Twenty two years ago when I decided that I was going to be a stay at home mom with my two kids I had every intention of making great memories and raising two very happy kids. I really hoped that they would grow up and be happy that their mom wanted to stay at home and be with them. My intention was to teach them right from wrong, show them how to be caring and happy adults so that when they decided to go out on their own they would know how to live happy and healthy lives.
Well, nobody is perfect. This I have learned. As it is I was just informed that I had the best of intentions and did what I did out of love, but I was inexperienced. I’m not exactly sure what my son was talking about when he told me this and maybe he doesn’t even know, but I dare anybody to do it better. A mom makes the decisions she does with all of the best of intentions. When your kids go through hard times you make yourself available to them. You make sure they know that you care and you love them but have to figure out how to do that without taking control. You try to teach them how to make decisions that not only seem fun to a kid but teach them how to make choices that will not hurt them as they go along.
I stayed home with my kids for about 15 years when I realized that I needed to give them some space. I went to work part time at first and learned that I loved helping people. I worked in the health field and absolutely loved meeting new people and carving out a space where I could talk to adults and develop my own sense of self. Helping people makes me happy and I tried to share this with my kids. I told them often that I loved going to work, it was only as good as you make it, if you have fun and enjoy it you don’t think of it as work. This is how I looked at raising my kids and then how I looked at working.
I worked at my last job for just about six years and could have stayed there forever, but things change. My boss decided that he needed to make some changes , I and my co-worker were no longer needed. This was a rough blow but if I have learned anything in my life it is that life changes and we are adaptable. I am currently trying to find a job that will fit in my life and use my people skills. It’s not as easy as it looks. What I would love to do is to once again work with people who appreciate you. I love to meet new people and grow a rapport with them. The patients that I saw every day knew of my kids, my husband and my family that lives out of town. I miss my “friends.” I miss our interactions and hope that they know how special they were to me.
Whether it’s raising your kids, doing your job, or just living life, nothing is going to be perfect. Nothing is going to make everybody happy all the time. What I am learning as I go through life is that we can only do the best we can each and every day. Each day I struggle with these issues, some days are harder than others, but I would not change my life for anything. Each step that I have made, whether it was right or wrong was a choice that I made to better my life or the lives around me. I made my life choices with the gut feeling in my heart. I had a lot of input from my family and friends. I never ruled anything out and had to make decisions the best I knew how.
If there is one thing that I could pass on to the next guy, it is; life is short. We don’t always have forever and you can only do the best you can that day with the information that you have. What you do will not always make everybody happy but as long as you can lay your head down on your pillow each night knowing that you did your best with love for your family and friends you can hope that your choices please God. Isn’t that what it’s all about?