Today’s Toons 12/17/12

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President Obama met with MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow & Al Sharpton at the White House to discuss tax policy. Probably more enthusiastic head-nodding at that meeting than a bobblehead store in an earthquake.

In an interview with Bloomberg news, President Obama said “we’re not going to be able to get a deal without” raising taxes on high income earners. Wish he’d show us the kind of flexibility he promised to Russia.

ting a poor economic outlook, U.S. Steel is laying off more than 100 workers this month. First there’s no shovel-ready jobs, now there’s not even anything to make shovels with.

During a Bloomberg News interview, President Obama said that the American economy was ready to “take off”. Apparently. Not like a rocket ship… like a guy who cuts out of work early.

On MSNBC, Howard Dean complained “everybody needs to pay more taxes, not just the rich”. Don’t worry, Howard. Obamacare covers that, too.

The Justice Department has been conducting an investigation into the interrogation practices at the Chicago Police Department. Why? Have they been asking people their immigration status?

Democrat Senator Chuck Schumer said that unemployment benefits are the “best stimulus there is” for the economy. Must be his way of letting his staff know they’re all fired.

China has bought the bankrupt, stimulus-funded battery company A123. Kinda worrisome that they think a company that can’t make money is a better investment than more Treasury Bonds.

In Michigan, President Obama said that right-to-work laws are “about giving you the right to work for less money” Yes, so much better to be unemployed from a high paying job.

The Obamas’ “Holiday” card features a painting of their dog, Bo, outside of the White House standing in a snowstorm. Very nice. Everyone who didn’t vote for Obama can relate to that.

Border Patrol agents say smugglers are now using a cannon to fire containers of marijuana into the US. Folks in Colorado have taken up a collection to get them a bigger cannon.

— Fred Thompson

New York Jets coach Rex Ryan named Mark Sanchez his starter despite back-up Greg McIlroy winning last week. Those are the team’s only two choices. Last week a federal judge ruled that Tim Tebow cannot be displayed in public because he is a religious symbol.

Detroit’s city council demanded Monday that President Obama bail out the city. The situation is dire. There are forty thousand vacant homes in Detroit and now the bears have been told they have to give half their picnic baskets to fund public employee pensions.

President Obama sought to take the House’s power to raise the debt limit Thursday. Harry Reid tried to take away the GOP’s power in the Senate to filibuster. It’s the most naked grab for power since Dominic Strauss-Kahn called for maid service from the shower.

Speaker John Boehner accused President Obama of wasting another week in the fiscal cliff talks Friday. The president refuses to consider spending cuts while Republicans refuse to raise taxes. Ten percent of Americans polled are rooting for a settlement as the politicians approach the cliff, while ninety percent are rooting for gravity and a low tide.

Mel Brooks said he’s writing a Broadway musical of his comedy Blazing Saddles. It is about a black sheriff in the Wild West who earns the trust of a town full of white people. It ends in a pie fight that starts with an argument over how much to raise taxes on the rich.

Wall Street CEO Peter Schiff ripped Obama’s proposed tax hikes on CNBC Sunday. He said the majority don’t have the right to steal his money just because they voted for it. Money is fleeing offshore so fast, the new five-dollar bill shows Lincoln in Bermuda shorts.

U.S. Senator Tom Coburn cited Homeland Security Friday for spending thousands and thousands of taxpayer money to teach cops how to battle flesh-eating zombies. Everyone was afraid to cut the funding. Republicans don’t want to lose the next election because the opposition runs TV ads showing them pushing zombies over a cliff in their wheelchairs.

House Republicans and Democrats stayed deadlocked Monday over whether to cut spending or raise taxes to save the economy. If they send us over the fiscal cliff, they will still get paid. Their salaries are guaranteed under the Americans with No Abilities Act.

Warren Buffett joined liberal billionaire George Soros Tuesday calling for a massive increase in estate taxes. It costs them nothing but penalizes their children. The very suggestion could be the most selfless act since Thomas Jefferson freed his slaves in his will.

Michigan passed a right-to-work bill as angry labor protesters demonstrated in the gallery. They bullied the measure’s supporters. The reason Jimmy Hoffa was killed in Michigan is because he hired a free-lance chauffeur instead of calling the local to get a guy.

Al-Qaeda’s number-two leader was killed by a drone strike Tuesday in Pakistan. He was the sixth number-two leader of Al-Qaeda we have assassinated by drone. It may not have done that much damage when you consider that our number-two leader is Joe Biden.

North Korea launched an ICBM sixteen hundred miles Tuesday that left a satellite in orbit before it landed in the ocean. They Photoshop their missiles to make them look longer-range than they really are. Sounds like Anthony Weiner found work as a consultant.

President Obama dismissed Iran’s threats to support Syria’s government Sunday. He said he’s crippled Iran’s economy with sanctions. Thanks to the president’s work over the last four years, Iran doesn’t have the money to support Syria any more than we do.

Michigan Governor Rick Snyder signed the right-to-work law Wednesday, prompting Teamster chief Jimmy Hoffa to predict a civil war. That’s ridiculous. The South is already trying to secede and if the North secedes at the same time, there is nothing to fight about.

— Argus Hamilton

The unemployment rate has fallen to its lowest level in nearly four years. The bad news is that most of those jobs involve wearing a red suit, a beard, and having kids pee in your lap.

According to the latest census poll, a large number of Californians are moving out of state and going to places like Texas and Nevada. Look, I know a lot of us are disgusted with the Lakers, but that’s no reason . . .

— Leno

Yesterday, the Senate floor was reserved for farewell speeches from retiring senators. Each senator received a fitting gift: a gold watch that stopped working years ago.

– Jimmy Fallon


Effective Jan 1, 2013, aspirin will be heavily taxed under Obamacare. The only explanation given was that they are white and they work.


When former top U.S. military commander in Afghanistan Stanley McChrystal got called into the Oval Office by Barack Hussien Obama, he knew things weren’t going to go well when the President accused him of not supporting Obama in his political role as President.

“It’s not my job to support you as a politician, Mr. President, it’s my job to support you as Commander-in-Chief,” McChrystal replied.

Not satisfied with accepting McChrystal’s resignation, the President made a cheap parting shot. “I bet when I die you’ll be happy to piss on my grave.”

The General saluted. “Mr. President, I always told myself after leaving the Army I’d never stand in line again.”


This Just In…Obama 4th Best President Ever!

I was just reading that after less than 4 years, Obama has been rated the 4th best president ever:

Reagan and 9 others tied for first,

15 presidents tied for second, and

18 other presidents tied for third.

Obama came in fourth.

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