This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & P:
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
New research by Daniel Borota of the Johns Hopkins University suggests that caffeine may help to boost long-term memory. Can we get a round of double-espressos for the witnesses at the IRS/Tea Party hearings?
A Connecticut man faces numerous drug charges after police say he posted a YouTube video of himself giving a tour of what he calls his marijuana garden. Gotta be careful with those videos. He could’ve kicked off rioting in the Middle East.
During the first cold-weather Super Bowl, Fox Sports will use an infrared camera that will show how players’ body temperatures change throughout the game. And MSNBC will have a simulcast, blaming the changes on global warming.
A new book by feline-researcher Dr. John Bradshaw says that cats think of humans “as though they were the mama cat”. Ah… sorta the same way liberals see government.
NASA is investigating the possibility of using robots to create 3-D-printed buildings on the moon. Great idea. Maybe the Chinese astronauts will buy them from us.
Google is accused of using sensitive personal information in violation of privacy law in Canada. That would never fly in America. That’s the IRS’s job.
In Pennsylvania, a couple is advertising their house for sale as “slightly haunted”. Ghosts must’ve cut back to 30 hours a week to avoid the Obamacare mandate.
— Fred Thompson
Michelle Obama told a college cost summit she felt out of place when she first attended at Princeton until she hung out at the campus Third World Center and student union. Now it’s all clear. That explains why her classmates voted her Most Likely to Marry a Kenyan.
The White House got bad news that Millennials are not signing up for Obamacare. They are covered by their parents’ plan under Obamacare, they’re never sick and don’t need health insurance, and they have no jobs to pay the premiums, so now all premiums will rise. Obamacare’s the first government idea in forty years that makes Vietnam look well thought-out.
President Obama addressed a secret meeting of NSA officials Friday about foreign and domestic spying. He told them after talking it over with advisors, he’s decided to place limits on the NSA’s telephone surveillance program. The NSA officials said they already knew.
President Obama stated Friday he will name a Privacy Czar to protect Americans from unwanted government surveillance. That’s terrific. If the Privacy Czar works as well as the Drug Czar has, naked pictures of you will soon be in the phone book next to your number.
President Obama blamed his low approval ratings on Americans who don’t like having a black president. There is a silver lining. Mr. Obama’s approval ratings have fallen so far and so fast in the last three months, he’s the early favorite to win the Men’s Downhill at Sochi.
President Obama told the New Yorker he doesn’t think smoking pot is as dangerous as alcohol. What’s happened to America? A dozen people were arrested at the Denver Broncos stadium Sunday for pretending to smoke a joint when they were actually sneaking a cigarette.
Governor Chris Christie is accused of withholding hurricane relief money as a political payback. He’s gone crazy with power. In addition to the bridge scandal and the hurricane relief scandal, the word is that several months ago, Governor Christie had his uncle executed.
The White House announced the news Tuesday that President Obama will fly to Rome for a personal audience with Pope Francis in two months. Everybody agrees the time is right. Pope Francis has been pope for almost a year, it’s about time he got to meet the Savior.
President Obama defended the NSA data collection program he campaigned against six years ago. His supporters feel betrayed. When Obama promised the American people complete and total transparency, nobody thought he was talking about collecting our X-rays.
President Obama proposed privacy safeguards against the NSA program that collects phone data from Americans Friday. It’s all good. NSA agents do not use the data it collects against the president’s political opponents, that’s the IRS’s job and they’re in a different union.
Baghdad reports that al-Qaeda forces captured the city of Ramadi after taking Fallujah last week and kept advancing. For two years, the Obama administration has insisted that al-Qaeda’s on the run, and they are. Every ten seconds they’re a hundred yards closer to Sochi.
— Argus Hamilton
President Obama is getting serious about this NSA spying scandal. He told the nation that the NSA will not be used “for the purpose of suppressing or burdening criticism or dissent.” You see, that’s what the IRS is for. That’s their job.
This week in his inaugural address, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie spoke of wanting to bring the people of New Jersey together. He wanted to bring them together by having them all try to merge into one lane.
Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis says Governor Chris Christie canceled a position for him when he did something Christie didn’t like. When asked what he did, Lewis said “a sit-up.”
So he wouldn’t let his son play football — this pretend son that he has. It’s like Jimmy Stewart with the pretend rabbit. Well let me tell you something Mr. President — I wouldn’t let my son be an ambassador under you. I’d much rather that he played football.
— Mark Levin