Today’s Toons 7/15/13

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

A new poll shows that 26% of Obama voters think that Tea Partiers are more dangerous than radical Muslims. So… how many people have been killed by exploding Constitutions?

A new report shows the the NSA’s spying program tracks internet information in real time. And yet, 10 months later, the administration still knows nothing about Benghazi.

Now open to the public: China’s “New Century Global Center”, which is described as the “largest freestanding building in the world”. Oddly, it’s not a storage warehouse for US Treasury Bonds.

In Scotland, 80 birdwatchers seeking a glimpse of a rare White-throated Needletail witnessed it fly directly into a wind turbine where it was killed instantly. To add insult to injury, the bird fell on a solar panel & got barbecued.

President Obama has delayed implementation of Obamacare for businesses until 2015. Yes, much easier to implement when there are fewer businesses left to implement it.

In Tanzania, First Lady Michelle Obama said that living in the White House is like being in a “really nice prison”. Yeah, if the inmates had an unlimited budget.

A new disease spread by deer ticks has already infected 100,000 New Yorkers. Guess New York’s “7 ticks per deer” law isn’t working as well as they’d hoped.

A new study shows that electric cars are actually no more environmentally-friendly than gasoline-powered vehicles. Turns out they’re also less safe in head-on collisions with chihuahuas.

The White House has ordered that Greek yogurt be added to school lunch menus. For the rest of the nation, Obama has ordered a Greek economy.

In an embarrassing incident, the IRS accidentally exposed thousands of Social Security numbers on its web site. And once they run Obamacare, it’ll be your colonoscopy video.

A new report says that Osama bin Laden wore a cowboy hat to avoid detection from US drones. Obviously they don’t work as well against IRS audits.

— Fred Thompson

West Hollywood residents celebrated after the Supreme Court allowed gay marriage in Califorrnia. The studio publicists reacted quickly. Until last week, The Lone Ranger and Tonto was advertised as an action-adventure movie and today it is a romantic comedy.

Barack Obama was in Africa when he ordered ObamaCare delayed for a year despite the law’s mandate to begin this year. It’s not legal for him to do this without Congress. However, until the Egyptian Army can make it across the Atlantic, he’s pretty much got carte blanche.

The Boston Herald ran photos of Secretary of State John Kerry yachting the day that Egypt fell. His cell phone was strapped to his shorts. Thank goodness the NSA was listening to his calls and broke into the conversation to tell him what was going on in Egypt.

Egypt’s President Morsi was arrested by the army Friday. The president issued laws by decree, he ignored the constitution, and he blamed his predecessor for the economy. Most impressive is how it only took Egypt a year to establish an American-style democracy.

NSA fugitive Ed Snowden was offered asylum from U.S. extradition by Venezuela and Bolivia and Nicaragua Monday. He’s accused the U.S. government of monitoring the phone calls of American citizens. Verizon calls it their Friends and Family and Obama Plan.

The University of Hawaii set aside an oceanfront site in a bid to have President Obama’s library located there. However, one of two colleges in Southside Chicago may get the library. That’s because in Chicago Barack Obama got a hundred twenty percent of the vote.

The White House said Monday that people may register for taxpayer-subsidized health care on the honor system. The expense could bust future budgets without tax hikes. The administration prefers to shovel money into a problem because it burns cleaner than coal.

Eliot Spitzer gained an opponent for New York Comptroller Tuesday, namely the madam in his hooker sex scandal. She said he’ll be a poor steward of the city’s cash reserves. She has five witnesses who will testify that every time Eliot makes a deposit, he loses interest.

Broward County asked for calm after the George Zimmerman verdict. How can a riot not happen? The national media keeps hammering home the point that Trayvon Martin was black and George Zimmerman, who is seven-eighths red and one-eighth black, is white.

Miami cops braced for riots with the Zimmerman verdict looming Thursday. Society isn’t as split as in the past. During the last riot, TV cameras showed a white guy, a black guy and a Hispanic guy running down the street, and they were carrying a TV set together.

Mexico was rated the world’s fattest nation ahead of the U.S. in a study Tuesday. Food experts blame Mexico’s obesity on an invasion of American fast food restaurants. All in all, it’s a genius plan to make it more difficult for them to squeeze through the new fence.

Syracuse doctors were reported Monday about to harvest the organs of a brain-dead patient when she opened her eyes on the table. Days later she was released. It gave the president his first chance in years to promise Americans a better future under ObamaCare.

— Argus Hamilton

According to The Washington Post, the NSA has been monitoring phone calls and emails of people in Mexico. So apparently it’s not enough to spy on American citizens, they feel they have to spy on FUTURE American citizens as well.

— Leno

Political experts are saying Joe Biden needs to start doing more fundraising if he wants to run for president in 2016. A lot of people are saying they’d definitely donate to a Biden campaign. Most of them are Republicans, but still

– Jimmy Fallon

President Obama’s approval rating is down to 44 percent. You can tell Obama’s getting desperate because today he gave a speech entitled “Hey, guys, the Twinkie is coming back next week.”

– Conan


911 came and went. Atrocities continued.

Boston shocked us once again.

Now the news media will spend weeks trying to determine why these men did what they did in Boston.

They will want to know what America did to make these brothers so angry with us, and their mother hate us so much.

They will want to know why these men were not arrested before they did something unlawful.

The media will be in a tizzy about the new era of home grown radicals and about how they could live among us and still hate us.

Here in Texas, I have rattlesnakes on my place.

I have killed a rattlesnake on the front porch.

I have killed a rattlesnake on the back porch.

I have killed rattlesnakes in the barn, in the shop and on the driveway.

I kill every rattlesnake I encounter. I kill rattlesnakes because a rattlesnake will bite me and fill me with poison.

I don’t stop to wonder why a rattlesnake will bite me. It will bite me because it is a rattlesnake and that is what rattlesnakes do.

I don’t try to reason with a rattlesnake…I just kill it.

I don’t try to get to know the rattlesnake better so that I can find a way to live with the rattlesnakes and convince them not to bite me…I just kill them.

I don’t quiz a rattlesnake to see if I can find out where the other snakes are because (a) it won’t tell me (b) I already know that they live on my place…I just kill the rattlesnake and move on to the next one.

I don’t look for ways that I might be able to change the rattlesnake to a non-poisonous rat snake. I just kill it. Oh, and on occasion, I kill a rat snake, because I thought it was a rattlesnake at the time.

Also, I know that for every rattlesnake that I kill, two more lurk out there. In my lifetime I will never be able to rid my place of rattlesnakes.

Do I fear them? No! Do I respect what they can do to me? Yes! And because of that respect I give them their fair justice….I kill them.

Maybe as a country, we should give more credit to the jihadist just being another rattlesnake!

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