Today’s Toons 9/9/13

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Congressional Democrats are pushing a bill that would massively increase the tax on guns and ammunition. Great idea. Violent criminals would never cheat on their taxes.

Former President Bill Clinton has been tapped to deliver a major policy speech on behalf of the White House to explain the Obamacare law. Then Hillary is going to explain why it doesn’t matter whether we know who killed our people in Benghazi.

The Association of American Medical Colleges projects that America’s doctor shortage will reach almost 30,000 in two years. Well, like Obama said, “if you like your doctor, you can get in line”.

Americans for Tax Reform estimates that taxpayers will be forced to spend a total of 7.5 million hours each year complying with Obamacare. Huh. Guess it’s a good thing they’ll only have part-time jobs.

President Obama said he’s looking at a limited “shot across the bow” attack in Syria. And no one knows more about the bow than President Obama.

A new report shows that the State Department is spending nearly $30 million on janitorial services for its buildings. Why go to outside help? Look how good they are at sweeping things under the rug on Benghazi.

During an interview on PBS, President Obama complained that “the marketplace increasingly produces very unequal results.” Um… maybe that’s because people put in very unequal efforts.

State Department Spokeswoman Marie Harf said that Secretary of State John Kerry had broad interests “and is able to focus on a number of things at the same time”. So why is it the only thing he’s not interested in is Benghazi?

Democrat Congresswoman Marcia Fudge said it was up to Congress “to make sure that no child goes hungry”. Well, I guess the country WOULD be better off if more Congressmen left DC and took up farming.

— Fred Thompson

President Obama hadn’t decided if the U.S. will strike Syria Thursday. He wants to launch a strike in the middle of a civil war that won’t overthrow the dictator but will change his behavior. Problem is, he forgot to renew his Magician’s Union card after getting re-elected.

Joe Biden declared Tuesday that Syria must be held accountable for using chemical weapons. Now it’s suspected al-Qaeda staged the attack to reel in the U.S. If America’s options were a horse race, The Devil You Know would be thundering down the backstretch.

Labor Day is celebrated Monday with picnics and family get-togethers The holiday’s original meaning has been watered down over the years. Republicans today have no desire to honor organized labor while Democrats give each other work clothes as gag gifts.

Michelle Obama’s lunch menu was dropped by Los Angeles schools because children won’t eat the food. She means well. Last night at the dinner table, Michelle gave the president a scolding look and told him no more wars until he finishes the ones on his plate.

President Obama went on TV Saturday and announced his intention to sell Congress on the idea of attacking Syria. It was forceful. Fifty years from now, defense contractors will gather on the White House lawn to commemorate the president’s I Have a Drone speech.

President Obama said Saturday he has the authority to attack Syria and then he said he will ask Congress for the authority to attack Syria. No one knows his next move. He spent the rest of the Labor Day weekend huddled with his two closest advisors, Yes and No.

Fox News showed Syrian citizens disregarding a possible U.S. attack by nonchalantly playing Bingo in outdoor cafes in Damascus Saturday. They were still a bit edgy. Every time the Bingo emcee shouted B-52 the Syrians looked up and jumped under their tables.

McDonald’s workers struck for higher wages Thursday backed by Democratic Party activists and union leaders. Labor support is a core party belief. The Syrians should expect the Obama administration to attack on a Sunday just so they can get time and a half.

John Kerry urged a U.S. attack on Syria Tuesday after acknowledging that the U.S. made mistakes in Iraq. That’s the spirit. It’s an article of faith in U.S. foreign policy that you can’t undo your mistakes, but you can always make bigger ones that will overshadow them.

President Obama worked the phones Tuesday to try to persuade Congress to back his plan to attack Syria. He has his work cut out for him in the Senate. After one day, the vote was twenty-nine votes to repeal ObamaCare, one vote to invade another country.

The USS Nimitz aircraft carrier sailed for Syria, joining five destroyers off the coast of nearby Cyprus. It’s funny. John Kerry must be the first Secretary of State to hear about a great naval armada and complain to himself that it makes the water too choppy to windsurf.

Dennis Rodman returned to North Korea Sunday and visited his friend Kim Jung Un \in the dictator’s private palace in Pyongyang. It’s no secret why he was invited there. Kim Jung Un needs help loading warheads and getting the cookies down from the top shelf.

GOP U.S. Rep Bill Shuster was driven to Pittsburgh Airport in a driverless Cadillac this week. He sat shotgun with nobody else onboard. It was a good impression of President Obama and his coalition against Syria, but the rodeo said no, they will stick with the clown.

John Kerry assured the Senate Tuesday that an attack on Syria will not involve boots on the ground. The Democrats sincerely mean that. To ensure there are no boots on the ground President Obama just ordered everyone in the infantry to be issued a pair of Nikes.

President Obama asked Congress to authorize force against Syria’s Bashar al-Assad to help rebels overthrow him. It’s iffy. Once a president obeys the Constitution on war powers it’s a slippery slope before he must declare mandatory health insurance tyrannical.

— Argus Hamilton

President Obama is trying to get congressional approval before we attack Syria. And if that works, there’s talk we might even consider bringing back the rest of the Constitution.

President Obama is pretty clever. Did you see what he is doing to get Congress to approve the attack? He told them Syrian President Assad supports Obamacare.

John McCain was caught playing video poker on his iPhone during the Senate hearings the other day. Everybody is criticizing McCain, but compared to what other politicians are doing on their iPhones, that’s not so bad, OK?

President Obama is asking Congress to support a military strike in Syria. If they approve, it will be the first time Congress has officially declared war since Obamacare.

All week President Obama has been saying he will seek congressional approval for the strike but he insists he doesn’t really need it. When asked by the media if he was sending mixed messages, the president said: “Yes and no.”

President Obama says the lack of response to Syria so far does not threaten his credibility. And you know something, he’s right. The economy, Benghazi, the spying scandal — that threatens his credibility, but this other stuff, no.

If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don’t send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic advisers.

Did you see Vladimir Putin and President Obama shake hands today? They said something to each other. Of course, we don’t know what they said, nobody does — except the NSA, the KGB, and Edward Snowden.

— Leno

Today during the hearing on Syria, John McCain was caught playing poker on his smartphone. I was like, “What? John McCain knows how to use a smartphone?”

All the big-time world leaders are at the G-20 summit. Vladimir Putin is there representing Russia. Barack Obama is there representing Kenya.

– Craig Ferguson

Senator John McCain got caught in an embarrassing moment yesterday. A photographer caught him playing poker on his phone during the first public hearing on the potential action in Syria. Sounds like something Anthony Weiner would have been caught doing.

– Jimmy Kimmel

Senator John McCain, during a Senate session on whether we’re going to teach Syria a lesson, was caught playing online poker. I was stunned. John McCain knows how to use a computer? Really?

Former President Bill Clinton is traveling the country holding town hall meetings where he explains Obamacare. After that he will explain twerking.

– Letterman

Syria’s President Assad referred to President Obama as weak. Obama is so angry he plans to ask Congress for permission to come up with a good comeback.

– Conan


Fox News has already collapsed under pressure from President Obama for increased representation of minorities on the shows aired on their affiliated TV stations. Read on…

In response to President Obama’s recent complaint that FOX News doesn’t show enough Black and Hispanic people on their network, FOX announced today that they will now air “America’s Most Wanted” TWICE a week.

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