Today’s Toons 4/29/13

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

President Obama’s new budget contains cuts to the tax deduction for charitable contributions. Sure. Why pussyfoot around with sin taxes when you can tax virtue?

A new study shows that California’s planned high-speed rail system will lose $300 million per year. The new California reverse gold rush: throwing money INTO a hole.

During a recent hearing, John Kerry said of Benghazi, “we got a lot more important things to move on to”. Like what? The statute of limitations?

After the gun control bill was defeated, President Obama said, “the gun lobby and its allies willfully lied about the bill”. Huh. I was waiting for him to blame it on a YouTube video.

— Fred Thompson

President Obama offered to wash U.S. senators’ cars if they will pass the immigration bill. He wasn’t kidding. The position of car washer in the U.S. government pays a hundred eighty grand a year and you only have to do it for two months to qualify for a full pension.

Boston police tracked down and killed one of the two bombing supects Friday as the brother got away. It was a long night. The cops asked Twitter to stop giving tips to the suspect by revealing the police’s whereabouts, but they thanked CNN for throwing him off.

The FBI dug into the past of the Boston bombers to see if were they radicalized in U.S. mosques. The nineteen-year-old was fine until he went to college. That’s how student loans affect people when they find out they can’t get in-state tuition like the Mexicans do.

George W. Bush will host his father George H.W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama at the dedication of his presidential library at SMU in Dallas Thursday. Imagine the five living president side-by-side together. If they were cards, you would fold.

Boston bomber Djhokhar Tsarnaev was discovered in a backyard boat by the owner Friday. The guy’s wife had ordered him to go outside to smoke. It’s the first time since World War II that tobacco companies have been able to credibly argue that smoking saves lives.

Boston bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was taken by ambulance to Beth-Israel hospital in Boston after his discovery. He’s a Muslim terrorist who’s recovering in a Jewish hospital. The Jewish people have survived for five thousand years but no one can figure out how.

Russian intel confirmed Monday it warned the FBI several years ago that Tamerlan Tsarnaev was a Chechen-trained terrorist. It’s not like the information wasn’t used. The TSA was put on alert to watch for women who might have a Chechen concealed in their bra.

Russia offered the West help in tracking Chechen terrorists after last week’s Boston bombings. It has to be a group effort. Within days the U.S. had tracked down the bombers, Britain beefed up security for the London Marathon, and France surrendered to Chechnya.

The AP was hit by a hacker Tuesday who tweeted under the AP byline that the White House had been bombed. It was obviously a hoax. Under the the new AP stylebook, reporters are not allowed to use the word bomb, they have to say undocumented boom box.

Bill and Hillary Clinton will be in Arkansas next week for the dedication of the Bill and Hillary Clinton Airport in Little Rock. It’s a tribute to both their careers. Half of the airport is a mile-high club and half of the airport is a coin-operated money laundry.

Canadian Mounties foiled an al-Qaeda plot to blow up a passenger train traveling to Toronto from New York. Everyone shuddered. Trains are so susceptible to terrorist attack that we’re allowing knives on airplanes just to try to lure al-Qaeda back to the airports.

— Argus Hamilton

All five living presidents will gather for the opening of the George W. Bush Presidential Library. President Obama says he hopes he can pick up some ideas for when he builds his. It’s going to be called the “Blame George W. Bush Presidential Library.”

— Leno

A new report found that the worst job in the U.S. is being a newspaper reporter. They say it’s better for writers to just focus on fiction and become a CNN reporter.

– Jimmy Fallon


An elderly man had a massive stroke & the family drove him to the emergency room.

After awhile, the ER doctor appeared wearing a long face.

”I’m afraid Grandpa is brain dead, but his heart is still beating.”

”Oh dear God,” cried his wife, “we’ve never had a liberal in the family before!”

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