigration tonight, and none of the big four TV networks aired it. Even television wants to distance itself from President Obama now.

— Jimmy Kimmel

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