Today’s Toons 4/21/14

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A new report shows that crime is up 30% in New York City public housing projects. It’s not as bad as it sounds. It’s mostly people oversalting their french fries.

In New York, some people are facing a marginal estate tax rate of 164%. On the bright side, the deceased will be allowed to offset some of the expense by serving as a Democrat poll worker.

A stimulus-backed electric car company that Obama once said was “building the economy of America’s future” is closing down. I guess Obama called that one right.

A New York City mail carrier has been arrested for dealing marijuana out of his truck. He was released after it was discovered that the pot was trans-fat free.

Post-scandal, the Internal Revenue Service says it’s proposing a new rule regulating the political activities of non-profit groups. Now they actually have to lose your application before they tell you they lost your application.

In a taunting gesture, a Russian fighter jet made 12 passes, and flew within 1,000 yards of an American warship in the Black Sea. In response, Obama instructed the ship to launch paper airplanes made from strongly-worded letters.

— Fred Thompson

NBC announced a contest Friday to uncover new comedy talent to try to get the network out of the ratings cellar. Last year NBC finished fourth in the TV ratings behind Univision, so they have an interesting strategy for next year. They’re going to oppose immigration reform.

President Obama spoke on the fiftieth anniversary of the Civil Rights Act Thursday at the LBJ Library in Austin and vowed to battle against racism. The administration’s made great progress. If nothing else, Joe Biden has destroyed the myth of white supremacy once and for all.

Game of Thrones returned to HBO Sunday about the battle between two medieval family dynasties who stop at nothing to regain royal power. It’s blood-curdling. You never know from one week to another which group of murderers is going to win, the Clintons or the Bushes.

The House voted to hold IRS official Lois Lerner in contempt of Congress. She e-mailed Tea Party tax data to House Democrats. The White House insists President Obama knew nothing about the IRS targeting conservatives, he was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi.>

Hillary Clinton’s publisher on Thursday announced her book about her tenure as Secretary of State. It will be released in June. She admitted last week she’s thinking about running for president, however it’d be a lot more shocking if she admitted to thinking about anything else.

Los Angeles schoolchildren were asked in a Weekly reader poll what job they would like to have when they grow up. They overwhelmingly said they want to star in their own reality series. Los Angeles is the only place in the world which thinks the NSA doesn’t watch us enough.

Hillary Clinton had to dodge a shoe thrown at her while she was speaking at a Las Vegas convention Thursday. The shoe was thrown at Hillary by a beautiful blonde sitting in the crowd. The blonde was taken outside by security where Bill Clinton wrestled her to the ground.

The Washington Post published a study on the brain saying that the Internet is changing the human brain because people no longer read in a linear way. It’s a sign of the times. The study says that Americans spend five hours online every day, and that’s just applying for Obamacare.

President Obama signed an executive order to encourage salary equality for women last week. The administration can always point out that among twelve percent of Americans, men and women each receive the exact same pay. That’s the beauty of unemployment benefits.

President Obama spoke at Al Sharpton’s National Alliance Network in New York Friday and joked about the mystery over his birth certificate. It’s no joke to many. President Obama’s approval ratings are so low that people in Kenya are claiming he was born in the United States.

The White House revealed President Obama’s income tax return on Monday which show the president’s income fell twenty-one percent last year, the third year in a row he’s made less money than the year before. You can’t make it up. Even Obama is doing lousy under Obama.

Vladimir Putin appeared ready to roll into Eastern Ukraine Monday. The U.S. has no say in the matter. It was seen by Russia as a sign of weakness when President Obama responded to the invasion of Crimea by invading Nevada and naming a French guy to replace Letterman.

Joe Biden will fly to Kiev next week to help calm down the tensions between Russia and Ukraine. His diplomatic skills are legendary. Last month Joe was sent to calm things down in South Korea and it’s the first time people from South Korea tried to sneak into North Korea.

IRS chief John Koskinen hedged on enforcing a new rule that regulates Tea Party groups who seek tax-exempt status. The rule could backfire. If Republicans really want to get rid of Obamacare they should endorse it as a conservative nonprofit and allow the IRS to take it down.

Kathleen Sebelius resigned as Health Secreatry Tuesday after she oversaw the disastrous Obamacare rollout. The administration wanted her to quit thinking she’d be blamed by the voters this fall. It explains why getting thrown under the bus is now covered by Obamacare.

Jeb Bush set off debate in the GOP over illegal immigration Sunday after he called border crossing an act of love. The polls show our views on illegal immigration are changing. Last week, when asked if they supported a pathway to citizenship, forty percent of Americans said si.

President Obama called Russian president Vladimir Putin Tuesday in an effort to prevent further escalation of U.S.-Russian tensions over Ukraine. There’s one ray of hope for peace. China just ordered North Korea not to attack the United States until they get their money back.

White House former Health Secretary Kathleen Sebelius was reported planning to run for U.S. Senate this fall. She just resigned after managing the Obamacare rollout. She promised supporters to have her Senate campaign website up and running two months after the election.

— Argus Hamilton

After handling the bumpy rollout of the Obamacare site, Kathleen Sebelius announced today that she is resigning. Which explains why being thrown under a bus is now covered by Obamacare.

— Jimmy Fallon

Chelsea Clinton is pregnant. There is another one coming. A little baby Clinton. People are already wondering, is the baby a girl? Is it a boy? Is it going to run for president in 2016?

— Craig Ferguson

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