Today’s Toons 9/22/14

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President Obama gave a TV speech on national security to the country Wednesday. After consulting with his generals and he laid out his plans to deal with the violent extremists for their brutal and violent behavior. He is dropping the NFL Network from his basic cable package.

President Obama laid out his ISIS strategy to the nation Wednesday. So far he’s vowed to make ISIS more manageable, he’s threatened to degrade ISIS, he’s promised to destroy ISIS. When asked if Obama was sending mixed messages to ISIS, the White House replied, yes and no.

President Obama asked Congress for half a billion to arm the New Syrian Army members who have been fighting both ISIS and Syria for two years. It’s very important that we get to know them. The New Syrian Army is the group that we’ll be fighting a year after we defeat ISIS.

President Obama on Wednesday said the New Syrian Army will fight ISIS on the ground as we bomb ISIS. Two weeks ago he dismissed them as doctors, dentists and pharmacists. We must move quickly before they realize how much chemistry they know and start cooking meth instead.

Democrats in Washington were stunned by President Obama’s speech Wednesday to send the U.S. back into a new Mideast war. He ran for president solely on his opposition to a Mideast war. You know he’s getting older when even President Obama doesn’t support President Obama.

Ukraine began building a wall on its east and southern border Monday. The White House gave them the money. The good news for Republicans is that President Obama has finally built a border wall, the bad news is, it’s to keep the Mexicans from even considering going to Ukraine.

Bill Clinton and George W. Bush spoke onstage together at the Newseum in Washington Tuesday to launch a scholarship program. They have a great act. George W. Bush talks about the importance of faith and family for thirty minutes and then Bill Clinton delivers the rebuttal.

The White House said President Obama won’t be campaigning for Democratic U.S. Senate candidates in the South because it might hurt their chances to win. It’s the polls. President Obama’s latest approval numbers are so low that his new Secret Service code name is Congress.

President Obama was denied playing privileges at Winged Foot Golf Club in Westchester on Labor Day because the club didn’t want to inconvenience the members. So some good came out of it. The EPA just named Westchester as the site of America’s new Strategic Gopher Reserve.

Hillary Clinton told Democrats at the Iowa steak fry she’s thinking about running for president. The suspense is killing everybody. Hillary Clinton is thinking about running for president the same way my dog’s thinking about eating the bacon I’m holding up in front of him.

John Kerry flew to Paris to try to line up Muslim countries to join the U.S. coalition to fight ISIS. We need someone more persuasive on the world stage. John Kerry can’t even get the International House of Pancakes to take pork off the menu to show that we’re all in this together.

President Obama visited a hospital in Atlanta that treats Ebola victims Tuesday. He took advantage of their top-notch burn center. Last week in his address to the country, Obama said the radical Islamists who fight for the Islamic State are not Islamic, and his pants caught on fire.

The White House said Monday it’s going to bomb ISIS oil trucks on the roads of Iraq while they are en route to black market oil depots. Is it possible for the U.S. government to keep anything a secret? We are the only country that sends out a Save the Date before we invade you.

Joe Biden flew to Des Moines on Wednesday to speak at the kickoff of the Nuns on the Bus national tour. He steals every show he’s on. Last spring when the U.S. traded five Taliban prisoners for one American, the deal originally included Joe Biden, but the Taliban said no way.

President Obama is sending three thousand U.S. troops to Africa to battle Ebola Friday. He needs to spend less time in Los Angeles. Sending three thousand soldiers to Africa battle a deadly virus that may mutate and destroy mankind isn’t a military operation, it’s a movie pitch.

The U.S. Senate dragged Secretary of State John Kerry through the wringer over whether the U.S. is at war. Last week he said the U.S. isn’t at war with ISIS and the next day he admitted we are. John Kerry told the Senate it doesn’t matter, it just feels great to be flip-flopping again.

Secretary of State John Kerry was cross-examined in the U.S. Senate Wednesday over how the U.S. government intends to pay for a sustained conflict with ISIS terrorists . Kerry replied it’s easy. He said we should simply find a really rich country like Switzerland and then marry it.

— Argus Hamilton

This week President Obama gave a big speech from White House where he outlined his plan to quote “degrade and ultimately destroy” the terror group ISIS. When asked how, he said, “I’ll build their website.”

Vice President Joe Biden will travel to Iowa this week, three days after Hillary Clinton’s high-profile return to the state. He’ll spend two days there — one campaigning and another stuck in a corn maze.

In a recent interview, Texas Governor Rick Perry revealed that he has spent the last 20 months preparing to run for president. Then Hillary said, “Call me when you’ve spent 67 years.”

Hillary Clinton gave a speech in Iowa. She fueled speculation that she’ll run for president when she admitted that she’s “thinking about it.” And next week, she’ll be “thinking about it” when she’s in New Hampshire before she spends a few days “thinking about it” in Florida.

Hillary Clinton’s supporters are calling on her to be more herself, after some of her recent appearances seemed to be too scripted. Hillary said, “I don’t know where you guys get this stuff. Shrug and shake head.”

— Jimmy Fallon

You know who’s upset now with ISIS? Al-Qaida. It’s because ISIS is getting more attention than al-Qaida. So now, Saturday night will be Ayman al-Zawahiri bobblehead night.

— Letterman

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