Today’s Toons 6/16/14

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

The Department of Justice is creating a special law enforcement group to investigate those it designates as domestic terrorists. They’ll start work as soon as they get that Tea Party list from the IRS.

During a speech in Poland, President Obama said “governments exist to lift up their people”. Might work better if they stopped trying to lift them up by their taxes.

Video has leaked out of President Obama working out in a hotel gym in Warsaw. Gotta keep in shape. Don’t wanna pull a muscle bowing.

Harry Reid said that the sale of his house would “create 60 jobs”. Well, that’s 60 more than he’s created as Majority Leader.

— Fred Thompson

President Obama was at the D-Day seventieth anniversary in Normandy Friday. In this war the loser got U.S. military protection for a century and the winners got France. Barack Obama stood there thinking this makes five terrorists for a deserter look like a pretty good swap.

President Obama held an economic meeting with European leaders in Belgium where he did a little horse-trading on behalf of the American economy. We’re all set now. The president traded Eastern Europe to Vladimir Putin in exchange for Mediterranean and Baltic, who says Democrats are anti-Monopoly?

President Obama stood by his deal with the Taliban Friday. He was triumphant. He took a lot of heat for trading five enemy commanders for an accused U.S. deserter, but President Obama’s now a proud member of the Taliban Record Club and gets a new deserter every month.

Susan Rice went on the Sunday talk shows to defend the administration for trading five Taliban leaders for a soldier who went AWOL. This time she covered her tracks. Susan Rice declared that Sgt. Bergdahl served with honor and distinction, but she didn’t say for which side.

President Obama laid out his Central Asia strategy in a PBS interview on Wednesday. He disclosed that ten thousand U.S. troops will stay garrisoned in Afghanistan. The number would have been a lot less, but at least that many will be needed to protect the CIA station chief.

Hillary Clinton’s new book Hard Choices passed the one million mark in advance sales on Tuesday, two weeks before it’s released. It’s no wonder why it’s selling so well. In the book Hillary recounts her accomplishments as Secretary of State and Americans love a good mystery.

President Obama hosted sports commissioners and athletes from many sports Thursday to discuss ways to avoid concussions. He said he probably had multiple mild concussions in high school . The pot was so strong in Hawaii it was quite common to hit your head on the bong.

Hillary Clinton gave an interview to People magazine Tuesday to promote her book Hard Choices. In the interview Hillary said she’s moved on from Bill’s affair with Monica Lewinsky. However she left open the possibility of swapping him for five prisoners from Guantanamo Bay.

Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl was flown to a U.S. Army base in Germany for medical evaluation and treatment Friday. He’d spent five years with the Taliban before the prisoner swap brought him back. He was really lucky, it only took him five years to get an appointment at a VA hospital.

The White House said Saturday it circumvented Congress to trade five terrorists for Sgt Bergdahl due to his poor health. The next day the administration said he was now in good health. With a miracle like this on record maybe Congress will stop trying to repeal Obamacare.

The White House poll numbers showed a loss of confidence in foreign policy Friday. The administration remains defiant. Susan Rice was asked to comment on this past weekend’s big anniversary and she declared that O.J. Simpson served NBC Sports with honor and distinction.

The White House made no apologies Thursday for agreeing with the Taliban to hand over five Taliban leaders in exchange for Sgt. Bergdahl. They had good reason for not consulting with Congress about the swap. It’s against U.S. government policy to negotiate with Republicans.

Attorney General Eric Holder announced he’s forming a federal task force to clamp down on what the administration considers domestic terrorists. You know what this means. If you are from Idaho, you won’t be able to get on any plane in America but if you’re from Guantanamo, you can.

— Argus Hamilton

Hillary Clinton said she wants to travel this year, and won’t make any announcements about her plans to run for president until 2015. When asked where she’ll travel, she said, “New Hampshire, Iowa, and maybe spend a few months in Florida.”

— Jimmy Fallon

In an interview with Diane Sawyer, Hillary Clinton said she would make her decision on running for president “by the end of the year.” Specifically, the year 1998.

President Obama surprised tourists by walking to a Starbucks near the White House. Even more surprising, he traded five Taliban members for a grande soy latte.

The campaign manager who helped unseat House Majority Leader Eric Cantor last night is a 23-year-old man who interviewed for a job at Panera Bread last month. Said Cantor, “Is that position still available?”

Hillary Clinton said she may not run for president because she loves having time to hang out with her friends. Thankfully, most of her friends live in Iowa, New Hampshire, Ohio, Florida, and the great state of Pennsylvania.

— Seth Meyers

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor was defeated in the primary election. He spent $5 million on his primary campaign. Ladies and gentlemen, what is wrong with this country when you can no longer buy an election?

— Letterman


A guy enters a Roman Catholic Church confessional booth in D.C.

He tells the priest, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the hell out of a Democrat.”

The priest responds, “my son, I’m here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service.”

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