Today’s Toons 6/23/14

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

New Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson said there is a border “problem” that needs fixing. Obama’s plan to fix the border problem: get rid of the border.

The IRS claims that it lost over 2 years’ worth of Lois Lerner’s emails in a computer crash. OK, I’ll accept that one when I can use “lost receipts” as an excuse in an audit.

In World Cup Soccer action, USA defeated Ghana 2-1. President Obama promised to make a personal visit to the country to bow in apology.

Iran has offered to help the US get the fighting in Iraq under control. Yeah, that should work out about as well as when they helped us staff our embassy back in ’79.

It’s not just Lois Lerner’s e-mails. The Internal Revenue Service says it can’t produce e-mails from six more employees involved in the Tea Party targeting scandal. But don’t worry, you can trust them not to screw up like this in calculating your Obamacare tax.

The state of New York plans to grant citizenship and voting rights to illegal immigrants if they pay three years of taxes. Although they do risk deportation during that time if their soda cup is too big.

— Fred Thompson

Al-Qaeda rebels in Iraq captured Tikrit and Mosul on Thursday after capturing Fallujah and advancing on the capital. President Obama turned out to be right when he said we’ve got al-Qaeda on the run. Right now they’re running like the last one to Baghdad is a rotten egg.

President Obama slipped his press detail for the second straight day Wednesday and he went to his favorite burger joint. This restaurant may have the world’s best security now. That’s because the president traded them five Secret Service agents for a full bag of cheese fries.

President Obama underwent his annual physical exam with the White House doctor last week. There was just one thing wrong. During the exam, the doctor saw the news from Iraq on his office TV and gave Obama a prescription for a pill to cure his premature evacuation.

The U.S. Patent Office canceled the trademark of the Washington Redskins owned by Dan Snyder. He’s tired of all the controversy. If someone would just offer Daniel Snyder two billion dollars for the Redskins he could sell them, buy the Cleveland Indians and live happily ever after.

The White House added to its edicts of killing coal, opening the border, and altering the ACA Tuesday by canceling the property rights of the Redskins owner. It’s the only way they can govern. Barack Obama’s approval rating is so low now, the only thing he’s above is the law.

— Argus Hamilton

President Obama just had his annual physical, which showed that he’s suffering some pain in his right foot. When asked why he doesn’t get it treated, Obama said bitterly, “It’s not covered by Obamacare.”

In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said the Bible is the most influential book she’s ever read. Some people think she might be pandering to Southern Christian voters. Then Hillary said, “Oh come on y’all — little ol’ me?”

— Jimmy Fallon

Over the weekend, President Obama got his annual presidential physical. His cholesterol is up and his approval rating is down.

The doctor said Obama passed his physical. That’s the first thing he’s passed in the second term.

You know where it’s bad now? Iraq. It was bad and now it’s getting worse. Today President Obama said he might have to send in Dennis Rodman.

— Letterman

This morning the Pentagon announced that the United States has captured a leader responsible for the Benghazi attacks. Republicans were ecstatic and said, “So, they finally got Hillary?”

President Obama’s approval rating in the U.S. is at its lowest point ever, 41 percent. After hearing this, the president said, “When did I become less popular in this country than soccer? How did that happen?”

— Conan


I have the distinguished honor of being on the Committee to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton.

We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.

We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside her husband William J. Clinton, who never told the truth, since Hillary could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else’s money.

Thank you,
Neil Blount
Hillary R. Clinton Monument Committee

P.S. The Committee has raised $2.16 so far.

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