Today’s Toons 5/12/14

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Google is testing its self-driving cars without anyone at the wheel. Which means they’re now a good metaphor for Obama’s foreign policy.

An annual year-end kindergarten show was canceled at a New York school so the kids could prepare for “college and career”. So… they handed out student loan payment booklets & unemployment checks?

In Indiana, a small group held an anti-gun protest outside an NRA meeting. Funny how they never hold these protests outside freshly-robbed convenience stores.

Oops! During a speech at George Washington University, Joe Biden said he’d met “literally every” world leader. The confusion’s understandable. As Obama’s VP, he may not know the meaning of the word “leader”.

Asked about Benghazi, Nancy Pelosi said “why aren’t we talking about something else?” Ambassador Stevens was unavailable for comment.

Asked about the number of Obamacare enrollees who’ve paid, Jay Carney said “we don’t have hard numbers, but we dispute their numbers”. Try using THAT one at an IRS audit.

President Obama spoke about climate change with a number of national and local TV meteorologists across the country. Yes, who better to predict a 0.1 degree temperature increase in 50 years than a bunch of guys who can’t tell you if it’ll rain tomorrow.

President Obama is planning to punish Russia by using IRS rules to attack their financial transactions. Wait, I’m confused… did Russia threaten Ukraine, or call for lower government spending?

Instead of saying “global warming” or “climate change”, the latest government report uses the phrase “climate disruption”. Oh, so it’s like whispering too loudly during a golf game? “Shhh! The climate’s putting!”

— Fred Thompson

John Kerry told the Trilateral Commission Israel might become an apartheid state. This is insane. U.S. allies are at the point where they may have to just bypass the White House and spend the next two years acting in consultation with the Fox News all-stars if they are to survive.

Louisiana Congressman Vance McAlister was caught on hotel video kissing his office secretary recently. His career may not be over. Evangelicals are so exhausted by media pressure they may decide to support him because there’s documentary proof that he’s straight.

President Obama’s approval rating slid to forty-one percent in the ABC poll of Americans Tuesday. It gets even worse. According to NSA transcripts, it’s right that Donald Sterling was banned has replaced I voted for Obama as the way New Yorkers say hello to each other at lunch.

The Drug Policy Alliance fundraising group announced plans to launch a ballot measure in two years to legalize pot in California. Under the law, the police would not arrest you for smoking marijuana in public in California. Experts call it a bold move that will change nothing.

Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling was reported suffering from prostate cancer Friday on top of his public disgrace. He had a bad week. He got banned from the NBA for life for saying something really stupid, which makes everybody wonder why Joe Biden still has a job.

John Boehner will create a House Select Committee to investigate the White House cover-up of the al-Qaeda attack on the U.S. embassy in Benghazi. At the time the president knew nothing about the cover-up. He was too busy not knowing about the IRS targeting conservatives.

Monica Lewinsky wrote about her White House affair with Bill Clinton in Vanity Fair this month. It ruined Monica’s reputation but it only added to Bill’s reputation. The moment Chelsea has her baby this fall, it automatically triggers in Hollywood the sequel to Bad Grandpa.

Vladimir Putin’s wealth was analyzed by accountants Monday who estimate his personal worth around seventy-five billion dollars. The news drew cheers from the threatened Baltic states and concerns from Russia’s Army. They know how Obama feels about the one percenters.

Hillary Clinton gave a speech to the Mental Health and Addiction Conference Sunday. Her path to the White House is easy to see. If Hillary will promise to keep the same close eye on Bill that she did on Benghazi, she could sweep all fifty states on her entertainment value alone.

UCLA deans considered adding a racial diversity course as a freshman requirement for all students who attend the Westwood campus. It’s pretty much futile. Black folks and white folks have a difficult time getting along in Los Angeles because neither one of us speak Spanish.

President Obama was honored in L.A. by Steven Spielberg and his USC Shoah Foundation. The president and the moviemaker don’t agree on everything. Spielberg produces a product that people voluntarily pay for, so sometimes you can cut the tension between them with a knife.

Hillary Clinton said Tuesday the U.S. gun culture is out of hand and she ripped the notion that anyone can have a gun. This in contrast to her master politician husband Bill, who was always careful to be seen hunting. He was the bird dog, of course, but he was out there hunting.

Oregon State fired Craig Robinson as their basketball coach even though he is President Obama’s brother-in-law. It knocked nobody off message. The State Department blamed his firing on an offensive anti-Muslim video while the White House blamed it on global warming.

— Argus Hamilton

Tomorrow night, reporters and celebrities will attend the White House Correspondents Dinner. Of course, it’ll be awkward when the reporters from CNN just spend all night trying to find their table.

This weekend was the White House Correspondents Dinner. President Obama made fun of his low poll numbers, the botched Obamacare rollout, and Governor Chris Christie — while I was on the phone with Putin, negotiating a cease-fire in Ukraine.

A new report shows that President Obama has visited 45 states during his time in office. When he heard that, Biden said, “Wow, he’s been to ALL of ’em?”

— Jimmy Fallon

Michelle Obama’s brother has been fired as the basketball coach at Oregon State. Like most Americans who lost their job, he blames Obama.

— Conan


This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one.

By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest.


You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you’re caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You’re trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.


Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It’s Barack Obama! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.


You can save the life of Barack Obama or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world’s most powerful socialist men hell bent on the destruction of America.


Here’s the question, and please give an honest answer.

“Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black & white?”

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