Today’s Toons 11/3/14

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

A new report shows that illegal poppy farming in Afghanistan is at an “all time high”, despite the US spending $7.6 billion trying to stop it. Maybe we should subsidize it instead. Stopped Solyndra cold.

An undercover video has surfaced showing deliberate voter fraud in Colorado. Which will probably end up being sold in Chicago as a training DVD.

France is continuing to be plagued by a rash of “scary clowns” running around frightening people. They’re lucky. In America, we have to put up with them regulating our healthcare.

— Fred Thompson

White House Ebola Czar Ron Klain took office Wednesday, tasked with keeping Ebola out of the U.S. His first task is to get the Obama administration’s stories straight. Last week they were claiming you have as much a chance of catching Ebola as there being a Canadian terrorist.

Canadian and U.S. officers last week surveilled Islamic converts prone to join ISIS whom profilers had refused exit passports. It’s a dilemma. North America is full of young men who want to join the violent armed group with no respect for Western laws, but the IRS is not hiring.

The White House sent a thousand more U.S. troops to West Africa Friday to help the locals deal with Ebola epidemic. It’s a scary mission. Back when Barack Obama campaigned for president on bringing the country free health care, he didn’t mention that the country is Liberia.

Republicans in Congress reacted angrily to the terrorist attack in Canada’s Parliament building Friday and ripped President Obama for saying that Islam has done much to shape America. However the statement is true. New York used to be a little taller than it is right now.

The Secret Service provided video of the Belgian guard dogs that caught the White House fence jumper on the North Lawn Thursday. The dogs work much harder than the Secret Service agents do. That’s because the dogs know the president never ate Secret Service agents as a boy.

The U.S. Senate races across the country tightened over the weekend, making both parties nervous about mid-terms. It could be very close. The pollsters say the Senate is the Republicans to lose, and if anyone knows how to lose something that was theirs to lose, it’s the Republicans.

Hillary Clinton fired up a a Democratic rally Sunday by declaring that businesses don’t create jobs before recanting it the next day. She strayed from her Goldwater Girl-Methodist-Tory true self to try to sound like a leftist. Nevertheless, Hillary can deliver the woman vote, and Bill can deliver the other-woman vote, and between the two of them, that’s a lot of women.

President Obama hit the trail to try to get out the black vote for Tuesday’s mid-terms. It’s up to him alone. The last time Joe Biden tried to inspire a black audience to get out and vote, he mentioned Malcolm X three times in his speech and called him Malcolm the Tenth each time.

U.S.-Israel relations teetered on the brink Wednesday after Obama officials were quoted in the Atlantic calling Benjamin Netanyahu a coward and chicken excrement. Israel is very mad. Susan Rice immediately went on a talk show and blamed the attack on a Mel Gibson video.

President Obama was reportedly considering flying Ebola-infected Africans into America for hospital treatment Tuesday. You can’t make it up. After five years in Iraq, the Americans couldn’t find any leader willing to attack the U.S. with biological weapons, so we had to elect one.

President Obama hugged Ebola-treating nurses back from Africa a day before he kissed a nurse who’d just recovered from Ebola. This is dangerous. In days past the Secret Service agents would have jumped in and taken a nurse for the president, but they forgot to bring cash.

The Wall Street Journal predicted the GOP could rack up historic gains due to President Obama’s unpopularity. He departed the White House Thursday to campaign for Democratic Congress candidates who’d asked for his help. He was back at the White House in about an hour.

Hillary Clinton caused a firestorm last week when she declared onstage that businesses and corporations don’t create jobs. It made no sense at all. Bill Clinton didn’t help when he defended what Hillary said, saying that it all depends on what your definition of the word job is.

Fox News reports fifty voters in Maryland complained their votes for Republicans were switched to Democrats by voting machines. Vote stealing is part of our cherished heritage. The most popular inscription on tombstones in Chicago is a bumper sticker that reads I Voted.

— Argus Hamilton

During a campaign event, former presidential nominee Bob Dole told the crowd that Mitt Romney should run for president in 2016. If there’s anyone who knows that the third time is a charm, it’s a guy who lost three times.

— Jimmy Fallon

Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush said today that he has not yet decided whether he will run for president in 2016 — at which point Hillary Clinton took her foot off of his neck.

While Mitt Romney was in Nebraska at a campaign rally to support a local Senate candidate this week, the crowd started chanting, “Run, Mitt, Run.” And now, nobody can find Mitt Romney.

— Seth Meyers

If you think there’s a lot of people trying to get into the White House now, just wait about a year.

People running for re-election are distancing themselves from President Obama. He’s very lonely. He has no close friends in the White House. In fact, an intruder hopped the fence on Sunday, made it all the way to White House, and Obama begged him to stay and watch football.

— Letterman

BREAKING NEWS: Nurse Kaci Hickox angrily tells reporters that she won’t change her clocks for daylight savings time.

— Stilton Jarlsberg

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