Today’s Toons 3/17/14

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters A & P:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

At a speech in Connecticut, President Obama advised attendees “bend your knees so you don’t faint”. Also, don’t look at the bill for your first Obamacare premium.

President Obama plans to expand military cooperation with Poland to show “support” for its allies after Russia’s intervention in Ukraine. In response, Poland plans to expand its stockpile of Polish-Russian dictionaries.

The Economist Intelligence Unit’s 2014 Worldwide Cost of Living survey ranked Singapore as the world’s most expensive city to live in. Note to Bill de Blasio – that was NOT a challenge.

Former UN Ambassador John Bolton said “our biggest national security problem is Barack Obama”. Not true. Every weekend he makes sure a vital national golf course gets Secret Service protection.

Senate Democrats held an all-night “talkathon” about global warming on the Senate floor. When it was done, they climbed into the idling limos that were waiting outside to take them home.

Democrat Senator Dianne Feinstein took to the Senate floor to angrily accuse the CIA of spying on Congress. Yes, why should the CIA know what Congress is doing when Congress doesn’t?

During a speech in DC, President Obama bragged that the healthcare law was “working the way it should”. As opposed to the people living under it, who are working part-time.

A government audit of Michelle Obama’s school lunch guidelines shows that they’re so expensive or unpalatable that more than 1 million students have stopped buying lunch. Just waiting for her to spin that as a “victory in the fight against childhood obesity”.

A new report shows that the US electric grid is “inherently vulnerable” to widespread sabotage. Mostly from politicians shutting down the coal-fired plants that power it.

Federal officials are proposing sweeping new requirements for American health care facilities to ensure their readiness to care for patients during disasters. Oh… like that one they passed in 2010?

— Fred Thompson

The White House changed Obamacare again Tuesday to exempt current health care plan holders for three more years. ObamaCare was passed by Congress intending to provide health care for every American. After thirty-eight changes since it became law, it is now a dam in Idaho.

The Treasury Department reported that the national debt officially hit seventeen trillion dollars Friday only three weeks after Congress passed the debt extension bill. The U.S. debt amount is astronomical. America hasn’t been attacked by this many zeroes since Pearl Harbor.

John Kerry faced off with Russia’s foreign minister over the Ukraine crisis Tuesday. He’s fought in a war, opposed that war, threw his war medals over the White House fence and then ran for president as a war hero. John Kerry fought in Vietnam for your right to be strange.

President Obama returned from golfing in Florida Monday to welcome NCAA champions to the White House. He’s a real sportsman. Obama agreed to meet today with Ukraine’s prime minister after his staff told him that he won the hundred-yard dash on his way out of the capital.

President Obama did a Funny or Die mock interview with Zack Galifianakis Tuesday to lure nineteen thousand Millenials to the Obamacare website. He has to hustle to get enough young people enrolled. Tonight, he’s flying to Atlanta to egg houses with Justin Bieber.

President Obama’s approval rating fell to thirty-eight percent in a Fox News poll Monday while Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s approval rating rose to fifty-two percent. It’s just insane. Barack Obama can’t believe he’d have been better off smoking crack than passing Obamacare.

True Detective’s season finale starring Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson on HBO was its most-watched show ever. So many people tried to watch online that HBO’s web site crashed. President Obama scheduled network time the next day and apologized out of habit.

President Obama this week agreed to appear on an online comedy show hosted by Zack Galifianakis which is called Between Two Ferns. Celebrities love to get together to use each other. President Obama was there to plug his online comedy show which is called Obamacare.

President Obama told a Latino crowd that to pay for Obamacare they should cancel their cable TV and cell phones. That’s insane. For crying out loud, when Paula Deen talked to the help that way she got canceled and her supporters went on a hunger strike that lasted ten minutes.

— Argus Hamilton

The Conservative Political Action Conference is still going on down in Washington, D.C. And yesterday, Donald Trump was giving a speech, when he accidentally referred to former President Jimmy Carter — who’s still very much alive — as “the late, great Jimmy Carter.” Trump immediately apologized, and then said, “He wasn’t THAT great.”

Thirty Democratic senators held an all-night “talkathon” on the floor of the Senate last night to highlight the impacts of climate change. Yeah, 14 hours of climate change talk — or as Al Gore calls that, “a first date.”

— Jimmy Fallon

President Obama today appeared on the Zach Galifianakis online comedy show “Between 2 Ferns.” The president was there to talk about HIS online comedy show — Obamacare.

— Seth Meyers

President Obama’s wife Michelle has highlighted her hair. She has blond highlights in her hair. And those will probably be the only highlights of his second term.

Yesterday Washington had a big power outage. And I thought: Well, wait a minute, I think the Obama administration has been without power the entire second term.

— Letterman

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