Today’s Toons 10/7/13

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The IRS cited the shutdown as the reason for not turning over documents to members of Congress who are investigating the agency’s targeting of Tea Party groups. Apparently stonewalling is still considered a vital government function.

WWII veterans were told they would be turned away if they tried visiting the WWII memorial while it was shut down. Yeah, a beach full of Germans thought the same thing once.

New documents show the IRS training manual on tax exempt groups used an example Democrat candidate named “Nancy Nice”. Who says bureaucrats don’t have a sense of humor?

A new report shows the Democratic National Committee is almost completely broke from spending in the last election. I see they’ve finally found a way to show us what Democrats can do for America.

— Fred Thompson

The Postal Service is asking Congress for a three cent raise in the price of a first class stamp to forty-nine cents. We’ll pay it gladly. Last year the Postal Service lost one billion dollars, making it the most profitable branch of the United States government by far.

The Washington Post reports the NSA has been using its spy satellites to monitor the telephone calls and the e-mails of the people in Mexico. How greedy is that? It’s not enough to spy on American citizens, they feel they have to spy on future American citizens.

President Obama traveled to suburban Maryland Thursday to give a speech pitching the benefits of ObamaCare to a cheering university crowd. The president has much in common with today’s college kids. They’re both in their fifth year and hopelessly in debt.

Michelle Obama rolled out her new musical exercise program as part of her Healthy Eating Initiative for middle schools. She hopes to fight obesity through hip-hop. Everybody hopes it works better than her previous initiative, fighting marijuana through reggae.

The U.S. faced a government shutdown over Congress’ refusal to fund ObamaCare and the president’s refusal to negotiate. It left Americans asking three questions. Who will inspect the chickens, who will direct air traffic, and who will put us sixteen trillion in debt?

The U.S. Senate held hearings Thursday on ways to curtail the NSA. They’re really out of hand. Last week in a restaurant a little boy told President Obama that his daddy told him that the NSA spies on their family online, and Obama told the boy that’s not his daddy.

President Obama talked on the phone with Iran president Hassan Rouhani Friday. It was the first time that a U.S. and Iranian leader had spoken since Jimmy Carter met with the Shah of Iran in 1978. That’s when Jimmy Carter told the Shah he was welcome to fly to the U.S. and get medical treatment in a New York hospital, what could possibly go wrong?

President Obama placed a call to the president of Iran in Teheran on Sunday to start talks on Iran’s nuclear program. It’s the first of many. President Obama warned Iran not to take it as a sign of American weakness but any call from Tuesday on might be collect.

The White House and Congress careened toward a government shutdown Monday at midnight. U.S. officeholders may have to to live on pizzas delivered by interns. During the last government shut down, Monica Lewinsky got so fat she could barely fit under the desk.

President Obama stood his ground Saturday and told reporters he will not negotiate with Congress over the budget resolution. He then left the White House to play a round of golf. When he added up his score at the end of the round, he was sixteen trillion over par.

President Obama refused to negotiate with Congress Monday over the debt ceiling or the continuing budget resolution or any changes in Obamacare. Just last week, he was snubbed by the Syrians, the Iranians and the Russians. Every time the world refuses to negotiate with Americans, the president retaliates by refusing to negotiate with Americans.

President Obama declared ObamaCare the law of the land in a speech Tuesday. Civil disobedience is widespread. Many Americans would rather go to jail than enroll in ObamaCare now that O.J. Simpson has taught us that cookies are free in the prison cafeteria.

Hillary Clinton’s mini-series was axed by NBC Monday the same day CNN cancelled its documentary on her. She doesn’t want the scrutiny. Hillary needs to play it close to the vest if she’s ever going to realize the Clinton dream of being a two-impeachment family.

— Argus Hamilton

This whole government shutdown thing comes down to who will blink first. Well, we know it won’t be Nancy Pelosi. We know that for sure because she hasn’t blinked since the last shutdown.

If the government does shut down, nonessential White House employees will be sent home without pay — so more bad news for Joe Biden.

We’ve got the government shutdown, but the beginning of Obamacare. You know what that means? You can now complain to your doctor about the government making you sick.

How many are worried about a government shutdown? How many are more worried about it starting back up?

I’m glad the government has shut down. Think about it, for the first time in years it’s safe to talk on the phone and send emails without anybody listening in.

All non-essential employees were sent home — including President Obama’s economic team.

You can see the effects of the shutdown all over town. President Obama is now down to just one teleprompter.

It is day three of the government shutdown. Right now 33 percent of the government is doing absolutely nothing, which is not bad considering that before the shutdown 80 percent weren’t doing anything.

This shutdown is hurting everyone. Today, Michelle Obama told fat kids: “You’re on your own. Eat a Happy Meal. I don’t care.”

Regarding the problems with starting Obamacare, President Obama said that Apple had some glitches with the iPhone but then they fixed them. Technically the president is correct, but you have to remember: Apple has geniuses working there. This is Washington. They don’t have any geniuses.

— Leno

A lot of Republicans are hoping Democrats will eventually give in. I’m not so sure. If you’re waiting for Nancy Pelosi to blink, it may be awhile. I don’t know if it’s technically possible.

– Craig Ferguson

The shutdown will affect some national parks and museums. They’re going to close the Smithsonian. So if you have tickets, forget it. You’re not getting in. They’re going to close the National Air & Space Museum. They’re closing the Hillary Clinton Pantsuit Museum.

Even the NSA is out of business. And while they’re closed, while the government is shut down, they are asking citizens to please spy on each other.

– Letterman

After Congress failed to reach an agreement on a new spending bill, the federal government officially shut down. So roads won’t get fixed, public employees won’t be able to help you, and getting a federal loan for a house will be very difficult — but there will also be a lot of differences.

– Jimmy Fallon


Tee-shirt seen at a gun show: “If you come to take MINE, you BETTER bring YOURS!”


A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.
‘Do you enjoy it?’ the doctor asked.

‘Actually, yes, I do.’

‘Does it hurt you?’ he asked.

‘No. I rather like it.’

‘Well, then,’ the doctor continued, ‘there’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.’

The woman was mystified. ‘What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?

‘Of course,’ the doctor replied…’where do you think liberal democrat politicians like Reid, Pelosi and Obama come from?’

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