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On ABC, Howard Dean said that Obamacare is “driving the fly-by-night insurance companies out of the market.” Unfortunately, there won’t be many “stay-all-day” ones left, either.
In yet another Obamacare bungle, New York’s Health Department has mistakenly listed numerous non-health-related business as enrollment sites — including a Brooklyn cupcake shop. Apparently a lot of folks were confused when asked if they wanted sprinkles with their policy.
Google Inc. and other technology companies are contributing dozens of computer engineers and programmers to help the Obama administration fix HealthCare.gov So, king’s horses & men, how’s Mr. Dumpty doing?
CBS News reports that early tests of the Obamacare website in September were all unsuccessful. Ah… I see they operate under the Wile. E. Coyote school of project management.
The Mayor of Toronto admitted that he smoked crack, but said it was while he was in a drunken stupor. Finally – a plausible excuse Obama could try for his decision to rollout Obamacare.
A new poll shows that more people believe in Bigfoot than believe the Obamacare rollout has gone well. Well, there HAVE been more Bigfoot sightings than successful enrollees.
The White House described the rash of insurance policies cancellations as “normal turnover in the insurance market”. Sure… “he didn’t get pushed down the stairs, that’s just normal turnover”.
In California, a highway had to be shut down after 2,000 used hypodermic needles spilled onto the road. Motorists reported being confused, saying they thought it was just a new Obamacare clinic opening.
A new report shows that America will have a shortage of 52,000 doctors by 2025. The good news is they expect no shortage of bureaucrats telling the remaining doctors how to run their practices.
— Fred Thompson
The White House ruled all health care plans must equal ObamaCare coverage. These cover men for pap smears and women for prostate exams. It took five years, a Supreme Court decision and a U.S. government shutdown but Chas Bono is finally covered either way.
House Republicans took turns blasting away at Kathleen Sibelius over the ObamaCare rollout fiasco Wednesday. They should relax. If Republicans really want to get rid of Obamacare they should endorse it as a conservative non-profit and let the IRS take it down.
NSA former monitor Ed Sbowden released evidence that the NSA monitored German, Spanish, Mexican and Brazilian leaders. Some people have a lot of nerve. The U.S. government indicted Ed Snowden for spying and stealing the data we stole through spying.
The Washington D.C. City Council ordered the police to set up prostitution-free zones in ten city blocks during major U.S. government events and protest rallies. You can’t make it up. Washington is so corrupt we just rope off areas where people actually follow the law.
The U.S. said four million Americans went on the ObamaCare website on the first day and six people bought policies. That’s six sales in four million sales pitches to the private sector. Jehovah’s Witnesses just sent a telegram to Uncle Sam saying welcome to our world.
The White House insisted Friday President Obama didn’t know about the health care website mess or the NSA spying on allies. He also didn’t know about Benghazi or the IRS targeting the Tea Party. It just proves the truth in the saying that ignorance is re-election.
The White House admitted Thursday that ObamaCare will be more expensive than it was originally projected. Also, patients won’t be given much time for their medical examination. If you want a second opinion, the doctor goes out the door and comes in again.
The NSA chief told Congress Thursday that NSA wiretaps are done only on terrorist suspects. That’s true to a point. If you call the NSA, the telephone recording tells you to press one to listen to the French leaders, press two to listen to Germany’s leaders, and if you have any dirt on the Republicans, please hold and the president will be right with you.
President Obama was ripped for claiming ObamaCare would let you keep the health plan you’ve got. Early today he said to read his lips, no new taxes and he did not have sex with that woman. Like all great performers, he warms up in the shower every morning.
Lindsay Graham vowed to hold Obama’s nominees if the victims of al-Qaeda’s attack in Benghazi aren’t allowed to testify. The jihaddists overran the U.S. consulate and they overran the annex. It does support Barack Obama’s claim that he’s got al-Qaeda on the run.
The Pentagon cleaned up a security breach involving President Obama’s command over national defense. It’s vital. Everywhere the president goes, he is followed by a U.S. general who carries a briefcase containing the codes to the latest ObamaCare explanation.
Kathleen Sebelius said ObamaCare may employ felons as website navigators. They’ll make great life coaches. You apply as a slim, healthy adult with normal blood pressure and if the Canadian system is any guide, you end up fat, coked up and the Mayor of Toronto.
President Obama apologized in a NBC interview for lying to Americans about ObamaCare. His antenna is good. To improve his poll numbers he lit up a bowl of crack and defended Richie Incognito’s right to use the N-word on a Miami teammate who’d gone soft.
— Argus Hamilton
Six kids showed up for Halloween with no costumes at all, just dressed like ordinary people. They said, “We’re the six people who signed up for Obamacare on the first day.”
According to CBS News, only six people enrolled in Obamacare on the first day of the rollout. Six! That means more people have walked on the moon than have signed up for Obamacare.
This is my favorite part. Hand to God, this is the absolute truth. The White House said that the number six is not official. Really, aren’t they better off saying nothing? Not official? What, if we wait it could go as high as seven?
Did you all turn your clocks back an hour over the weekend? It is easy to remember “spring ahead, fall back.” It’s like trying to log on to Obamacare. You spring ahead, make a little progress, then you fall back.
According to CBS news, on the first day of open enrollment for Obamacare, only six people signed up. Today they released their names: They are Sneezy, Sleepy, Happy, Bashful, Grumpy, and Doc. That’s according to the creator of the website: Dopey.
NSA leaker Edward Snowden got a new job in Moscow. Not only that, but he was also able to sign up for “PutinCare.”
I was thinking about Thanksgiving and I realized who we should put in charge of the Obamacare website — the Butterball hotline people. Have you ever called them? They always pick up. They’re friendly. They have all of the information you need. And they’re used to dealing with big turkeys.
According to CNN, they’re now developing a new spy plane that can travel six times the speed of sound and can launch missiles. They said it could really help us with our spying. In fact, this plane is so good President Obama is already denying knowing anything about it.
In New York they elected a new mayor. He is Bill de Blasio, the first Democrat mayor in 20 years. Now 20 years ago Times Square was filled with strip clubs and porno theaters. So I’m counting on the new mayor to restore it to its former glory.
– Craig Ferguson
One year ago today President Obama won re-election. And it’s been smooth sailing ever since.
The new mayor of New York City is a progressive Democrat with an African-American wife who used to be a lesbian. Or as Fox News reported, the apocalypse is upon us.
The new mayor is married to a woman who used to be a lesbian. His campaign slogan: “If I turned her around, imagine what I can do for New York City!”