Today’s Toons 1/7/13

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A new report shows that private sector jobs are up 23% – in Cuba. Great. The one way Obama hasn’t made us more like a third-world country.

Despite the nation’s fiscal crisis, President Obama issued an executive order giving a raise to federal workers. Sorta the fiscal equivalent of serving Irish Coffee at an AA meeting.

— Fred Thompson

The Treasury Department warned Thursday that the government will reach its debt limit on New Year’s Eve. After that, the U.S. has no money for operations, government salaries or entitlement checks. Democrats are about to find out that it’s easier to quit heroin.

President Obama joked to ABC Friday his main incentive to be president was to have armed guards around Malia on dates. It shows progress. This is a softer position that the one he originally held, that the girls couldn’t go to school unless they’re wearing burkas.

GOP senators vowed to delay John Kerry’s confirmation until Hillary Clinton testifies about her role in the terrorist attack on Benghazi. She blames a concussion for her delay. It’s ironic for someone who successfully ducked this for three months to hit her head.

Senator Dianne Feinstein introduced a bill that bans automatic guns Thursday. Her bill also requires all gun owners to be fingerprinted. O.J. Simpson is openly complaining in prison that today they are after the gun owners, and tomorrow it’ll be the knife owners.

President Obama was interviewed by Barbara Walters on ABC Friday. She named him one of America’s Ten Most Intriguing People. He seemed surprised that they did a twenty-minute video segment about his life and not a series of books by David McCullough.

President Obama signed an executive order in the White House Friday granting Vice President Joe Biden a six thousand dollar a year pay raise. No one begrudged the hike in salary. Americans have always felt that a great comedian is worth every penny you pay him.

Al Gore sold Current TV to the pan-Arab network Al Jazeera for five hundred million dollars Friday. It fits. Every time George W. Bush invaded an Arab country Al Jazeera executives threw darts at his picture, so they won’t have to make any changes to Al Gore’s office at all.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was hospitalized to treat a minor blood clot Sunday in New York City. She’s described as doing just fine and improving rapidly. However Bill Clinton paid a visit to her hospital room, and minutes later he took a turn for the nurse.

President Obama signed an order Tuesday making it easier for illegal aliens to stay in the U.S. What a moment. It was the one hundred and fiftieth anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation and Barack Obama wanted to honor the replacement players.

John Boehner said he is finished dealing with Obama after his re-election as Speaker Thursday. It wasn’t easy. The House he runs has the power to appropriate money and declare war, but a president has TV coverage, and that has sunk the checks and balances system.

— Argus Hamilton

John Boehner was re-elected speaker of the house, which is pretty amazing — a Republican winning anything these days.

President Obama signed the new fiscal cliff tax increase into law while vacationing in Hawaii today. He used an autopen, an electronic way of signing your name when you’re not even there. Politicians can now raise your taxes while they’re on vacation in Hawaii. This is a Democrat’s dream come true.

The National Journal says that Joe Biden may be the most influential vice president in history. Joe Biden got this exciting news while he was walking President Obama’s dog, Bo.

— Leno

Has anyone seen Al Gore’s Current TV? I don’t mean by mistake. I mean, who’s actually watched it?

Well, Al-Jazeera has purchased Al Gore’s old TV network, Current TV. So it’s now owned by Al-Jazeera. And listen to this: $500 million. This is a little something Al Gore has come up with called “global fleecing.”

– Letterman


I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house? I said I did. She said, “Well I certainly hope it isn’t loaded!” To which I said, “Of course it is loaded; it can’t work without bullets!” She then asked, “Are you that afraid of someone evil coming into your house?” My reply was, “No, not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too.”

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