Today’s Toons 1/28/13

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

President Obama is proposing $4.5 billion in new spending for gun control. Coincidentally, about the same amount people have spent buying guns since he proposed it.

House lawmakers have introduced a bill that would cut Joe Biden’s salary. Joe Biden was reportedly furious, saying he preferred long stalks because they’re better for dipping.

Congratulations middle class. Soon you too will be “rich” – according to Obama, anyway.

A new study shows that 60% of young Americans plan to buy firearms. The other 40% were confused, saying they thought they were free under Obamacare.

An Oregon sheriff has sent a letter to Vice President Joe Biden saying his department will not enforce his proposed new gun laws. Now, if it had been an Arizona sheriff talking about immigration laws, he’d have gotten a medal.

In a column on, CBS News political director John Dickerson urged President Obama to “go for the throat”. Well, that’d be a nice change from his constantly going for the wallet.

A new study shows that people who feel lonely are more prone to illnesses. The poor guy who types up budgets for the Democrats must be on his deathbed by now.

During an interview on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, Valerie Jarrett profusely thanked the network for its coverage of Obama. Why? That’s like visiting the Grand Canyon and thanking your echo.

Attorney General Eric Holder called for “imposing tough penalties on gun traffickers who help funnel weapons to dangerous criminals”. Just his way of eliminating the competition.

Country artist Charlie Daniels described New York’s Governor Andrew Cuomo as “liberalism on steroids”. Maybe we should enter him in a French bicycle race.

— Fred Thompson

President Obama’s inaugural parade Monday will include a float that features eight Americans whose lives he improved. It should be quite a parade. They include a gay Air Force pilot, a brain tumor survivor, a civil rights worker, and the entire gun industry.

Smith and Wesson stock soared on Wall Street as Americans flocked to gun stores all week. The threatened ban caused the sales. The good news is, President Obama has sold so many guns that he’s just won a free trip to Hawaii, saving taxpayers a ton of money.

Nissan dropped the price of its all-electric Leaf by six thousand dollars Friday to try to generate demand. No one wants them. These things will never sell until a carload of children are killed in one and Presdent Obama tries to ban electric cars by executive order.

WalMart announced plans Friday to hire a hundred thousand U.S. veterans from the Iraq and Afghanistan wars to work in the stores. It’s defensive decision. If the president decides to confiscate all guns, WalMart will have its own militia to protect the inventory.

President Obama issued two dozen executive orders to try to curb gun violence last week. It could affect the Super Bowl. The president banned the pistol offense, the shotgun formation, the bullet pass, the long bomb and any quarterback with a rifle arm.

President Obama tapped Denis McDonough to be his Chief of Staff on Thursday. This is the sixth white male he’s appointed to his six top positions. Bill Clinton wanted a cabinet that looks like America and Barack Obama wants one that looks like baseball before 1945.

Hillary Clinton is scheduled to testify in Congress about the al-Qaeda attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi and the anti-Muslim-film excuse she gave for the attack. She won’t be under oath, however. She just announced that she fell and broke her right elbow.

Tom Brokaw likened gun rights defenders to civil rights opponents in the Sixties. The day before, Bob Schieffer compared the NRA to Nazis. In Mother England it’s your bloodline that makes you a member of the nobility but in America it’s a journalism degree.

Washington D.C. hosted events all weekend to celebrate the Inauguration. The hottest trending celebrities arrived to toast the president. Manti Te’o’s imaginary girlfriend went on the Today Show to introduce everybody to her twin sister, the economic recovery.

President Obama didn’t mention foreign policy in his Inaugural Address on Monday despite the War on Terror. He’s on the warpath against gun use. The only concession that he made to the National Rifle Association was that he allowed his wife to wear bangs

USA Today chided President Obama Tuesday for appointing white males to fill all his new cabinet post openings. The newspaper really took him to task. The president wrote a letter to the editor explaining that rich white men are in danger of extinction and if he doesn’t create a protected habitat for them, there will be no one to pay for the government.

President Obama’s inauguration got record-low TV ratings Monday with only seven million Americans viewing the speech. The administration was able to explain the low numbers. The Democrats say it was Martin Luther King Day and everyone was at work.

— Argus Hamilton

On the news they made a big deal out of the fact that four years ago there were twice as many people at President Obama’s first inauguration than there was at this one. That’s because four years ago, twice as many people could afford to stay in hotels.

Joe Biden made another one of his famous gaffes on camera Monday, saying he was proud to be president of the United States. I guess he forgot he wasn’t at home standing in front of the bathroom mirror.

A scary moment at John Kerry’s secretary of state confirmation hearing. One of the senators had taken his Ambien the night before and combined with the stuffy room and Kerry’s boring speech, he slipped a coma.

Yesterday House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama’s focus is to annihilate the Republican Party. Do the Republicans look like they need help from President Obama?

— Leno


Gotta love those grandkids.

I see, they are learning something in certain schools. I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old granddaughter and…

I asked her, “What day is tomorrow?”

Without skipping a beat, she said “It’s President’s Day!”

She is a smart kid. So I asked her “What does President’s Day mean?”

I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln, etc.

She replied, “President’s Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have 4 more years of bullshit.

“You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose!”

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