Today’s Toons 4/22/13

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

In his weekly radio address, President Obama said “the truth is, our deficits are already shrinking.” The truth is, not as fast as the number of people still in the workforce.

The father of a Connecticut child is furious after discovering that his son’s school is teaching students that Americans don’t have a Second Amendment right to bear arms. I bet when he called them on it, they immediately defended themselves by quoting the First Amendment.

I see the gun control bill in the Senate is called “The Public Safety and Second Amendment Rights Protection Act”. Great name. Like the “Unsinkable” Titanic.

A new Gallup poll shows that 55% of Americans say their income taxes are “fair”. I’m guessing that’d be the 47% who pay none, plus a few Obama cabinet appointees.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg said that if you sell a gun to your son, “there’s something wrong with your family”. Yes. That it’s still living in New York.

Secretary of State John Kerry said that he discussed with Chinese government officials investing in America’s infrastructure. Better hurry while we’ve still got some left.

— Fred Thompson

New York’s disgraced former U.S. Congressman Anthony Weiner said Sunday he might run for mayor of New York this year. Talk about nerve. The world is so ready to forgive North Korea for launching a missile, he thought he’d test the limits of everyone’s tolerance.

Kim Jung Un ordered his strategic rocket scientists to battle stations Thursday. The signs of war are evident. The U.S. Navy ordered anti-missile destroyers into the Sea of Japan, and Jane Fonda just flew to North Korea to be photographed sitting on a missile.

President Obama asked Congress for money to improve electric cars Tuesday. It will take awhile. Consumers had big hopes for Toyota’s new electric car until they found out it isn’t electrified until after the accelerator sticks and the car smashes into a light pole.

Mattel angered Hispanic activists with its new Mexican Barbie Doll Thursday in their Dolls of the World collection. Hispanics are angry because the beautiful doll comes with a passport. She needs it in case she ever travels to a country that has an immigration policy.

Anthony Weiner announced he may run for New York mayor Monday only two years after he resigned from Congress for texting underwear photos of himself to women. He just got a break. A judge ruled he may file for mayor using his porn star name, Anthony Weiner.

North Korea honored Kim Jung-Un’s late father Kim Jong Il who died last year at age seventy. He drank a quart of Cognac a day, snorted coke, took Cialis and dated teenage girls. You’d think North Korea would spare Los Angeles if only out of professional courtesy.

President Obama received a letter from celebrities and musicians Friday who asked him to ease U.S. drug laws and eliminate jail time for users and dealers. The petition is no surprise. If cocaine could do taxes it would list celebrities and musicians as dependents.

A U.S. judge gave a thief seven years for stealing President Obama’s Teleprompter in Richmond last year. The president never missed it. He surrounds himself with so many Teleprompters onstage it looks like he’s given himself a one hundred million dollar block grant to go solar.

Jay-Z released a rap song ripping President Obama for not backing him up on his trip to Cuba Friday. He’d just been at the White House. President Obama is a big fan of hip hop music, in fact he’s the first president to have his own rap nickname, Biggie Deficits.

The White House admitted last week that ObamaCare will be more expensive than originally projected. Also, patients won’t be given much time for their medical examination. If you want a second opinion the doctor goes out the door and comes in again.

President Obama’s tax return showed he only paid eighteen percent of his income in taxes Monday. He made only half the money he made last year and only a third of what he earned the year before that. You can’t make it up, even Obama is doing badly under Obama.

Joe Biden declared Friday that holding a gun feels like driving a Ferrari and likened gun rights activists to the black helicopter crowd. Eyes rolled. By now it’s no secret that Joe Biden’s golf bag isn’t carrying a full set of irons.

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer jumped the gun Wednesday reporting that the Boston bomber had been arrested. Ten minutes later the network had to announce that the report wasn’t true. CNN is now walking back its story that Boston is a small island off the coast of Kansas.

The U.S. Senate heard a bill that lets illegal aliens stay in the U.S. if they pay back taxes and pass a criminal check and have a good job. It could be a dealbreaker. Democrats are never going to vote for an immigration bill that only allows Republicans into the country.

Anthony Weiner was pleased to see himself running second in the New York mayor’s race in Tuesday’s poll. He hasn’t declared yet and he’s surging. Ever since Mayor Giuliani ran all the hookers out of Times Square New Yorkers have been craving adult entertainment.

— Argus Hamilton

According to a new study, our views on immigration are changing. For example, when asked if they support a path to citizenship, 40 percent of the respondents said, “Si.”

— Leno

Last night NPR was hacked by a group called the Syrian Electronic Army. Which explains why for five seconds last night, NPR was exciting.

– Conan


First they came for the pressure cookers, and I didn’t speak out, because I didn’t use pressure cookers.

Then they came for the electric skillets, and I didn’t speak out, because I didn’t use electric skillets.

Then they came for the rice cookers, and I didn’t speak out, because I didn’t use rice cookers.

Then they came for dinner, and there were no appliances left to cook on…

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