Today’s Toons 2/3/14

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In his New Yorker interview, President Obama said that marijuana is no worse than cigarettes or alcohol, despite the Office of National Drug Control Policy’s official stance to the contrary. Has Obama EVER met a war effort he couldn’t undermine?

Scientists are developing computer chips that could be put in food packaging to alert you when the contents go bad. Maybe we should use them to enforce term limits in government.

Scientists in the UK have created the fastest ever internet connection, capable of downloading 44 high-definition films in a single second. And when you finish watching them all, you’ll STILL be waiting for to load.

Governor Chris Christie has been accused of shutting down the DMV office in a large New Jersey city as revenge against local Democrats. Oddly, no one complained of any slowdown in service.

During an interview with People Magazine, Michelle Obama listed Jane Fonda as one of her role models, calling her “politically savvy”. 58,000 Vietnam KIA could not be reached for comment.

A new poll shows that only 13% of Americans think the government should do something about income inequality. Now, now… the government’s already doing its best to make everyone equal… equally poor.

The State Department is telling American athletes competing in the upcoming Sochi Winter Olympics to avoid wearing team gear outside the games’ venues. Why all the concern from State? What difference, at this point, does it make?

The UN Assistant Secretary-General for Human Rights is considering whether the Washington Redskins name is racially insensitive and should be changed. Next maybe they’ll take up whether UN members murdering their own people is insensitive and needs changing.

Researchers are developing drones that surround a target in “swarms”, sharing information and acting as one. Ah… sort of a flying version of the White House press corps.

— Fred Thompson

The USOC released photos of the U.S. Winter Olympics uniforms Monday. The slacks are white and the jackets are red, white and blue, adorned with stars and eagles. President Obama’s had a bad enough year and now he has to spend two weeks rooting for the College Republicans.

President Obama will give his State of the Union address to a joint session of Congress tonight. The wind is strongly at his back. In his first term, Congress gave him a standing ovation for killing bin Laden, and he can expect no less tonight after capturing Justin Bieber.

President Obama proclaimed a Year of Action in his State of the Union speech Tuesday to Congress. He had just received some unexpectedly welcome polling news. It turns out so few people have signed up for Obamacare that not that many people are angry about it.

President Obama implored the GOP Congress to work with him and pass his agenda. It was ever thus. He ended his speech by predicting a new era of bi-partisan cooperation in Washington D.C., which follows the first rule of show business, always leave them laughing.

GOP Senator Rand Paul chided Democrats Sunday for honoring Bill Clinton, whom Paul accused of preying on Monica Lewinsky. The remark could backfire on Republicans. It only served to remind comedians of how easy we’ll have it if Hillary gets elected president.

President Obama’s State of the Union to Congress was received about as expected on Tuesday. It was cheered in Blue States and disregarded in Red States. The sixty minutes was the longest any live event has gone in the last two years without a gay wedding ceremony.

President Obama told Congress he will sign an executive order that raises the minimum wage to ten dollars an hour. It’s of no consequence. The pay hike only applies to workers on future federal construction projects, like the border wall with Mexico’s ever going to get built.

Intelligence chief Jim Clapper said al-Qaeda is as dangerous as ten years ago. He said they have five franchises in the Mideast and North Africa. When President Obama said al-Qaeda is on the run he meant they’re so hot they’re selling franchises like they’re McDonald’s.

President Obama hit the road Tuesday to promote the agenda he laid out in his State of the Union speech. The speech allowed Americans to figure out something that’s been on our minds for five years. John Boehner’s tan comes from the radiation off Joe Biden’s teeth.

— Argus Hamilton

Tomorrow night, President Obama will deliver his State of the Union address. Aides say he won’t mention the war on drugs because he’s still not sure which side he’s on.

Earlier tonight President Obama gave his State of the Union address. Or, as Fox News called it, “Lame Duck Dynasty.”

This was a very important speech for the president tonight and he gave it at a time when he’s losing support from his own party. In fact, congressional Democrats were warned tonight that if they didn’t applaud the president’s speech, he would go out and campaign for them.

As you know, President Obama gave his State of the Union address last night. Obama says he wants to give “America a raise.” He’s just waiting, of course, for final approval from China. As soon as they say it’s OK, then we’ll move ahead.

This week in New Orleans, Hillary Clinton said she still doesn’t know if she’s running for president in 2016. Isn’t that unbelievable? With 315 million Americans, what are the odds she’s the only one in the country who doesn’t know she’s running for president in 2016?

— Leno

Once again, President Obama will grant an interview to a journalist from the network broadcasting the Super Bowl. The game is on Fox this year, so Bill O’Reilly will do the interview. I’m taking O’Reilly with the points.

— Jimmy Kimmel

You see president’s State of the Union address earlier tonight? Oh man, it’s the last pointless event until the Super Bowl.

— Letterman

During a speech yesterday, Hillary Clinton said she still doesn’t know if she’s running for president in 2016. You know, just like I still “don’t know” if I’ll have a beer on St. Patrick’s Day.

Last night of course was the State of the Union address, and during his speech, President Obama promised to focus on economic growth, education, and healthcare. Or as people tuning in put it, “Oh, it’s a rerun.”

— Jimmy Fallon

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