Today’s Toons 2/18/13

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

The United Food and Commercial Workers union is now looking to unionize California medical marijuana dispensaries. Maybe unions will do for pot what they did for Twinkies.

The financially struggling US Postal Service announced it will stop delivering mail on Saturdays. Can’t wait to find out how many days per week you’ll be able to get treatment under Obamacare.

A Texas gun shop owner said that CNN edited his interview to “completely misrepresent” what he said. Well, photoshopping his face onto Yosemite Sam probably was a bit much.

Chinese villagers reportedly found themselves cut off from the outside world after waking to discover moats had been dug around their homes. Probably just making room to store more US Treasury Bonds.

During his weekly radio address, President Obama said we’re “more than halfway towards” stabilizing our debt. Well, I guess nothing’s more stable than rock bottom.

The president of the American Federation of Government Employees said Obama’s proposed 1% pay increase is “absolutely unconscionable.” Whiner. You want real money? Bankrupt a solar power company.

A Democrat poll worker in Ohio admitted during a TV interview that she voted twice in the last election. Great. Now ALL of Obama’s multi-voters will want to be on TV.

During his State of the Union address, President Obama described the economy as an “unfinished task”. Yeah, there’s a few parts he hasn’t completely destroyed yet.

— Fred Thompson

John Brennan’s pro-drone-strike testimony Thursday was backed by seventy percent of Americans who approve the strikes on American traitors. It’s wild. Dick Nixon would still be president if he had ordered the burglars to cancel the break-in and kill Jane Fonda.

An Oregon U.S. congressman proposed a fifty-dollar-an-ounce federal tax on marijuana sales to raise needed revenue. We’re now relying on drug sales to fund the government. History will record that Afghanistan is an imperialist power that conquered the United States.

Leon Panetta said Wednesday the U.S. is targeted by hundreds of cyber attacks every day. It’s so true. Last week the Federal Reserve was hacked, and if the hackers hadn’t been stopped they’d have made off with debts that would follow them the rest of their lives.

President Obama was granted the power in a Justice Department memo Tuesday to assassinate Americans anywhere in the world with drone strikes. The memo says a president can kill Americans by drone strikes if they’re leading enemy forces. Rush Limbaugh has begun broadcasting from the bunker under the Greenbriar Country Club.

Condi Rice struck a spectator in the head with a tee shot at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am tournament Friday. The victim had concussion-like symptoms. President Obama heard about it and said he wasn’t sure if he’d allow his son to be a spectator at a golf tournament.

President Obama will give his State of the Union speech to a joint session of Congress this evening. A president traditionally begins this speech by declaring that the state of the union is good. It’s always best to open with a good joke to get the crowd on your side.

Leon Panetta stunned the Senate Thursday, admitting that President Obama was not present or in command during the entire Benghazi consulate attack last fall. This is serious. Barack Obama is just lucky he didn’t stain anybody’s blue dress or he could be impeached.

CIA Director-designate John Brennan told his Senate confirmation hearing Thursday that he’s opposed to waterboarding terrorists but he’s completely in favor of drone strikes. You know how government bureaucrats are. When you kill somebody you’re done with it, but torture produces information and that just makes more work for everybody.

The White House website is selling I Love Obama flags to push his agenda. The flags are huge. Republicans buy the flags and tape them to the roof of their cars, so that in case there are any drone missiles in the neighborhood, it’s one less thing to worry about.

President Obama’s speechwriter resigned to pursue a career as a comedy screenwriter in Los Angeles. He helped to write the stimulus bill and the ObamaCare bill, and he coined the phrase shovel-ready projects. Once you get addicted to getting laughs it’s hard to give it up.

National Geographic geologists said Monday Asia will ram into America in a hundred million years and form one big continent. It gave Democrats a brand-new argument. What’s the point in paying off the national debt if China is going to repossess us anyway?

President Obama in his State of the Union speech called for more U.S. money to battle global poverty. He said many people in the world are forced to live on as little as one dollar a day. So it’s official, the president sends his brother in Kenya thirty bucks a month.

President Obama used his State of the Union speech to propose one hundred and sixty billion dollars in federal spending for new programs. He said the programs won’t cost taxpayers a dime. Bernie Madoff was kept out of the U.S. Capitol building during the State of the Union speech so that in case of catastrophe we would have continuity of government.

— Argus Hamilton

According to a leaked report from an upcoming U.N. study on climate change, solar activity may play a greater role in global warming than previously thought. The sun may be involved in global warming. It’s always the last place you’d think, isn’t it?

Time magazine is reporting that since Al Gore sold his TV network to Al Jazeera, he is now worth more money than Mitt Romney. Can you believe that? They’re still publishing Time magazine.

Reportedly, President Obama’s speech will focus on jobs. Hopefully he’ll explain to us why anybody in Congress still has one.

This is a real break with tradition. When the president walked into the chamber, instead of “Hail to the Chief,” they played “Hey, Big Spender.”

President Obama wants Congress to increase the minimum wage. Believe me, when it comes to doing the minimum for their wage, Congress knows what it’s talking about.

— Leno

Last night while the president was speaking, the Westminster Dog Show wrapped up. The dog show and the State of the Union address are very different, of course. One’s a lot of yapping and prancing and sniffing. And the other is the dog show.

– Craig Ferguson

I have to hand it to President Obama. He is full of confidence, really kind of cocky and full of himself. At the end of his State of the Union address he showed America his Kenyan birth certificate.

– Letterman

Do you know why the White House scheduled the State of the Union address for Lincoln’s birthday instead of Washington’s birthday? Well, it’s because Washington was famous for saying, “I cannot tell a lie.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said on Fox News Sunday that it’s a false argument to say that we have a spending problem. You know something? I think she may be right. I think what we actually have is a “You don’t have a clue” problem.

President Obama also gave House Speaker John Boehner a thumbs-up before the start of his State of the Union address. Or as Boehner put it, “Beats the finger I usually get!”

– Jimmy Fallon


Kim Jung Un had NO military experience whatsoever before Daddy made him a four-star general.

This snot-nosed twerp had never accomplished anything in his life that would even come close to military leadership.

He hadn’t even so much as led a Cub Scout troop, coached a sports team, or commanded a military platoon.

So he is made the “Beloved Leader” Of North Korea.


Oh crap! I’m sorry.

I just remembered that we did the same thing.

We took an arrogant bastard community organizer, who had never worn a uniform, and made him Commander-in-Chief.

A guy, who had never had a real job, worked on a budget, or led anything more than an ACORN demonstration, and we made him “Beloved Leader” of the United States…TWICE !!!

I’m sorry I brought this up. Never mind.

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