Today’s Toons 10/21/13

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Dr. Ben Carson told The Washington Times that he was targeted for an IRS audit just months after he gave an unflattering speech about Obama at the National Prayer Breakfast. Probably just a coincidence. Like when you drop something and it falls to the floor.

After 30 years, an Arizona man has finally been cured of his lifelong susceptibility to crying seizures. Uh oh… wait until he tries to sign up for Obamacare.

The military is developing drones with the ability to make lethal attack decisions without human input. Just hope they don’t hire the same company for this project that did the Obamacare sign-up websites.

Despite the “you’ll be able to keep your doctor” promise, a Maryland Obamacare website search returned “no doctors are found”. Well, Obama never said you’d be able to FIND your doctor.

The Governor of Illinois issued an administrative order that bans asking applicants to state jobs if they have a prior felony conviction. There’s a big loophole, though. You can still ask if they’ve ever held elective office in Illinois.

An Illinois man wrote his Congressman to say that, thanks to Obamacare, “my premium is now higher than my mortgage”. Can’t wait until Obama fixes the problems by making home ownership mandatory.

After criticizing President Obama on Twitter, actor James Woods tweeted “I don’t expect to work again.” James, this is America. A lot of people who HAVEN’T criticized Obama don’t expect to work again.

A new study shows that the nearly-inoperable website cost over $500 million to put in place. Outrageous! For that much money, we should’ve at least gotten a bankrupt solar company.

— Fred Thompson

President Obama received his lowest approval rating Tuesday while Congress hit its lowest rating ever. It’s the shutdown. It took two-hundred-forty years, but Americans are just starting to realize that we had it better when we were ruled by a mad English king.

Congress ended the two-week shutdown and debt crisis Wednesday after both sides agreed to nothing. It’s insane. Congress is just like two blondes walking on the street who see a banana peel on the sidewalk thirty feet ahead of them and say, here we go again.

San Diego ex-mayor Bob Filner pleaded guilty in court Wednesday to felony charges involving sexual harassment. The judge placed him under house arrest and ordered Filner to enroll in a twelve-step program. He must stay twelve steps away from all women.

Washington D.C. residents were interviewed about the government shutdown on TV and the vast majority blamed it on George W. Bush. He’s a local hero. At St. John’s they replaced Judas in the Passion Play with George W. Bush to give the character more punch.

Proponents of Immigration Reform point out that illegal aliens will do the jobs Americans refuse to do, jobs like running the US government.

Webster’s dictionary defines an Independent as a Republican who’s in show business.

Muslim clerics in Saudi Arabia issued an edict against human rights groups opposing Saudi laws requiring women to remain covered up in public. Saudis don’t think at all like Westerners. In California, for instance, we expose our women and cover up our oil.

— Argus Hamilton

Because of the government shutdown, the White House is under attack — by squirrels. They’ve invaded the White House garden because the gardeners were laid off. Michelle Obama planted a garden to show how easy it is to grow your own food. All you need is water, sunlight, and 50 full-time federal employees.

– Craig Ferguson

It’s day 15 of the government shutdown. President Obama said he was hopeful an agreement would be reached tonight. Part of the problem is that Republicans can’t even agree among themselves on what they want. Which means Obama doesn’t know what to tell them they can’t have.

Anthony Wiener is back in the news. He said an interesting thing. He said if the Internet didn’t exist he would probably be mayor of New York. Yeah, and I would be flying right now if gravity didn’t exist.

Before the Internet Anthony Wiener would have been a regular guy in a trench coat hiding behind a tree.

– Jimmy Kimmel

We seem to be getting along just fine without a government during the shutdown. I just pray that when the shutdown is over, all nonessential employees — about 800,000 of them — will be back at their nonessential jobs.

President Obama’s approval rating is down to 37 percent. Time to kill bin Laden again.

How many of you are only here because you had trouble signing up for Obamacare?

– Letterman

In a speech today President Obama called for a new era of bipartisan cooperation. He said this because Obama likes to start off a speech with a joke.

– Conan

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