This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & P:
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
Saturday Night Live Producer Lorne Michaels said that Republicans are “easier” to make fun of than Democrats. Less likely to order you audited, too.
During an interview with Bill O’Reilly, President Obama dismissed talk of an IRS scandal, saying there’s “not even a smidgen of corruption”. I can only assume “Smidgen” is a mountain in the Himalayas.
Citing the need to boost employee morale, the Internal Revenue Service’s new commissioner said that he will pay out millions of dollars in bonuses to agency employees. So take some comfort in knowing that, although they were targeting Obama’s political opponents, at least they were really bummed out about it.
The NAACP sent out a flyer to a participants in an anti-voter-ID march telling them to be sure to bring a photo ID. Kinda like going to a BYOB AA meeting.
A liberal organization is holding a “speed-date night” to raise money to help Americans sign up for Obamacare. My guess: there’ll be a “glitch” and you’ll get stuck with the same person for hours.
President Obama was overheard joking to the visiting French president, “that’s the good thing about being President, I can do whatever I want.” Except, apparently, recognize a hot mic.
In Australia, a man disguised a pig as a baby and snuck it into a cricket match. In America, they’d just slap some lipstick on it and call it Obamacare.
A CBO report describes Obamacare as creating “a disincentive for people to work”. Since the law itself doesn’t work, I guess we can call it “leading by example”.
A new report shows that an alarming number of airline pilots have attempted to land at the wrong airport. And now you know where Obamacare Navigators come from.
— Fred Thompson
Hollywood actor Tom Sizemore says he was high on drugs when he recorded a tape saying Bill Clinton had a year-long affair with Elizabeth Hurley in the White House. He said it’s not true. It came as a huge relief to Bill Clinton, who for a second thought he was losing his memory.
The Congressional Budget Office reported Obamacare will cost two million people their jobs. In addition, young people aren’t signing up, premiums are soaring and the website’s backed up with mistakes. We won’t know until they find the black box exactly what went wrong.
President Obama offered to stay away from Democratic campaigns this fall due to voter anger over Obamacare. There is a way out. If the White House wants to get rid of Obamcare, they should just declare it a conservative political fundraising group and let the IRS take it out.
CBS News reporter Leslie Stahl editorialized Friday that when Obamacare reduces people to working less than thirty hours a week, it will help to bring families closer together. It’s certainly true. Studio apartments don’t give families any choice but to grow closer together.
The Labor Department reported only one hundred thousand new jobs were created in January. The administration is undaunted. President Obama declared that from now on the percentage of unemployed Americans will be known as the liberation from work rate.
President Obama dodged a question Friday about the Senate report saying the Benghazi attack was preventable. The aftermath is still foggy. President Obama now freely admits the Benghazi attack was not caused by an anti-Muslim video, it was caused by Fox News coverage.
Speaker John Boehner pulled the plug on Immigration Reform, saying President Obama can’t be trusted to seal the U.S. border if agreed. The detainees are piling up. Thousands of illegal aliens are being detained in Arizona, and all they want is to return home to Los Angeles.
North Korea canceled its invite to allow a U.S. envoy to come visit with Kim Jung Un. There is bruised pride involved. Kim is furious ever since his envoy came back from Mandela’s funeral and reported to him that Dennis Rodman and President Obama are two different people.
Hillary Clinton’s reaction to Monica Lewinsky’s affair with Bill was revealed in a friend’s papers Monday. She didn’t think what they did was sex. So Bill wasn’t lying when he wagged his finger and said he did not have sex with that woman, he was acting on advice from his wife.
Hillary Clinton was quoted in private papers released Monday saying that what Bill and Monica did wasn’t really sex. What welcome news. Everyone’s so sick of debating Obamacare that Americans are overjoyed to be going back and discussing what is and isn’t sex with the Clintons.
President Obama was asked by a French reporter Tuesday if the U.S. is as close to France as to Britain. He’s evacuated Iraq, avoided Libya, ducked Syria, appeased Iran and he’s pulling out of Afghanistan. If we were any closer to France they could sue us for trademark infringement.
Bill Clinton was awarded Redbook magazine’s Red Dress Award in honor of his efforts to combat obesity at his foundation. He’s a great believer in personal fitness in the workplace. Every intern who wants to work for Bill Clinton must have passed two courses in glass blowing.
— Argus Hamilton