Today’s Toons 7/7/14

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Asked to name the best perk of being White House Press Secretary, Josh Earnest says “probably the parking spot”. Conveniently located right next to the bus Obama will one day throw him under.

Before the House, IRS Commissioner Koskinen testified: “I never said I would provide you emails we didn’t have”. Oh? Replace “emails” with “receipts” and take that line to an audit, once.

Fox’s Greg Gutfeld said that the IRS hard drive crashes were “choreographed like a Broadway musical”. Yes. “Wicked”.

— Fred Thompson

The Supreme Court ruled President Obama can’t make recess appointments while the U.S. Senate is still in session. As the head of the executive branch, it’s now President Obama’s duty to enforce the ruling against President Obama. You’d have better luck ordering him to putt out.

Kim Jung Un denounced the movie comedy The Interview starring Seth Rogan and James Franco about two hapless guys who try to assassinate Kim. It’s been an angry month for the dictator. He just got satellite TV and figured out that Dennis Rodman wasn’t President Obama.

John Kerry flew to Baghdad and reprimanded the Iraqi government for losing control of its borders. Insurgents are pouring into Iraq and taking over cities. We’d send troops and planes but they’re busy transporting the Guatemalan children pouring across our own borders.

The Treasury Department announced record tax receipts for the month of May included in a six-month total of one trillion eight hundred million dollars from November through May. This is a new record. America hasn’t been attacked by this many zeros since Pearl Harbor.

President Obama sent two hundred U.S. troops to Baghdad to secure the U.S. Embassy, the airport and the road to the airport on Tuesday. The explanation was on message. If Hobby Lobby isn’t going to finance women’s birth control, we’re going to have to pull out everywhere.

The Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby ruling set off an angry partisan debate Tuesday. Liberals say the ruling was a violation of a woman’s right to receive free birth control at work while conservatives advise liberals to be grateful the owner of Hobby Lobby isn’t a Christian Scientist.

Hillary Clinton compared the Hobby Lobby Supreme Court ruling to societies like Saudi Arabia controlling women to men’s benefit. It upheld a law Bill Clinton signed into law. The Saudis love Bill Clinton because they think he’s the only American who’s allowed dozens of wives.

GOP operative Roger Stone wrote a book which claimed Richard Nixon and LBJ both tried to seduce Jackie Kennedy while she was first lady. She never strayed. When Jackie wasn’t re-decorating the White House, she’d put on a blonde wig and wait her turn in the secretarial pool.

Fourth of July speeches and parades tend to turn kids into conservatives says a Harvard study out Tuesday. The teacher’s union is horrified. Apparently, it just takes one patriotic speech and a fireworks show to undo two hundred and seventy days of public school education.

Quinnipiac University released a poll reporting that thirty-three percent of Americans said Barack Obama was the worst president since World War II. Two of the favorites are Jack Kennedy and Bill Clinton. It proves Americans prefer sports where the stars get to use their hands on the field.

President Obama dared Congress to sue him to stop him from bypassing Congress and enacting laws himself. What a funny twist. Republicans worried for sixty years that a Third World dictator may obtain nuclear weapons but they never thought he’d be in the White House.

— Argus Hamilton

A redneck who lives in a Southern bayou and makes duck calls for a living says he finds homosexuality distasteful, and the Left wants him silenced. The President of Iran has homosexuals hanged in public squares, and Columbia University invites him to speak to the student body.

I live in New York City where the vast majority of people are liberals. Sometimes when I see people waiting on line for something I cut right to the front of the line. If anyone says anything, I say, “I’m an illegal alien. You thought it was ok when I cut in front of the line to get into the country.”

The libtards are saying that “a man’s religion should not trump a woman’s health” — a reference to the Hobby Lobby decision. But when it comes to protecting America from muslim terror by properly profiling muslims, liberals say that a man’s religion trumps our right to stay healthy.

— Dixon Diaz



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