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In Case You Missed It Dept.:
A global poll selected the United States as the country that’s the greatest threat to world peace. If Obama makes us any weaker, they’ll be right.
NBC’s chief medical editor Dr. Nancy Snyderman, proudly declared that she had forced her own kids to sign up for Obamacare as their “patriotic duty.” Remember back when patriotism meant protecting people’s right not to be forced?
Flashback – November 2013: Obama signed an executive order on climate change because of “excessively high temperatures”. Any chance he could repeal that one before we all freeze to death?
In Chicago on Monday, the temperature was actually 5 degrees colder than it was at the South Pole. What happened? Did they hold an honest election?
As of January 1st, new laws in Oregon crack down on cigarettes, but relax on marijuana. I guess second-hand smoke doesn’t count if you’re too stoned to count to 2.
After a huge blizzard, HHS pushed Obamacare by posting a picture of a snow-covered car and the tag “GetCovered”. Should’ve used a snow-covered house, since your premium will be higher than your mortgage.
When asked by a Senator if they spied on Congress, the NSA said Congress has “the same privacy protections as all US persons.” And also chastised the Senator for not making his bed that morning.
— Fred Thompson
The Weather Channel reported record low temperatures in the United States Sunday from Minnesota all the way down south to the Gulf Coast. Many of America’s interior waterways were frozen solid. It’s so cold in Tennessee that Al Gore is sticking to his theory.
O.J. Simpson sent a public request to the White House Friday asking President Obama to include him on his annual pardon list. It’s a miracle. Last week at church, President Obama asked the Lord to show him a way to get everyone to stop talking about Obamacare.
President Obama flew back to Washington Saturday but his wife Michelle remained behind in Hawaii. The White House said it’s part of her birthday present. You can tell that a marriage needs a little refreshing when time apart is considered a birthday present.
— Argus Hamilton
MSNBC anchor Melissa Harris-Perry has apologized for making fun of one of Mitt Romney’s grandchildren. She said that from now on before she goes on the air she’ll remind herself that some people may actually be watching MSNBC.
According to a new international survey, among Catholics Pope Francis has an approval rating of 88 percent. That is unless he comes out with FrancisCare. Then the whole thing could plummet.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie doesn’t know yet if he’s running for president in 2016. I guess he’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it.
Pundits are saying this could hurt his 2016 presidential campaign. The ironic thing is this: Now that Christie is denying everything he sounds even more presidential, doesn’t he?
In the new movie “The Wolf of Wall Street,” they say the F-word was used a record 506 times. Thus breaking the old record of 505 times set by President Obama when he heard about Robert Gates’ new book.
It’s warming up a little bit here in the northeast. The polar vortex has departed. It was supposed to leave Monday night but it got stuck on the George Washington Bridge.
Mayor de Blasio says he wants to get rid of horse-drawn carriages in Central Park, saying they are inhumane. Meanwhile, thousands of unemployed New Yorkers are saying, “I’ll pull the carriages. How much an hour?”
Today President Obama invited unemployed Americans to the White House for a discussion about income inequality. Because if there’s one way to show sympathy for the unemployed, it’s to invite them to a giant white mansion that you get to live in for free.
— Jimmy Fallon