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During an interview on Fox News, Democrat Senator Elizabeth Warren couldn’t define what she meant by “middle class”. Easy. The folks she’s going to tax right after she taxes the rich.
Last Sunday in London, the first atheist “church” opened for services. All I can say is that I hope their steeple has a good lightning rod.
— Fred Thompson
Al Gore sold his Current TV to the Arabic network Al Jazeera for five hundred million dollars Thursday. He sold his progressive, liberal network to a network that’s funded by oil money. Dick Cheney was on hand at the escrow office to welcome Al to the Dark Side.
Al Jazeera announced it will open news bureaus all over the U.S. after buying Current TV Thursday. They will also air dramas and sitcoms. The network producers are now developing Eight Simple Rules for Buying My Daughter, Mayberry IED and Really Mad Men.
President Obama signed an executive order Tuesday making it easy for illegal aliens with relatives in the U.S. to stay here. This is an entirely new policy. It would replace the current way with which we control the flow of illegal aliens from Mexico, the honor system.
Speaker John Boehner angered GOP conservatives Tuesday by allowing tax hikes on the rich to be passed. They say he surrendered without firing a shot. His defenders say it was a shortened work week, and a short work week makes everybody feel a little French.
U.S. Congressman Jose Serrano introduced a bill Sunday to repeal the Twenty-Second Amendment to allow President Obama to have a third term in office, just as he did fifteen years ago to try to give Bill Clinton a third term. However, the two presidents are very different. Under Obama obesity is a disease while under Clinton it was an aphrodisiac.
Congress hit a new low Monday as Public Policy Poll showed Congress is less popular than a colonoscopy. They only asked the question of people who’d experienced both. It’s a mailing list of everyone who makes four hundred thousand dollars per year or more.
Chuck Hagel’s nomination for Defense Secretary drew fire from people who are pro-Israel. He’s also made anti-gay remarks. Once Obama started assassinating opponents with drones, nominating a guy with German blood to be in charge of the military was as natural as breathing.
Barack Obama named Jack Lew as Treasury Secretary. He picked John Kerry, Chuck Hagel, John Brennan, and Jack Lew to head State, Defense, CIA and Treasury. He’s got so many white guys working for him it’s starting to look like a photo-negative of an NBA team.
Senator Lindsey Graham vowed to block John Brennan’s nomination for CIA Director if the State Department doesn’t come clean on the Benghazi fiasco. The questions in the hearings will be brutal. Hillary Clinton has two weeks to find something to hit her head on.
North Korea’s leader Kim Jung Un celebrated his birthday by delivering two pounds of chocolate to every kid in North Korea. What a nice gesture. Syria’s Bashar al-Assad is kicking himself for celebrating his birthday two years ago by sending everyone anthrax.
— Argus Hamilton
This week Congress approved some version of the fiscal tax bill, which raises taxes on rich Americans. President Obama was determined to do this right away — while there are still some rich Americans left.
Americans from all sides of the political spectrum seem to be upset about this fiscal cliff deal. Imagine how the Chinese must feel. It’s their money.
Al Gore’s Current TV has been sold to Al-Jazeera for a reported $500 million. Experts believe that Al-Jazeera overpaid for Current TV by approximately $500 million.
Today Democrats said they want another trillion dollars in taxes. Didn’t we just give them $620 billion last Wednesday? Is that gone already? Who is running this, “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”?
Today was a big day in Hollywood. The Oscar nominations were announced. “Lincoln” leads the list with 12 nominations. This is a first — not the most nominations, but the first time Hollywood has ever voted for a Republican president. That is amazing.
The White House announced today that the theme for President Obama’s second inauguration will be “Faith in America’s Future.” The idea is to get our minds off of America’s present.
The movie that got the most nominations was “Lincoln.” It’s the first time Hollywood has ever supported a Republican.
– Craig Ferguson
What happened to the fiscal cliff? Are we on it or off it? Forget it. The debt ceiling is the brand new crisis. The fiscal cliff was just the warm-up, just for beginners, like a student film.
President Obama’s team is promising special perks for donors who give at least a million dollars to the inauguration. Which is cool, but you know what else can get you a lot of perks? Keeping that million dollars.
– Jimmy Fallon
They are referred to as “homo slackass-erectus” created by natural genetic downward evolution through constant spineless posturing, and spasmatic upper limb gestures, which new research has shown to cause shorter legs and an inability to ambulate other than in an awkward shuffling gait. The “drag-crotch” shape also seems to effect brain function. Expect no eye contact or intelligent verbal communication. History shows that this species mostly voted for Obama and receives food stamps and full government care. Unfortunately most are highly fertile.
An uninformed voter calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?’
The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’
‘Thank you,’ the uninformed voter says, and hangs up.
And then he went and voted for Obungler.