Today’s Toons 5/27/14

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

President Obama “absolutely” believes that Democrats will win back the House this year. That’s great news, since this is the same guy who predicted that Obamacare would save you money.

A new poll shows that 53% of Americans are less enthusiastic about voting than in previous elections. It’s getting so bad that, in Chicago, some cemeteries are canceling get-out-the-vote rallies.

French foreign minister Laurent Fabius said “we have 500 days to avoid climate chaos”. After that, they’ll have to choose between surrender and collaborate.

A New York Times internal committee declared that “our journalistic advantage is shrinking”. Possibly a result of their journalistic integrity having done the same.

Bill Clinton defended his wife on her role in Benghazi, saying “Hillary did what she should have done.” Ambassador Stevens remains unavailable for comment.

The Justice Department filed criminal charges against five hackers in the Chinese military, accusing them of stealing American trade secrets through cyber-espionage. If the punishment is a fine, will they be allowed to pay in Treasury Bonds?

During his weekly address, President Obama vowed that, despite Congressional inaction, he would “keep doing what I can on my own”. Oh… so “bumbling from one scandal to another”?

On “The View”, Hillary Clinton said, “we’ve got to be kinder, and we have to be more compassionate and empathetic”. And if that doesn’t work, scream “what difference does it make?”

John Kerry asked, if government is wrong about Global Warming but acts anyway, “what’s the worst that can happen?” Funny how his ilk never ask that question as an excuse to EXPAND liberty.

— Fred Thompson

President Obama’s job approval rating was battered by the Benghazi probe and the IRS scandal. It’s up and down. The bad news is, Obama’s critics are starting to compare him to President Nixon, but the good news is they are no longer comparing him to President Carter.

President Obama was in New York Thursday and fended off questions about NSA spying, the IRS scandal and Benghazi. Love him or hate him, you have to admit that President Obama really is a new kind of Democrat. He’s embroiled in three scandals and none of them involve sex.

President Obama was lectured by Uruguay president Jose Mujica in front of reporters on Monday about the need for him to close Guantanamo prison. If Obama really wants to close it he should turn it into a government-financed solar company. The doors will be shut in a month.

Time magazine saluted Joe Biden by listing his top ten onstage gaffes Thursday. We love his knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. The new Joe Biden Vice Presidential Library in Delaware is four stories high, but in Joe’s honor the elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top.

President Obama opened the World Trade Center attack museum in N.Y. Thursday. The speakers were careful not to mention radical Islam or offend any groups. Twelve years ago George Bush said the terrorists hate us for our freedoms, which should be a mild dislike by now.

The Children’s Book Council handed Rush Limbaugh its Book of the Year Award for Rush Revere and his Talking Horse Liberty. The book teaches kids all about liberty and undoes nine months of public school education. School librarians put it on the shelf next to Mein Kampf.

San Diego firefighters battled wind-blown wildfires Thursday that burned up thousands of acres. The government really stepped up. After two days, Governor Jerry Brown issued an executive order raising the taxes and regulations on state wildfires and they moved to Texas.

The Pentagon’s inspector general investigated criminal neglect of U.S. veteran patients in the nation’s VA hospitals. Last week, one veteran figured out a way to get first-class medical treatment in a first class U.S. government medical facility. He joined al-Qaeda, then surrendered.

The NAACP hosted a luncheon Friday for the sixtieth anniversary of the Supreme Court’s Brown vs.Topeka Board of Education ruling ending the legal segregation of schools. It was a time when black schools and white schools began each day with a prayer and the Pledge of Allegiance to the U.S. flag. The entire ritual was a direct slap at our nation’s Hispanic heritage.

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel ended his third year in office Tuesday with no opponent to his re-election next year. The mayor enjoys taking time off to give back to the community. Just last week, Rahm Emanuel was at a local grade school, teaching profanity to poor children.

John Boehner backed off on immigration reform due to suspicions by Republicans. They don’t trust the president to enforce border control. The only thing stopping illegal aliens from crossing the U.S. border is their fear that Michelle Obama’s lunch rules apply to everybody.

The White House was reported Tuesday to be considering an executive order allowing illegal aliens to serve in the U.S. military. The idea makes sense strategically. If we ever decide to invade the United States of America, we will have experienced troops leading the first wave.

The White House vowed to withdraw all U.S. troops from Afghanistan by year’s end. That’s if they agree to leave. If given the choice between surviving Taliban attacks in the Afghan mountains and surviving VA care when they get home, they like their chances in the mountains.

President Obama explained he didn’t know about the VA hospital scandal until he heard about it from reporters Monday. That’s pretty much the pattern. President Obama doesn’t hold press conferences to make news, he holds press conferences to find out what’s in the news.

Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak tweeted that global warming alarmists are racists who mislead people for their own purposes. It got the usual L.A. reaction. Bob Barker formed a league of game show hosts who are out to revoke Pat Sajak’s Wheel of Fortune franchise for life.

Nigerian terrorist group Boko Haram vowed to sell all three hundred kidnapped schoolgirls for twelve dollars apiece Monday. No one’s suggested the U.S. simply buy the girls and then free them. President Obama is in enough trouble with blacks for doubling the Dow Jones without lowering the black jobless rate, he’ll lose all street cred if he engages in the slave trade.

Joe Biden received an invitation from a smitten high school girl in Maryland to escort her to her high school prom this Saturday. The vice president let her down gently, sending her a thank-you note and corsage. More surprising, Bill Clinton followed up with a box of chocolates.

Hillary Clinton came under increasing calls Tuesday to make public her brain scan after she fainted and hit her head on the desk and got a concussion. It took Hillary six months to recover. President Obama said that he doesn’t know if he’d let his daughters play Mrs. Clinton.

— Argus Hamilton

Thursday is the deadline for Iran to meet a series of measures to delay its nuclear program. Then Iran said, “Do you mean ‘DEADLINE deadline’ or ‘Sign up for Obamacare deadline?'”

CNN had to fire an editor after discovering that she plagiarized 50 stories. CNN said, “Can you imagine if somebody actually SAW them?”

— Jimmy Fallon


Well, I applied for a building permit for a new house from the city planning board. The plans included the primary building to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system that was going to entertain the whole neighborhood. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.

The City Council told me: “Forget it…IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN!”

So, I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a ‘Mosque’.

Work starts on Monday.

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